the age of reason
Mar. 2nd, 2006 06:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threeplusfire"My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's."
- Oscar Wilde
Delightful quote, and one that I think should be mine. It's true. I'd much rather hear about other people's problems. It's why I'm good at my job - I'm thoroughly willing to be inquisitive.
I don't think you've ever been in hell until you've heard a seven year old break into tears and say it was her fault she was sexually abused. I won't quote her statement but it was something that would just never, ever be part of the vocabulary of any seven year old child. That business was shocking in a way sometimes the graphic details don't even touch. Just knowing that a seven year old had internalized that idea that we are responsible for abuse inflicted on us, that women are weaker lesser creatures and Daddy's word is law, that it was her fault her father did hideous things to her surprised me.
Perhaps it is more understandable from a teenage girl, or an adult woman. They've been exposed to more, they've been part of worlds and lives where that sort of lie is branded the truth. It makes more sense objectively for a teenager to blame herself for a sexual assault because of the inherrent chaos of just being a teenage girl. So many of us even as adults carry these ideas still, sometimes despite our best efforts at therapy and self reflection. I can't imagine that there are many people who live through some form of abuse and don't have that terrible moment where they wonder if it is their fault. I've had that moment myself, wondering if I was so messed up that I really did deserve it. But seven? Seven may still be considered the age of reason but it is far too young to even have to think about such a thing.
There are days when I wonder if even this job is enough. There are days when I think about the deep seated demons in our culture and our lives; I have to wonder if anything I do would ever be enough. Someone has to do something, I think. Maybe one day I'll write policy for this department. Maybe one day I'll run the bureau of sterilizations and sign in a law as governor that sets forth the death penalty for sex offenders who target children. I couldn't say at this point in time. I'll just keep going to work in the meanwhile and try to do something with what I can.
- Oscar Wilde
Delightful quote, and one that I think should be mine. It's true. I'd much rather hear about other people's problems. It's why I'm good at my job - I'm thoroughly willing to be inquisitive.
I don't think you've ever been in hell until you've heard a seven year old break into tears and say it was her fault she was sexually abused. I won't quote her statement but it was something that would just never, ever be part of the vocabulary of any seven year old child. That business was shocking in a way sometimes the graphic details don't even touch. Just knowing that a seven year old had internalized that idea that we are responsible for abuse inflicted on us, that women are weaker lesser creatures and Daddy's word is law, that it was her fault her father did hideous things to her surprised me.
Perhaps it is more understandable from a teenage girl, or an adult woman. They've been exposed to more, they've been part of worlds and lives where that sort of lie is branded the truth. It makes more sense objectively for a teenager to blame herself for a sexual assault because of the inherrent chaos of just being a teenage girl. So many of us even as adults carry these ideas still, sometimes despite our best efforts at therapy and self reflection. I can't imagine that there are many people who live through some form of abuse and don't have that terrible moment where they wonder if it is their fault. I've had that moment myself, wondering if I was so messed up that I really did deserve it. But seven? Seven may still be considered the age of reason but it is far too young to even have to think about such a thing.
There are days when I wonder if even this job is enough. There are days when I think about the deep seated demons in our culture and our lives; I have to wonder if anything I do would ever be enough. Someone has to do something, I think. Maybe one day I'll write policy for this department. Maybe one day I'll run the bureau of sterilizations and sign in a law as governor that sets forth the death penalty for sex offenders who target children. I couldn't say at this point in time. I'll just keep going to work in the meanwhile and try to do something with what I can.
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no subject
Date: 2006-03-03 02:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-03-03 04:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:It's a sad truth...
Date: 2006-03-03 06:17 am (UTC)That children are necessarily egotistical.
That sounds a lot more harsh than it's intended. But I clearly remember beingabout that age, and hearing my parents argue. It was likely about money--meaning something that had very little to do with me directly. But I also clearly remember being very upset because they were arguing and I just *knew* it had to be somthing I had done...
It's nto a great leap from "something I've done" to "something I caused." Certainly not for a seven-year old.
It's a sad idea to disalodge that egotistical concept from one so young. I'm not sure it'd be terribly healthy. But I'm not at all surprised that the child internalized it. I think it isn't until the child is a few years older that they can truly understand that things sometimes happen to them through no fault of their own. Maybe they get it earlier, btu most, I think won't get that this also applies to the foundational supports of their ego--their parents.