three (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
threeplusfire) wrote2006-05-27 07:40 am
threeplusfire) wrote2006-05-27 07:40 am
na zdravi
Why I'm up at 7:30 in the morning on my birthday, I'm not quite sure. I'm sure there is a good reason somewhere.
My mother is making me a cake today, so I will go visit this afternoon. Mmm white cake with chocolate frosting. I don't know why I love this combination so much. SO I'll download a couple new songs from the interweb, pick up the house a bit and try to figure out what to do today.
Years of LJ time makes me a dinosaur on the interweb. But I was amused to note these.
Birthday 2005
Birthday 2004
Birthday 2003
Birthday 2002
Belated Birthday in Prague 2001
Twenty six is a weird number. It has to be better than twenty five though. Last year I got sick from the fried rice and it was the last time I saw the friendly chinese delivery man. When I got sick, I was too miserable to smoke. So I had about two weeks of not really smoking, and then well, everything in the world went to hell. I deliberately decided not to quit for my birthday this year because I'm superstitious like that.
Sometimes I miss the life I thought I would have. Sometimes I wonder if there was anything else to do, some magic word. I know, I know what you would say to me about that. Hana and so many other people were right, and pain in memory is less sharp and more bittersweet. I miss my husband from time to time, but some things simply can't be undone.
It's a strange thing, to be alive in spite of yourself so many times. I know I've lingered with that superstitious dread for years and certainly placed myself in any number of situations that might have put my life expectancy at zero. I don't feel that destructive urge anymore. Every year past seventeen is a victory, no matter what the cost.
My mother is making me a cake today, so I will go visit this afternoon. Mmm white cake with chocolate frosting. I don't know why I love this combination so much. SO I'll download a couple new songs from the interweb, pick up the house a bit and try to figure out what to do today.
Years of LJ time makes me a dinosaur on the interweb. But I was amused to note these.
Birthday 2005
Birthday 2004
Birthday 2003
Birthday 2002
Belated Birthday in Prague 2001
Twenty six is a weird number. It has to be better than twenty five though. Last year I got sick from the fried rice and it was the last time I saw the friendly chinese delivery man. When I got sick, I was too miserable to smoke. So I had about two weeks of not really smoking, and then well, everything in the world went to hell. I deliberately decided not to quit for my birthday this year because I'm superstitious like that.
Sometimes I miss the life I thought I would have. Sometimes I wonder if there was anything else to do, some magic word. I know, I know what you would say to me about that. Hana and so many other people were right, and pain in memory is less sharp and more bittersweet. I miss my husband from time to time, but some things simply can't be undone.
It's a strange thing, to be alive in spite of yourself so many times. I know I've lingered with that superstitious dread for years and certainly placed myself in any number of situations that might have put my life expectancy at zero. I don't feel that destructive urge anymore. Every year past seventeen is a victory, no matter what the cost.
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