There's never going to be any resolution to that, is there? I'm always going to have to wonder about it, and never have that answer.
You know, I think you'll get successive levels of comfortable closure, but a resolution? I doubt resolutions. I know it's not the same set of circumstances by a long shot, but I spent the better part of a decade trying to find a way to forgive my father things he did, didn't do, and might've done. In that, there will never be a resolution. Finally, I can accept that, now. It doesn't mean I wouldn't like one. But it does mean that I am a lot more... at peace with it now than i could ever have imagined a decade ago.
It makes me scared to ever touch another human being again at times, even when I'm so goddamned lonely.
Even the facade of balance is better than the lack of it. It's hard to give others a chance when something that felt so right went so wrong. But they aren't him and you aren't who you were when you were with him. It won't go the same way--you're too aware of that particular road.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2006-02-12 01:56 am (UTC)You know, I think you'll get successive levels of comfortable closure, but a resolution? I doubt resolutions. I know it's not the same set of circumstances by a long shot, but I spent the better part of a decade trying to find a way to forgive my father things he did, didn't do, and might've done. In that, there will never be a resolution. Finally, I can accept that, now. It doesn't mean I wouldn't like one. But it does mean that I am a lot more... at peace with it now than i could ever have imagined a decade ago.
It makes me scared to ever touch another human being again at times, even when I'm so goddamned lonely.
Even the facade of balance is better than the lack of it. It's hard to give others a chance when something that felt so right went so wrong. But they aren't him and you aren't who you were when you were with him. It won't go the same way--you're too aware of that particular road.