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threeplusfire) wrote2006-07-21 11:17 pm
threeplusfire) wrote2006-07-21 11:17 pm
What Still Remains - January 1982 complete version
Title: What Still Remains, January 1982 chapter
Author: tsarina amanda
Fandom - Pairing: Harry Potter; Lucius/Severus, Lucius/Narcissa
Rating: R
Archive: please ask
Feedback: always appreciated
Summary: Lucius Malfoy leaves Azkaban for the first time and life starts again in the aftermath of the First War
This is the complete first chunk of what seems to be developing into an epic story against my better judgement. This will be the first chapter of the story, and some of you may be familiar with the pieces I've previously posted.
In the end, Lucius Malfoy spent two months, four days, seven hours and thirty six minutes in the custody of the Ministry and Azkaban. He was able to remember with odd clarity the clock in the hallway of the Manor, where he apparated home bloody and exhausted from a futile battle. Narcissa was holding Draco in her arms and presiding with icy anger from the stairs as a team of Aurors milled about his home. Lucius had barely registered his surprise when a weedy young Auror shoved an arrest warrant at Narcissa and several others shouted "Stupefy!' all at once. He remembered the disdain on Narcissa's face, the paper fluttering to the ground, the clock beside the door and then darkness.
There was also a clock in long hallway of Azkaban. He watched the moments tick with impatience, his face a blank mask. Unable to allow this last chance to pass, the clerks had invented some problem with his release papers and were busily making a mess of things while his lawyer alternated between cheerful smiles and threats. Far down the hallway, there was the faintest change in the light as if the sun were rising. At last the clerks decided any more fun might present a problem for the ministry and dutifully stamped the documents allowing Lucius to walk out into the pale winter morning.
Several layers of wards protected the island and the prison from various types of incursion, including sudden and unexpected apparitions. So Lucius walked slowly down the stone path to the edge of the sea, where a boat would take them back to the outside world. His eyes watered, and a chill breeze from the water made his robes rustle. Lucius wondered if the poor food had contributed to some ill health, and rubbed at his eyes. But the shadow in the boat didn't disappear. As they drew closer, he almost laughed aloud. Sitting like an ill tempered and unwholesome bird was none other than one of his closest friends. Severus Snape nodded by way of greeting, and remained silent as the boat glided back to the coast. Lucius' lawyer chattered and made various notes on bits of paper, promising to have copies of all the relevant documents forwarded to Lucius as soon as he made it back to his London office. Lucius watched the North Sea, his hair whipping around and escaping the hood of his cloak. Once, he turned around to look at Severus. They both looked older, he decided, and turned his gaze back onto the water. For his part, Severus was surprised to see how much Azkaban had affected Lucius. The blonde wizard appeared to be made of cut glass, his pale skin tinged grey and his hair lacking it's usually perfect luster. He was thin too. At the rocky, unwelcoming shore, the energetic lawyer shook Lucius' hand before apparating away. Severus remained silent, arms folded.
"Why are you here, Severus?" Lucius asked at length. He walked carefully up the rocks to a flat, sandy stretch of ground.
"I have some time away from the school before the holidays end, and Dumbledore does not require I spend all my time at Hogwarts." Severus followed Lucius, feeling the tingle of magic as they left the last curtain of wards behind. "I am also aware that Narcissa is not responding to your letters, nor will she be at home to greet you."
"How do-" Lucius bit the question off sharply. Anger brought a spot of color into his face for a moment, and animated him. It faded quickly.
"You need to bathe, and eat a decent meal." Severus moved to stand beside Lucius and took his elbow. "You also don't need to do it alone."
"Not the Manor," Lucius said quietly.
"Where then?"
"Oh, gods above." Lucius sighed. "The house in Spain, I think."
"Fine. I'll take us. I don't trust you not to splinch us into a wall."
"It's been three years since you were there."
"My memory is infinitely better than yours, Lucius."
-----
The house in Costa Blanca was quiet and empty. Fortunately the small magics bound into the building recognized Lucius, and house elves were summoned from their unknown dominion to begin making things comfortable for their master. Lucius jerked his elbow away irritably, and hurried across the courtyard. It was grey in Spain, clouds moving swift and low. Severus paused. The place seemed not to have changed a bit in the past three years. The Malfoys had not been to Spain during that time though, so it made sense for the house to remain static, frozen like a memory. Inside, Lucius was already snapping orders a pair of quivering house elves as he stalked through the echoing rooms. He flung open the doors to the bedroom and started peeling off his clothing before he even stepped into the bathroom.
"Severus!" he shouted as he rummaged through cupboards for soap and towels.
"Yes?" He leaned against the arched doorway, amusement flickering across his face.
"I want you to owl, or send a house elf, or what have you," Lucius began as he piled things on the edge of an oversized bath. "Just get me some clean clothes and things. I doubt there's anything winter suitable in this closet, if there is anything at all."
"Is there anything else?"
"No." Lucius paused. Standing naked, it was much more obvious that Azkaban skimmed flesh from his body. He raised an eyebrow and looked back at Severus. "If you are done staring, then I would take it as a kindness if you did that now."
Severus rolled his eyes and went in search of a house elf. Lucius turned back to the bath, which was almost full of hot water. He dumped an entire bottle of something that smelled like oranges into the water, causing it to foam and froth. Half a dozen small bottles went onto the ledge, and a large stack of towels went onto the floor. Lucius lowered himself gingerly into the water which was almost too hot to stand. His skin flushed almost instantly white to pink. With a deep sigh, Lucius sank under the water.
-----
Hours later, Lucius walked barefoot into the sitting room wearing a thick green bath robe and linen slacks. Hi still damp hair hung loose. In Azkaban he kept it tied back almost all the time, in a last futile effort to retain some neatness. One wall was all glass, covered by dark curtains. Beside the burning fire, Severus sat in an armchair reading. The clock showed it was nearly evening. He was glad of the colors, vivid red, gold, and brown. The furniture was dark and heavy, the opposite of the bright and small pieces Narcissa usually favored. This house was a bequest from Abraxus Malfoy and given over to Lucius after his marriage.
"I thought you knew Catullus by heart," he remarked. Severus didn't look up.
"Your clothes arrived."
"I know." Lucius settled gracelessly on the divan across from Severus. "It's more important to be comfortable than presentable at the moment. No one to impress here." Severus snorted and muttered something under his breath. Ignoring him, Lucius propped his feet up and snapped his fingers. The house elf was visible only for a second as it deposited a tray holding glasses and an assortment of bottles.
"Shouldn't you at least attempt actual food before you start drinking Lucius?"
"I've been waiting months for the moment when I could toast my freedom and become extravagently drunk."
"You're in no shape for that." Severus closed his book. "Lucius," he said in a warning tone as the other man continued to ignore him.
"What I would like to know is why you are so interested in my well being right now Severus." Lucius poured out a glass of wine after careful consideration.
"Because obviously someone needs to look after you."
"Touching, but hardly true."
"Obligations don't just disappear," he answered softly.
"Obligations?" Lucius chuckled dryly. "Certainly not to me."
"Obligation to your family, nevertheless."
Lucius tightened his grip on his glass. "I am so glad my wife has such caring friends."
"Oh Lucius, really," Severus snapped. "Between you and Bellatrix, the woman has been through more than enough. It's absurd of you to expect her not to be upset."
"Upset?" Lucius repeated incredulously.
"She had Aurors rampaging through the house, endured a very public scandal involving several family members... surely you recognize the strain that has put on Narcissa in your absence."
"My absence?" Lucius' voice dripped malice. "I was in bloody fucking Azkaban, not absent."
"Please do continue playing martyr. You got off quite lightly, considering."
"Lightly!" His hand shook, and wine spilled onto the tiled floor. "That's rich Severus, especially in light of the fact that your testimony helped me earn that 'light' punishment." Severus didn't respond for a long moment. Lucius drained his glass and poured another one. The firelight made him seem less wan, though it brought out the shadows in his face. His fingers traced patterns on the fabric of the divan. Severus waited patiently for Lucius to end whatever consumed his thoughts.
"You're going to make yourself sick Lucius."
"Is there some reason you're here? Other than some desire to prove to my wife how much better of a husband you would make?"
"Far, far too late for that." Severus' smile was a shade bitter.
"Get out Severus."
"No."
"Perhaps you didn't understand. Get. Out. Of. My. House." He accidentally swept his glass onto the floor. Cursing the small explosion of crystal and alcohol, Lucius rose to his feet. "Get out before I hex you into pieces."
"Oh for Merlin's sake," Severus snapped. "This is absurd and you know it. You are not the only person who has suffered in this, and you are not the only person who lost something."
"I am not in any mood for lectures Severus."
"Neither am I, truth be told. Now quit shouting and sit back down before you cut your feet." Lucius glared helplessly before he collapsed back onto the divan. With a wand flick, Severus cleared away the broken glass. "At least attempt to be reasonable, or do I need to spell you into sleep so we can continue this tomorrow?"
"That's quite out of the question." Lucius shuddered.
"Fine." With his hand folded under his chin, he watched Lucius with some interest. "There are a number of things we do need to discuss, including what should be done in the aftermath of certain events. Your participation in that discussion is vital, hence my interest in your current condition. There are other, personal matters between us that also need to be addressed. I have several days before I need to return to Hogwarts, so I am only willing to be patient so long."
"Is this absolutely necessary?"
"It wouldn't be if you had shown any decency to me." Severus pressed his lips tightly together, clearly annoyed about the other wizard's carelessness.
"I couldn't tell you, Severus, even if I had wanted to do so," Lucius sighed.
"You damn well could have said something to me."
"Are you really still obsessed with that Mudblood whore?"
"Are you still obsessed with your wife's sister?" Severus spat, furious.
"Say one more word about that right now, and I will make you pay for all of them."
"So easy for you to call others out, but you can't stand to be reminded of your own failings Lucius?"
"You are a fine one to lecture me on being self centered," he replied in a cool voice. "Your presence here has everything to do with your interests and very little to do with mine. So do stop pretending that you are so terribly concerned about my well being and allow me to enjoy this relative peace."
Severus stared at Lucius for several heart beats before he rose abruptly.
"I'm going to have dinner and retire. There are some letters I should write. If you have any sense, you'll attempt to eat something but I doubt you will. I'm sure this discussion will be even more enjoyable with you hungover." The temptation to get in the last word made him babble and it embarassed him. Severus swept out of the room, the volume of Catullus tucked under his arm. When he heard the door slam on the guest bedroom suite, Lucius threw his glass at the empty chair. It bounced off and smashed on the floor, each piece wet and glistening.
-----
Very early in the morning Severus rose and dressed in the semidarkness. The sun was just coming up out over the ocean, not quite above the horizon. When he stepped out onto the balcony of his guest room, he was surprised to see Lucius pacing slowly from one end of the terrace to the other. Severus shook his head, bemused and horrified by whatever had caused Lucius to be up at an hour he long considered unnatural. Severus snapped his fingers and a house elf appeared at his feet. By the time he made his way out onto the terrace, a table was set up with tea and breakfast. If Lucius hadn't eaten the night before he would be starving now, he thought. Severus settled himself down, watching Lucius continue his solitary patrol of the balustrade. As he approached the table Lucius blinked and looked surprised to see Severus sitting there.
"I won't even ask, it's clear you've been out here all night." Severus poured another cup of tea and pushed it in front of Lucius as the other wizard sat. "Your hair, Lucius, is a mess," he said pointedly at the other wizard's baffled expression. Lucius grimaced and tapped his wand irritably.
"I forgot about the wind." His hair settled smoothly back over his shoulders.
"It's windy in the North Sea."
"I wasn't outside very much."
They sat in silence. Out over the water the sun slipped up into the sky. Severus spread preserves on his toast. The daylight did Lucius no favors. He stirred his tea absently, crushing the lemon against the side of his cup with the back of his spoon.
"I don't have time to play nursemaid with you Lucius. Eat something or I'm going to tie you to that chair and start pouring unpleasant potions down your throat until you reach a sufficent level of alertness and coherency." Severus ignored the other man's pointed stare, and relaxed fractionally when Lucius reached for the plate of breads and pastries. Tucking his wand back into his sleeve, Severus resumed his breakfast. It was becoming clear that this visit would be far more tedious than he expected. Lucius picked at his plate, but slowly ate an orange and two biscuits under the other's watchful glare.
"How is Narcissa?" Lucius asked as he slowly peeled and quarted another orange.
"Deeply unhappy of course." Severus laughed mirthlessly. "But how could she not be? Her sister's been given a life sentence, you were arrested in your home, and the public nature of such a scandal has made her position extremely difficult."
"Why is it that she's written to you and not to me?"
"Because I've always entertained Narcissa and been the friend you wanted me to be to her. I'm in a far better position than you are right now because I've not been in prison for months. It doesn't look like I bought my freedom because I've no fortune or social clout to confuse the issue."
"Of course," Lucius drew the words out. "By renouncing your vows and offering yourself to the Ministry I'm sure your name is much more redeemed than mine. Being poor is so much more worthy."
"I have not renounced anything," Severus responded hotly. "Going to Dumbledore was done on His orders-"
"I know exactly what he ordered you to do," Lucius interrupted. "I don't think that included turning so many of us over to the Aurors."
"An unfortunate consequence." Severus shrugged. "But no one truly valuable."
"Did you send them to my house?"
"Lucius that question is so idiotic I shouldn't even respond. That idiot Karkaroff started screaming names at the top of his lungs once they took him to Azkaban."
"Fool," Lucius spat. "He'll be punished for that, in the end." They looked at each other across the table.
"Do you think He's dead?"
"Not a subject I have a definite opinion on, actually."
His fingers shook slightly as Lucius unbuttoned his sleeve and rolled it up to the elbow. For months and months the Mark had stood out lividly against his skin. Now it was pale, washed out grey and had the look of a scar. After a moment, Severus pushed up his own sleeve. Lucius held his arm out across the table, putting it side by side with Severus'. Lucius tapped at his forearm, tracing the outline on his own arm with the tip of his wand. Severus had seen him do that before a hundred times and it was always slightly unsettling to watch Lucius fidget that way. Severus tried to ignore his own forearm as much as he could get away with it and avoided touching his own Mark if at all possible.
"I can only imagine that he's not quite dead if this still exists," Lucius said at length. "Would it stay otherwise?"
"I've no idea Lucius." Severus shrugged and rolled his sleeve back down. "We do need to decide what happens from here now, I think."
"What is there to decide?" Lucius kept running his wand up and down his forearm with a pensive expression.
"What to do with the other Death Eaters. We hardly need another incident like Bellatrix. You, especially, do not need another incident like Bellatrix."
"No," Lucius agreed. "I will have to manage that."
"I'm glad to see your sense of responsibility hasn't deserted you entirely."
"Oh shut up," Lucius replied in an irritable voice. He shifted in his chair, staring out at the ocean instead.
"You can't avoid her entirely. It will only make things worse."
"I'm not trying to avoid her. She is avoiding me." Lucius jabbed his finger into the air.
"Lucius, you can hardly expect her to be thrilled with the situation..."
"What I can expect is for her to be here. I don't think that's unreasonable."
"You are being unreasonable," Severus remarked with some asperity.
"You're hardly old enough to lecture me Severus." Lucius chuckled at the flash of annoyance on Severus' face. "Not only are you young, but unmarried, which makes you one of the last people who needs to instruct me on how to behave towards my wife."
"I'm older than you were when you married Narcissa," Severus said. "I've probably spent more time in conversation with her than you have in all that time. Don't give me that look, Lucius, you know perfectly well that I'm left to entertain her when you're busy lording it over the others and you certainly don't encourage her to do anything more than sit at the dinner table and pour drinks when people come to your home."
"You make it sound like she's suffered terribly by marrying me. That's hardly the case."
"You treat everyone with contempt Lucius, and it shows poorly."
"I am in no mood to talk about it with you," Lucius sighed. He slid down in his seat and propped his feet up on another chair.
"I don't give a damn what your mood is Lucius." It was a lie, but Severus was so used to lying it hardly mattered.
"Severus, you are a dear friend but you are pushing my endurance just a bit too much right now. Are you just here to increase my headache?" Lucius pointed his wand at Severus. "Because my patience for all of this is running short."
"Put that away Lucius. You couldn't pull off a first year hex right now."
"I'm certainly able to throw you out of my house if I choose to do so."
Severus just laughed and threw his napkin onto the table. Rising from his seat, he moved around the table to stand directly in front of Lucius with his arms crossed and an almost indecently amused expression on his face. Lucius swung his feet to the ground and stood up so the two wizards were only a wand's length apart.
"Come on then," Severus challenged. "Go right ahead."
Lucius raised his wand to point it directly into Severus' chest. His lips were pressed tightly together, almost white. The corner of his mouth turned up in a half smile, a concession. Dropping his wand, Lucius turned to the side shaking his head and Severus relaxed the wordless shield charm in his mind. Without saying a word, Lucius swung his left fist directly into Severus' face. It made a very satisfying crack. Stunned, the younger wizard took a step back. Lucius smirked as blood dripped from Severus' nose.
"Get out of my house," Lucius said in a pleasant, falsely cheerful voice.
He had barely finished when Severus lunged forward, knocking them both into the breakfast table. With a resounding crash of silver, china and glass they slid sideways off onto the ground. The smarting pain and blood interfered with Severus' ability to focus properly. Lucius dropped his wand and rolled, trying to pin the other wizard to the stone. Severus pushed himself away from the wreckage of the breakfast dishes and tried to hit Lucius in the face. Lucius slapped his hands away. He punched Severus in the stomach as hard as he was able, causing Severus to lose his breath and his grip on Lucius' shoulders. Half curled up from the lack of oxygen, he couldn't do much to avoid the next few punches Lucius managed to land. In a moment, he had an opening and kicked Lucius hard in the leg. Lucius yelped in surprise and leaned back. It was enough to give Severus a few seconds respite and he grabbed wildly. His fingers tangled in Lucius' hair, and Severus pressed his advantage by yanking as hard as he was able. It pulled Lucius off balance, and Severus wrapped as much of the hair as he could around his hand to smack Lucius' head against the ground. He did it again just for good measure, ignoring Lucius' nails raking down his arm. Severus swung one leg over Lucius, trying to hold him still.
"Damn you Lucius," Severus shouted. "Damn you, stop it. Lucius! Stop it!" It took him a moment to realize Lucius was laughing. Severus jerked the other man up by his hair and drew his wand. He pressed the point into the hollow of Lucius' throat. Severus' hands were shaking. It had been years since he was on the receiving end of Lucius' temper, and he had forgotten how bloody hard the bastard could hit. It was something he should have expected.
"Severus if you've cracked my skull I will thank you later," Lucius said thickly.
"What?" Severus asked, taken aback by the unexpected statement.
"A few days of solid unconsciousness sounds very restful." Lucius closed his eyes and felt gingerly at his head. Severus stared at him in horror.
"Oh you great bloody fool," he muttered. "Would it have been too much to ask me to make you something?" Severus cursed under his breath as he untangled his fingers from Lucius' hair.
"Much easier this way," Lucius replied. "Also much more fun. You looked so surprised."
"Idiot," Severus said as he pulled Lucius up. "Get up." He dragged Lucius inside, and back to the guest rooms he occupied. Pushing the other wizard uncermoniously down on the bed, Severus rummaged around in his travelling case. Lucius watched him through narrowed eyes, and kicked off his shoes before curling up on his side. The right side of his head throbbed unmercifully.
"Idiot," Severus repeated as he thrust a bottle into Lucius' hand. "Couldn't you have just said you couldn't sleep? I really didn't want a broken nose."
Lucius shrugged and twisted the bottle back and forth as Severus rummaged further. He watched in silence as Severus fixed his nose and cleaned his face off. Once he had reassured himself that the nose was back to normal, Severus came back to sit on the edge of the bed. Lucius' hair was tangled again, and there was line of blood down the side of his face and around his ear.
"That's going to bruise up horribly." Severus reached out with his wand but Lucius waved it away.
"Just leave it," Lucius said firmly.
"Why?" asked Severus, very puzzled.
"Just do."
"At least let me clean up the blood. That's unnecessarily messy."
"Fine," Lucius agreed. He closed his eyes, and Severus tried to clean off the blood without magic. It felt very strange to be sitting beside Lucius, who was now very quiet.
"Drink that, and you'll sleep without dreams. I'll come check on you later to make sure I haven't permanently damaged your thick skull." Severus dropped the bloody wash cloth back into the basin. Lucius grabbed his wrist.
"Stay here." It wasn't phrased as a question, but there was a peculiar tone to Lucius' voice. It made Severus uneasy to see him this way, or to think of Lucius as a needy man. He wondered if Lucius was this way around Narcissa. She had never given him much of a clue about their private life, aside from delicate and easily deflected questions that revealed how little she knew about Lucius' activities.
"Very well," Severus agreed. He watched Lucius down the potion without a word, and settled himself into a chair beside the bed with a book.
Narcissa,
I hope that you and Draco are well, and that the winter in Italy has been pleasant. Thank you for the Yule gift. Your thoughtfulness is quite appreciated, and it has made my home at Hogwarts much more pleasant.
Severus paused and laid the quill down on the night table. He wrote few personal letters, so the beginnings were always awkward and stilted in his mind. This particular letter was even more difficult given both the subject and recipient. He stared at the paper for a long moment, then out the window. It was less gloomy today, but the clouds obscured more sun than they let through.
While I know that you avoid the news from England, you should know that Lucius has been released from Azkaban. The Ministry ruled that he was bewitched and under the influence of the Imperius curse. He has received a pardon, and there will be no further reparations demanded. I have convinced him to retire to the house in Spain for the moment, and I believe he will spend at least a couple weeks here. He is not entirely well from his time in prison, but nothing that will not be fixed ultimately. He is sleeping poorly, and still a bit agitated from the experience. Please do not worry about his condition overly much, as I intend to stay with him until I need to return to teaching. I will keep an eye on Lucius to make certain he stays out of any immediate trouble.
The sleep was dreamless, but not entirely restful. Lucius turned and muttered from time to time. His long fingers splayed out over the bedspread. Severus paused in his writing and put one hand on Lucius' head, smoothing the hair out of his face. He was tempted to heal the bruise on the side of Lucius' face, but it was possible that Lucius would only find some other inventive way to give himself a headache. Lucius often kept bruises and marks out of some perverse sense of pride so long as they didn't interfere with his vanity.
My other news is more grim. I am sorry to break this to you, though I know you are not especially close to Bellatrix. Your sister and her husband have received life sentences. Bellatrix has never been able to keep her countenance as you know, and I'm afraid she made quite a scene at the Ministry's hearing. Rodolphus was hardly better, but he does lack your sister's flair for inventive and creative insults. The only saving grace of that was that the hearing was closed to reporters, so it should not be in the papers at all aside from the announcement of her sentence. Hopefully that too will pass quickly.
Lucius made another indistinct sound. Severus frowned, and pulled out another bit of parchement to write a quick note. No doubt he would need more supplies to mix the sleeping potions as well as anything that would blunt Lucius' anxiety and recklessness for a short time. He summoned a house elf and dispatched that note before he returned to the more important letter in his lap.
I know this is in no way easy for you to bear. You know that my friendship is not for your husband alone. While I intend to try and settle Lucius as much as possible before he visits you, it will be difficult for the both of you. He cares very deeply for you and his son, and your silence has distressed him. You may write to me here in Spain if there is anything I can do to effect some reconcilliation.
-Severus
Carefully Severus folded and addressed the letter to Mrs. Malfoy. Once it too was dispatched to the owls, he turned his attention back to Lucius who was turning restlessly. A hand on his head seemed to settle him again, and Severus found himself wondering if Narcissa did this for her husband. They had seperate bedroom suites as was traditional in old wizarding families, bue he knew Lucius rarely slept alone. He was just as likely to ensconce himself on the bed of someone else in the dormitory at Hogwarts, and it rarely mattered if the someone was a sexual conquest or not. Lucius was just a physical creature. Very much unlike himself, Severus thought. It made him slightly nervous but he was determined not to think about it. Severus moved to sit on the other side of the bed, propped up against the headboard where he could read and keep one hand on Lucius' shoulder. If he had to spend the afternoon watching over Lucius, he might as well attempt to catch up on the academic journals for the past year. Perhaps he could soothe his ambitions in that direction, if nothing else. So for hours, Severus flipped slowly through papers on potions and spellcraft while Lucius slept untroubled.
-----
For the next two days, Severus existed in an almost perpetual state of tension. He had to keep Lucius drugged because the man showed a disturbing habit of avoiding sleep if he wasn't and that presented more challenges than Severus actually wanted to deal with at the moment. Lucius was not normally a quiet or restful man, and seeing him so was unsettling. Severus gave him as much as he thought was safe. However, the silence couldn't last. Outside, it appeared perpetually overcast. The mornings were sunny, almost. The situation wore on Severus' patience.
He found Lucius awake early in the morning, drinking tea. Papers were scattered all over the table, and a trio of owls dropped off packages to crowd the table. One of them was an overgrown eagle owl from the Malfoy manor. It was a cantankerous bird, perched on the back of a chair.
"I can't understand why you keep those things."
"Because they are very useful," Lucius answered. He offered the bird a chunk of bacon.
"It would be better if you ate breakfast, instead of feeding your montrous bird." Severus pulled out a chair far away from the owl, looking askance at it. The dark bird shook its wings and croaked. Lucius offered it another piece of bacon.
"Bellatrix made the front page." Lucius tossed a copy of the Daily Prophet at Severus.
"Charming," Severus said slowly as he scanned through the article. "I see Azkaban only increases her harping. I'm surprised they printed most of this." A half page picture of Bella sneered from the paper, looking more fanatical than ever. He sighed.
"It's not a place to encourage care," Lucius said softly. The owl butted its head against Lucius' shoulder and he fed it the last of his bacon. Severus didn't ask the obvious question and started eating his breakfast. Lucius stroked the bird's bronze colored feathers and stirred his tea.
-----
Lucius spent most of his time outside if he was awake. In Azkaban, he wouldn't have ever thought he was near the ocean. There was no wind, no smell of water and salt. Azkaban smelled like mold, and stagnation. The walls were thick, blocking out all light and sound. It hardly mattered to the dementors that it was almost always dark and chill. It was their natural environment after all. The rough heavy stone was no different from Italian marble to them.
If he wasn't outside, he ran scalding baths. Being clean was such a visceral pleasure and one sorely missed. The first night it took him a steady hour to trim up his hair and put it back into some semblence of order, only a few inches shorter than before. The urge to scrub away all his exposed his skin still hadn't quite settled. Two months was a long time to go without a proper bath.
At odd intervals, the human keepers of Azkaban would bring him a bucket of cold, gritty water. At first it incensed him, but there was no point in raging about it. Nothing would change, and they would only derive satisfaction from seeing him angry and helpless. He only let that happen twice. The second time was the most foolish but he hadn't been able to restrain himself once it started. Lucius punched the offical Ministry representative who informed him that it was necessary for the safety of all involved that Lucius remain in Azkaban for the duration of the trial. When the others boiled into the room to pull him off, the beating was laughable. He wanted to tell them nothing was worse than the hissed Crucio but he couldn't catch his breath between laughing and the blows. Nothing was worse than the Dementor they left in his room for an hour, in the end.
The stray thought of it still made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. It kept him from sleeping, becausethe darkness behind his eyelids was no safer and sometimes worse. Something in his chest felt cold, and no amount of hot baths or sleep or alcohol seemed to take that feeling away.
-----
The fire made the room overly warm, but Lucius prodded it anyway. A hiss at the house elf made it burn higher. The weather had turned for the worse outside, bringing stinging rain. He leaned back into the chair, rubbing absently at his arm and wondering if the chill would just stop one day. Across the room, Severus flipped irritably through some letters and papers.
"You have that look on your face," Lucius said without turning around. "I can hear you."
"Unless you've suddenly discovered a talent, Lucius, that's an absurd statement."
"What is bothering you Severus?" he asked.
"Nothing," Severus answered shortly.
"Liar." Lucius smiled. "I don't need any skill at legilimency to know that."
"A skill you've thankfully never possessed," Severus answered. He folded all the letters up and stuck them into a book.
"Are you going to say anything to me? Or will we circle around this for days yet?"
Severus gritted his teeth and abandoned his chair. Lucius watched him from the corner of his eye, expectant. The younger wizard paced from the windows to the fire and back with his brows drawn down to the bridge of his nose in concentration.
"Say something or stop pacing. It's distracting." Lucius picked up his glass, studying the reflection of the fire.
"Fine," Severus snapped. He strode back to the fireplace and plucked the glass of whiskey out of Lucius' hand. "Pay attention then."
"As you wish," Lucius replied with mocking calm.
"Don't be flippant. Not right now." There was a raw edge to Severus' voice. "Everything is so damned easy for you that you don't stop to think about the costs." Lucius raised his eyebrows, a quick retort on the edge of speech. Severus' furious expression held him silent.
"Don't interrupt me," Severus continued. "You've asked me into your confidences, you've asked me to follow you down this path, without ever stopping to think what it would force me to give up. Now that the whole damned mess has collapsed, and what have we got Lucius? You have the same fortune and easy life that you had before. I've lost..." He paused, catching his breath. "I've lost too much. I'm teaching children now, because the only protection I have from prison is Albus Dumbledore who believes..."
"Who believes you turned to his side because of Lily and James Potter," Lucius finished.
"Damn you yes! Because of them." Severus pressed a hand to his face, as if he regretted shouting.
"Severus, I know you think-"
"You don't know what I think, and you know even less about how I felt." Severus glared at his friend.
"I know you think you were in love," Lucius said carefully. "But when you are so young, it's hard to tell what's real."
"Because you are so old, and wise," Severus said. "I suppose next you'll say you 'think' you were in love with Bella for a time, or that you 'think' you might love your wife now."
"That is not the point." Something flickered in Lucius' face, but disappeared a heart beat later.
"No, what we really should discuss is what you are going to do about this now."
"What I'm going to do?" Lucius repeated slowly. "I wasn't aware that there was anything to do."
"Lucius!" Severus exploded. "Nothing is right. Voldemort has vanished, the Lestranges in Azkaban, the dead... This is not what was supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to happen this way." As Severus spoke, Lucius rose slowly from his chair. Severus looked torn between misery and anger, his hands shaking. "I don't know what we're doing anymore."
"We do what we agreed to do. That's what we continue to do."
"And if everything we agreed to has come to naught? This is becoming madness Lucius and you have to know that."
"I know. This is not the future we had in mind." Lucius tried to soothe him, putting an arm around his shoulders. "I know, I know."
He rested his chin on Severus' head. Continuing to murmur words that sounded comforting, he stared into the fire. Severus was right, mostly. Things were dreadfully wrong. The problem was that he didn't know how to fix any of it, and there didn't appear to be anyone else around to take up the task. The thought made Lucius intensely weary. He felt too young and already old at twenty eight facing the future they had failed to construct. When Severus started to speak again, Lucius hushed him. He didn't know what to say, and hardly wanted to admit that. It scared him, actually.
"What happens to us now?" Severus asked, an hour later. The fire had burned down to a dull roar, and Lucius had poured them both generous glasses of firewhiskey that were mostly empty now. They were sitting on the sofa as companionably as they had when they were teenagers. Lucius had his feet up on the arm of the sofa, and his head propped against Severus' shoulder.
"We go on," Lucius said with a shrug. Severus shifted, not pleased with the answer but unwilling to push the argument further. Lucius was secretly glad for that.
Long after Lucius had failed to provide any real reassurances to his friend, he hauled the both of them off the sofa and into bed. Over Severus' protests, Lucius dragged the younger wizard to his own bedroom. It was just Lucius after all, lonely and bored and probably mentally damaged somewhere along the way. The dim light picked up the blue and gold sheen on the bedsheets, and the dark wood of the heavy furniture. Still perturbed but resigned, Severus borrowed some of the man's night clothes and crawled under the heavy silk comforter to claim space on the bed before the other wizard managed to sprawl across everything. Lucius dropped onto the bed, and doused the lights with a wordless gesture. He ruffled Severus' hair affectionately, ignoring the snort of disapproval. Sleep proved elusive for Severus even as it quickly claimed Lucius. At length he resigned himself to staring into the darkness and sometimes patting the arm draped across his side. He hadn't slept in Lucius' bed for years, not since shortly after the Malfoy wedding. Narcissa was happy to put up with Lucius' fondness for physical comfort and his violation of tradition by frequently sleeping in his wife's bed. Severus privately thought that Narcissa assumed it was a sign of love. It was an easy mistake to make with Lucius.
When Severus was in his early years at Hogwarts, Lucius was still there. He was infamous for sleeping in the beds of others, too lazy or too comfortable to go creeping back to his own in the middle of the night after mischief or study. More than once Lucius had invaded the privacy of Severus' bed, claiming his year mates were entertaining or he was cold. Severus had never been able to ask Lucius exactly why he wandered all the way down to the other dormitory instead of finding a nearer bed. Lucius was just like that, too assured for any question. His easy physicality was a subject of gossip from time to time, and Lucius did nothing to dissuade it. He was always serenely unruffled by that sort of thing. In his 7th year, Lucius played Chaser on the Slytherin Quidditch team and during a match with Gryffindor he took a nasty crack from the tail end of a broom. Any other Slytherin on the team probably would have engaged in some dueling that evening, or perhaps a covert hex during the game. Lucius just swung up next to the other boy and punched him in the head. They managed to crash land in the stands where they continued brawling until their heads of House managed to pull them apart. For the next few days, Lucius wore a spectular bruise under his eye and just smiled at the politely horrifed conversation in his wake. Half the House was pretending it didn't happen, and the other half were outraged. It was one of the few times Lucius did something that was so universally condemned by his peers and Severus was amazed by his composure in the face of such censure.
In his sleep Lucius made muffled interrogative sounds. Severus patted his arm again, and Lucius put his forehead against Severus' shoulder blade. He could feel Lucius' breath on his back, steady and slow. It wasn't precisely uncomfortable, but Severus was too used to sleeping alone. This other wizard's presence kept him just on the wrong side of dreams. Sometimes Lucius would crawl into his bed, waking him up in the middle of the night. Severus never did figure out if he just got tired of sleeping alone, or if someone else had kicked him out but supposed it was probably both. During the end of term his second year, Lucius woke him up not long after Severus had fallen asleep studying his potions text. Irritably he peppered Lucius with questions even after the older boy told him to shut up and go back to sleep. Severus kept at it despite Lucius covering his mouth with a hand, determined to cause some aggravation of his own to the older boy. Only when Lucius clamped his mouth over Severus' did he stop, more out of surprise than anything else. Lucius' deft hands made quick work of Severus' adolescent desire and afterwards it didn't even occur to him to ask the obvious questions. Morning made it seem like a fever dream. However Severus experimented from time to time to see if he could provoke the same sequence of events again and he enjoyed varying degrees of success.
They never actually spoke about it, and Severus tried not to draw uncomfortable conclusions. It made him feel closer to Lucius, increasing his fascination with the boy who was everything he was not. But everything was complicated and Severus was never easy or settled about it the way Lucius was. Later he was glad to conclude it was better that nothing had been said, especially when the Malfoy Black wedding was announced and when he started to notice the Gryffindor girl in his potions class. Severus dreaded the thought of seeing the same exasperated forbearance in Lucius' face as he saw in hers. He took out his frustration on his year mates, as much as he could and at least until the dreadful events at the Shrieking Shack. By then it was clear to him that the girl would never be a possibility but Severus continued to nuture a secret hope that something would change. Even as he grew older, more cynical, and more used to an unfair world he kept that absurd dream locked tight in his mind, concealed from even the most skilled legilimens. That hope lasted all the way up until October when everything suddenly turned into chaos.
Severus shifted restlessly, kneading his pillow into a more comfortable shape. Behind him, Lucius slept seemingly untroubled. While that would have comforted him at any other time, it merely made him want to kick Lucius. Instead Severus loosely held Lucius' hand against his chest, and tried to review arithmancy tables in his head to force himself away from the obvious questions too painful to ask. Perhaps in the morning, he thought. Severus woke up alone, torn between relief and disappointment.
-----
It was a subject Lucius would have rather avoided entirely. There was no escaping it after breakfast however, so they both sat on the terrace. It was almost sunny, and not as appallingly cold as before. The stone was slick but not frozen over in the weak daylight.
"I have to return to Hogwarts tomorrow," Severus said too casually. "Students."
"I shouldn't want to deprive you of the chance to mold young minds." Lucius released his owl, and watched the heavy bird flap up into the clouds. Since his release Lucius had already sent Narcissa two letters, neither of which generated any response. It appeared he would just have to find her.
"Is it necessary for you to be a bastard about this?" Severus glared and Lucius just shrugged.
"I don't have an answer for you. Teaching at Hogwarts is your safety net, and you knew what you were getting into by taking up that position. It's not an entirely bad life, is it?"
"Not entirely bad." Severus shook his head. "I think you would cut your own throat before you stooped to having a profession."
"Not entirely bad for someone who has certainly lived in worse places," Lucius countered.
"It's the constant scrutiny that concerns me."
"That will fade, sooner or later. This current hysteria will die down. The Ministry is certainly pushing the idea that the Dark Lord is dead and gone, so it won't be long before the subject is something that decent people avoid even acknowledging." Lucius folded his arms against his chest.
"What are you going to do, about the others?" Severus asked cautiously.
"Pay a few visits I suppose, write a few letters. Drive home the importance of being discreet for the time being until we have a better idea of what's actually happened to Him."
Severus nodded. It was a sore subject with so many of the Death Eaters. The fanatics like Bellatrix refused to even consider the possibility that Voldemort was vanquished. Severus didn't believe he was quite dead and gone, but he was surprised that there had not been any sign in the months since the events at Godric's Hollow. It was hard to believe that one of the most skillful wizards of their time had been undone by an infant. No one truly understood it, and speculation was thick both within the Ministry and outside it. A devoted group of scholars was sincerely perturbed that there was no feasible way to replicate the scenario short of murder, thus rendering the question unanswerable by experiment. His thoughts on the subject were interrupted by Lucius' voice.
"Are you going to visit again?" he asked.
"I can." Severus raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to see your wife, or will I be stuck as the envoy between the two of you? You should at least make the effort Lucius, if only to visit your son."
"Yes," replied Lucius. He gestured out at the ocean in the vague direction of Italy. "After I've assured myself that those of us not in prison will do well not to cause any more disturbances, I'll go to her."
"It would be better to take care of that first," Severus agreed.
The remainder of the day passed simply, without much serious discussion. Lucius paid his tailor a visit, to order some new clothes and convinced Severus to go out for a late meal where they ordered too many things to eat and spent most of their time behaving as if they had no obligations other than to themselves. Lucius scandalized their waiter by making a number of indelicate suggestions within the man's earshot, and Severus hoped feverently that he wasn't the sort to poison their food in retribution. Satiated and warm from two bottles of ridiculously expensive wine, they apparated back to the Spanish house. When Lucius pulled him by the arm, Severus didn't protest and they climbed into the bed to talk in low voices about the things that they would do now. In a fit of boldness, Severus kissed him on the forehead. Lucius laughed very quietly and put his hands in Severus' hair. They fell asleep comfortably entangled in the bed clothes and each other's limbs. When Severus prepared to leave for Hogwarts in the morning, Lucius kissed him back, once on the forehead and once on the mouth. It made the younger wizard embarassingly weak at the knees, and for a moment he worried that he would splinch himself into a wall somewhere.
"Do come visit when you have a free weekend," Lucius said, an enigmatic smile on his face.
Author: tsarina amanda
Fandom - Pairing: Harry Potter; Lucius/Severus, Lucius/Narcissa
Rating: R
Archive: please ask
Feedback: always appreciated
Summary: Lucius Malfoy leaves Azkaban for the first time and life starts again in the aftermath of the First War
This is the complete first chunk of what seems to be developing into an epic story against my better judgement. This will be the first chapter of the story, and some of you may be familiar with the pieces I've previously posted.
In the end, Lucius Malfoy spent two months, four days, seven hours and thirty six minutes in the custody of the Ministry and Azkaban. He was able to remember with odd clarity the clock in the hallway of the Manor, where he apparated home bloody and exhausted from a futile battle. Narcissa was holding Draco in her arms and presiding with icy anger from the stairs as a team of Aurors milled about his home. Lucius had barely registered his surprise when a weedy young Auror shoved an arrest warrant at Narcissa and several others shouted "Stupefy!' all at once. He remembered the disdain on Narcissa's face, the paper fluttering to the ground, the clock beside the door and then darkness.
There was also a clock in long hallway of Azkaban. He watched the moments tick with impatience, his face a blank mask. Unable to allow this last chance to pass, the clerks had invented some problem with his release papers and were busily making a mess of things while his lawyer alternated between cheerful smiles and threats. Far down the hallway, there was the faintest change in the light as if the sun were rising. At last the clerks decided any more fun might present a problem for the ministry and dutifully stamped the documents allowing Lucius to walk out into the pale winter morning.
Several layers of wards protected the island and the prison from various types of incursion, including sudden and unexpected apparitions. So Lucius walked slowly down the stone path to the edge of the sea, where a boat would take them back to the outside world. His eyes watered, and a chill breeze from the water made his robes rustle. Lucius wondered if the poor food had contributed to some ill health, and rubbed at his eyes. But the shadow in the boat didn't disappear. As they drew closer, he almost laughed aloud. Sitting like an ill tempered and unwholesome bird was none other than one of his closest friends. Severus Snape nodded by way of greeting, and remained silent as the boat glided back to the coast. Lucius' lawyer chattered and made various notes on bits of paper, promising to have copies of all the relevant documents forwarded to Lucius as soon as he made it back to his London office. Lucius watched the North Sea, his hair whipping around and escaping the hood of his cloak. Once, he turned around to look at Severus. They both looked older, he decided, and turned his gaze back onto the water. For his part, Severus was surprised to see how much Azkaban had affected Lucius. The blonde wizard appeared to be made of cut glass, his pale skin tinged grey and his hair lacking it's usually perfect luster. He was thin too. At the rocky, unwelcoming shore, the energetic lawyer shook Lucius' hand before apparating away. Severus remained silent, arms folded.
"Why are you here, Severus?" Lucius asked at length. He walked carefully up the rocks to a flat, sandy stretch of ground.
"I have some time away from the school before the holidays end, and Dumbledore does not require I spend all my time at Hogwarts." Severus followed Lucius, feeling the tingle of magic as they left the last curtain of wards behind. "I am also aware that Narcissa is not responding to your letters, nor will she be at home to greet you."
"How do-" Lucius bit the question off sharply. Anger brought a spot of color into his face for a moment, and animated him. It faded quickly.
"You need to bathe, and eat a decent meal." Severus moved to stand beside Lucius and took his elbow. "You also don't need to do it alone."
"Not the Manor," Lucius said quietly.
"Where then?"
"Oh, gods above." Lucius sighed. "The house in Spain, I think."
"Fine. I'll take us. I don't trust you not to splinch us into a wall."
"It's been three years since you were there."
"My memory is infinitely better than yours, Lucius."
-----
The house in Costa Blanca was quiet and empty. Fortunately the small magics bound into the building recognized Lucius, and house elves were summoned from their unknown dominion to begin making things comfortable for their master. Lucius jerked his elbow away irritably, and hurried across the courtyard. It was grey in Spain, clouds moving swift and low. Severus paused. The place seemed not to have changed a bit in the past three years. The Malfoys had not been to Spain during that time though, so it made sense for the house to remain static, frozen like a memory. Inside, Lucius was already snapping orders a pair of quivering house elves as he stalked through the echoing rooms. He flung open the doors to the bedroom and started peeling off his clothing before he even stepped into the bathroom.
"Severus!" he shouted as he rummaged through cupboards for soap and towels.
"Yes?" He leaned against the arched doorway, amusement flickering across his face.
"I want you to owl, or send a house elf, or what have you," Lucius began as he piled things on the edge of an oversized bath. "Just get me some clean clothes and things. I doubt there's anything winter suitable in this closet, if there is anything at all."
"Is there anything else?"
"No." Lucius paused. Standing naked, it was much more obvious that Azkaban skimmed flesh from his body. He raised an eyebrow and looked back at Severus. "If you are done staring, then I would take it as a kindness if you did that now."
Severus rolled his eyes and went in search of a house elf. Lucius turned back to the bath, which was almost full of hot water. He dumped an entire bottle of something that smelled like oranges into the water, causing it to foam and froth. Half a dozen small bottles went onto the ledge, and a large stack of towels went onto the floor. Lucius lowered himself gingerly into the water which was almost too hot to stand. His skin flushed almost instantly white to pink. With a deep sigh, Lucius sank under the water.
-----
Hours later, Lucius walked barefoot into the sitting room wearing a thick green bath robe and linen slacks. Hi still damp hair hung loose. In Azkaban he kept it tied back almost all the time, in a last futile effort to retain some neatness. One wall was all glass, covered by dark curtains. Beside the burning fire, Severus sat in an armchair reading. The clock showed it was nearly evening. He was glad of the colors, vivid red, gold, and brown. The furniture was dark and heavy, the opposite of the bright and small pieces Narcissa usually favored. This house was a bequest from Abraxus Malfoy and given over to Lucius after his marriage.
"I thought you knew Catullus by heart," he remarked. Severus didn't look up.
"Your clothes arrived."
"I know." Lucius settled gracelessly on the divan across from Severus. "It's more important to be comfortable than presentable at the moment. No one to impress here." Severus snorted and muttered something under his breath. Ignoring him, Lucius propped his feet up and snapped his fingers. The house elf was visible only for a second as it deposited a tray holding glasses and an assortment of bottles.
"Shouldn't you at least attempt actual food before you start drinking Lucius?"
"I've been waiting months for the moment when I could toast my freedom and become extravagently drunk."
"You're in no shape for that." Severus closed his book. "Lucius," he said in a warning tone as the other man continued to ignore him.
"What I would like to know is why you are so interested in my well being right now Severus." Lucius poured out a glass of wine after careful consideration.
"Because obviously someone needs to look after you."
"Touching, but hardly true."
"Obligations don't just disappear," he answered softly.
"Obligations?" Lucius chuckled dryly. "Certainly not to me."
"Obligation to your family, nevertheless."
Lucius tightened his grip on his glass. "I am so glad my wife has such caring friends."
"Oh Lucius, really," Severus snapped. "Between you and Bellatrix, the woman has been through more than enough. It's absurd of you to expect her not to be upset."
"Upset?" Lucius repeated incredulously.
"She had Aurors rampaging through the house, endured a very public scandal involving several family members... surely you recognize the strain that has put on Narcissa in your absence."
"My absence?" Lucius' voice dripped malice. "I was in bloody fucking Azkaban, not absent."
"Please do continue playing martyr. You got off quite lightly, considering."
"Lightly!" His hand shook, and wine spilled onto the tiled floor. "That's rich Severus, especially in light of the fact that your testimony helped me earn that 'light' punishment." Severus didn't respond for a long moment. Lucius drained his glass and poured another one. The firelight made him seem less wan, though it brought out the shadows in his face. His fingers traced patterns on the fabric of the divan. Severus waited patiently for Lucius to end whatever consumed his thoughts.
"You're going to make yourself sick Lucius."
"Is there some reason you're here? Other than some desire to prove to my wife how much better of a husband you would make?"
"Far, far too late for that." Severus' smile was a shade bitter.
"Get out Severus."
"No."
"Perhaps you didn't understand. Get. Out. Of. My. House." He accidentally swept his glass onto the floor. Cursing the small explosion of crystal and alcohol, Lucius rose to his feet. "Get out before I hex you into pieces."
"Oh for Merlin's sake," Severus snapped. "This is absurd and you know it. You are not the only person who has suffered in this, and you are not the only person who lost something."
"I am not in any mood for lectures Severus."
"Neither am I, truth be told. Now quit shouting and sit back down before you cut your feet." Lucius glared helplessly before he collapsed back onto the divan. With a wand flick, Severus cleared away the broken glass. "At least attempt to be reasonable, or do I need to spell you into sleep so we can continue this tomorrow?"
"That's quite out of the question." Lucius shuddered.
"Fine." With his hand folded under his chin, he watched Lucius with some interest. "There are a number of things we do need to discuss, including what should be done in the aftermath of certain events. Your participation in that discussion is vital, hence my interest in your current condition. There are other, personal matters between us that also need to be addressed. I have several days before I need to return to Hogwarts, so I am only willing to be patient so long."
"Is this absolutely necessary?"
"It wouldn't be if you had shown any decency to me." Severus pressed his lips tightly together, clearly annoyed about the other wizard's carelessness.
"I couldn't tell you, Severus, even if I had wanted to do so," Lucius sighed.
"You damn well could have said something to me."
"Are you really still obsessed with that Mudblood whore?"
"Are you still obsessed with your wife's sister?" Severus spat, furious.
"Say one more word about that right now, and I will make you pay for all of them."
"So easy for you to call others out, but you can't stand to be reminded of your own failings Lucius?"
"You are a fine one to lecture me on being self centered," he replied in a cool voice. "Your presence here has everything to do with your interests and very little to do with mine. So do stop pretending that you are so terribly concerned about my well being and allow me to enjoy this relative peace."
Severus stared at Lucius for several heart beats before he rose abruptly.
"I'm going to have dinner and retire. There are some letters I should write. If you have any sense, you'll attempt to eat something but I doubt you will. I'm sure this discussion will be even more enjoyable with you hungover." The temptation to get in the last word made him babble and it embarassed him. Severus swept out of the room, the volume of Catullus tucked under his arm. When he heard the door slam on the guest bedroom suite, Lucius threw his glass at the empty chair. It bounced off and smashed on the floor, each piece wet and glistening.
-----
Very early in the morning Severus rose and dressed in the semidarkness. The sun was just coming up out over the ocean, not quite above the horizon. When he stepped out onto the balcony of his guest room, he was surprised to see Lucius pacing slowly from one end of the terrace to the other. Severus shook his head, bemused and horrified by whatever had caused Lucius to be up at an hour he long considered unnatural. Severus snapped his fingers and a house elf appeared at his feet. By the time he made his way out onto the terrace, a table was set up with tea and breakfast. If Lucius hadn't eaten the night before he would be starving now, he thought. Severus settled himself down, watching Lucius continue his solitary patrol of the balustrade. As he approached the table Lucius blinked and looked surprised to see Severus sitting there.
"I won't even ask, it's clear you've been out here all night." Severus poured another cup of tea and pushed it in front of Lucius as the other wizard sat. "Your hair, Lucius, is a mess," he said pointedly at the other wizard's baffled expression. Lucius grimaced and tapped his wand irritably.
"I forgot about the wind." His hair settled smoothly back over his shoulders.
"It's windy in the North Sea."
"I wasn't outside very much."
They sat in silence. Out over the water the sun slipped up into the sky. Severus spread preserves on his toast. The daylight did Lucius no favors. He stirred his tea absently, crushing the lemon against the side of his cup with the back of his spoon.
"I don't have time to play nursemaid with you Lucius. Eat something or I'm going to tie you to that chair and start pouring unpleasant potions down your throat until you reach a sufficent level of alertness and coherency." Severus ignored the other man's pointed stare, and relaxed fractionally when Lucius reached for the plate of breads and pastries. Tucking his wand back into his sleeve, Severus resumed his breakfast. It was becoming clear that this visit would be far more tedious than he expected. Lucius picked at his plate, but slowly ate an orange and two biscuits under the other's watchful glare.
"How is Narcissa?" Lucius asked as he slowly peeled and quarted another orange.
"Deeply unhappy of course." Severus laughed mirthlessly. "But how could she not be? Her sister's been given a life sentence, you were arrested in your home, and the public nature of such a scandal has made her position extremely difficult."
"Why is it that she's written to you and not to me?"
"Because I've always entertained Narcissa and been the friend you wanted me to be to her. I'm in a far better position than you are right now because I've not been in prison for months. It doesn't look like I bought my freedom because I've no fortune or social clout to confuse the issue."
"Of course," Lucius drew the words out. "By renouncing your vows and offering yourself to the Ministry I'm sure your name is much more redeemed than mine. Being poor is so much more worthy."
"I have not renounced anything," Severus responded hotly. "Going to Dumbledore was done on His orders-"
"I know exactly what he ordered you to do," Lucius interrupted. "I don't think that included turning so many of us over to the Aurors."
"An unfortunate consequence." Severus shrugged. "But no one truly valuable."
"Did you send them to my house?"
"Lucius that question is so idiotic I shouldn't even respond. That idiot Karkaroff started screaming names at the top of his lungs once they took him to Azkaban."
"Fool," Lucius spat. "He'll be punished for that, in the end." They looked at each other across the table.
"Do you think He's dead?"
"Not a subject I have a definite opinion on, actually."
His fingers shook slightly as Lucius unbuttoned his sleeve and rolled it up to the elbow. For months and months the Mark had stood out lividly against his skin. Now it was pale, washed out grey and had the look of a scar. After a moment, Severus pushed up his own sleeve. Lucius held his arm out across the table, putting it side by side with Severus'. Lucius tapped at his forearm, tracing the outline on his own arm with the tip of his wand. Severus had seen him do that before a hundred times and it was always slightly unsettling to watch Lucius fidget that way. Severus tried to ignore his own forearm as much as he could get away with it and avoided touching his own Mark if at all possible.
"I can only imagine that he's not quite dead if this still exists," Lucius said at length. "Would it stay otherwise?"
"I've no idea Lucius." Severus shrugged and rolled his sleeve back down. "We do need to decide what happens from here now, I think."
"What is there to decide?" Lucius kept running his wand up and down his forearm with a pensive expression.
"What to do with the other Death Eaters. We hardly need another incident like Bellatrix. You, especially, do not need another incident like Bellatrix."
"No," Lucius agreed. "I will have to manage that."
"I'm glad to see your sense of responsibility hasn't deserted you entirely."
"Oh shut up," Lucius replied in an irritable voice. He shifted in his chair, staring out at the ocean instead.
"You can't avoid her entirely. It will only make things worse."
"I'm not trying to avoid her. She is avoiding me." Lucius jabbed his finger into the air.
"Lucius, you can hardly expect her to be thrilled with the situation..."
"What I can expect is for her to be here. I don't think that's unreasonable."
"You are being unreasonable," Severus remarked with some asperity.
"You're hardly old enough to lecture me Severus." Lucius chuckled at the flash of annoyance on Severus' face. "Not only are you young, but unmarried, which makes you one of the last people who needs to instruct me on how to behave towards my wife."
"I'm older than you were when you married Narcissa," Severus said. "I've probably spent more time in conversation with her than you have in all that time. Don't give me that look, Lucius, you know perfectly well that I'm left to entertain her when you're busy lording it over the others and you certainly don't encourage her to do anything more than sit at the dinner table and pour drinks when people come to your home."
"You make it sound like she's suffered terribly by marrying me. That's hardly the case."
"You treat everyone with contempt Lucius, and it shows poorly."
"I am in no mood to talk about it with you," Lucius sighed. He slid down in his seat and propped his feet up on another chair.
"I don't give a damn what your mood is Lucius." It was a lie, but Severus was so used to lying it hardly mattered.
"Severus, you are a dear friend but you are pushing my endurance just a bit too much right now. Are you just here to increase my headache?" Lucius pointed his wand at Severus. "Because my patience for all of this is running short."
"Put that away Lucius. You couldn't pull off a first year hex right now."
"I'm certainly able to throw you out of my house if I choose to do so."
Severus just laughed and threw his napkin onto the table. Rising from his seat, he moved around the table to stand directly in front of Lucius with his arms crossed and an almost indecently amused expression on his face. Lucius swung his feet to the ground and stood up so the two wizards were only a wand's length apart.
"Come on then," Severus challenged. "Go right ahead."
Lucius raised his wand to point it directly into Severus' chest. His lips were pressed tightly together, almost white. The corner of his mouth turned up in a half smile, a concession. Dropping his wand, Lucius turned to the side shaking his head and Severus relaxed the wordless shield charm in his mind. Without saying a word, Lucius swung his left fist directly into Severus' face. It made a very satisfying crack. Stunned, the younger wizard took a step back. Lucius smirked as blood dripped from Severus' nose.
"Get out of my house," Lucius said in a pleasant, falsely cheerful voice.
He had barely finished when Severus lunged forward, knocking them both into the breakfast table. With a resounding crash of silver, china and glass they slid sideways off onto the ground. The smarting pain and blood interfered with Severus' ability to focus properly. Lucius dropped his wand and rolled, trying to pin the other wizard to the stone. Severus pushed himself away from the wreckage of the breakfast dishes and tried to hit Lucius in the face. Lucius slapped his hands away. He punched Severus in the stomach as hard as he was able, causing Severus to lose his breath and his grip on Lucius' shoulders. Half curled up from the lack of oxygen, he couldn't do much to avoid the next few punches Lucius managed to land. In a moment, he had an opening and kicked Lucius hard in the leg. Lucius yelped in surprise and leaned back. It was enough to give Severus a few seconds respite and he grabbed wildly. His fingers tangled in Lucius' hair, and Severus pressed his advantage by yanking as hard as he was able. It pulled Lucius off balance, and Severus wrapped as much of the hair as he could around his hand to smack Lucius' head against the ground. He did it again just for good measure, ignoring Lucius' nails raking down his arm. Severus swung one leg over Lucius, trying to hold him still.
"Damn you Lucius," Severus shouted. "Damn you, stop it. Lucius! Stop it!" It took him a moment to realize Lucius was laughing. Severus jerked the other man up by his hair and drew his wand. He pressed the point into the hollow of Lucius' throat. Severus' hands were shaking. It had been years since he was on the receiving end of Lucius' temper, and he had forgotten how bloody hard the bastard could hit. It was something he should have expected.
"Severus if you've cracked my skull I will thank you later," Lucius said thickly.
"What?" Severus asked, taken aback by the unexpected statement.
"A few days of solid unconsciousness sounds very restful." Lucius closed his eyes and felt gingerly at his head. Severus stared at him in horror.
"Oh you great bloody fool," he muttered. "Would it have been too much to ask me to make you something?" Severus cursed under his breath as he untangled his fingers from Lucius' hair.
"Much easier this way," Lucius replied. "Also much more fun. You looked so surprised."
"Idiot," Severus said as he pulled Lucius up. "Get up." He dragged Lucius inside, and back to the guest rooms he occupied. Pushing the other wizard uncermoniously down on the bed, Severus rummaged around in his travelling case. Lucius watched him through narrowed eyes, and kicked off his shoes before curling up on his side. The right side of his head throbbed unmercifully.
"Idiot," Severus repeated as he thrust a bottle into Lucius' hand. "Couldn't you have just said you couldn't sleep? I really didn't want a broken nose."
Lucius shrugged and twisted the bottle back and forth as Severus rummaged further. He watched in silence as Severus fixed his nose and cleaned his face off. Once he had reassured himself that the nose was back to normal, Severus came back to sit on the edge of the bed. Lucius' hair was tangled again, and there was line of blood down the side of his face and around his ear.
"That's going to bruise up horribly." Severus reached out with his wand but Lucius waved it away.
"Just leave it," Lucius said firmly.
"Why?" asked Severus, very puzzled.
"Just do."
"At least let me clean up the blood. That's unnecessarily messy."
"Fine," Lucius agreed. He closed his eyes, and Severus tried to clean off the blood without magic. It felt very strange to be sitting beside Lucius, who was now very quiet.
"Drink that, and you'll sleep without dreams. I'll come check on you later to make sure I haven't permanently damaged your thick skull." Severus dropped the bloody wash cloth back into the basin. Lucius grabbed his wrist.
"Stay here." It wasn't phrased as a question, but there was a peculiar tone to Lucius' voice. It made Severus uneasy to see him this way, or to think of Lucius as a needy man. He wondered if Lucius was this way around Narcissa. She had never given him much of a clue about their private life, aside from delicate and easily deflected questions that revealed how little she knew about Lucius' activities.
"Very well," Severus agreed. He watched Lucius down the potion without a word, and settled himself into a chair beside the bed with a book.
Narcissa,
I hope that you and Draco are well, and that the winter in Italy has been pleasant. Thank you for the Yule gift. Your thoughtfulness is quite appreciated, and it has made my home at Hogwarts much more pleasant.
Severus paused and laid the quill down on the night table. He wrote few personal letters, so the beginnings were always awkward and stilted in his mind. This particular letter was even more difficult given both the subject and recipient. He stared at the paper for a long moment, then out the window. It was less gloomy today, but the clouds obscured more sun than they let through.
While I know that you avoid the news from England, you should know that Lucius has been released from Azkaban. The Ministry ruled that he was bewitched and under the influence of the Imperius curse. He has received a pardon, and there will be no further reparations demanded. I have convinced him to retire to the house in Spain for the moment, and I believe he will spend at least a couple weeks here. He is not entirely well from his time in prison, but nothing that will not be fixed ultimately. He is sleeping poorly, and still a bit agitated from the experience. Please do not worry about his condition overly much, as I intend to stay with him until I need to return to teaching. I will keep an eye on Lucius to make certain he stays out of any immediate trouble.
The sleep was dreamless, but not entirely restful. Lucius turned and muttered from time to time. His long fingers splayed out over the bedspread. Severus paused in his writing and put one hand on Lucius' head, smoothing the hair out of his face. He was tempted to heal the bruise on the side of Lucius' face, but it was possible that Lucius would only find some other inventive way to give himself a headache. Lucius often kept bruises and marks out of some perverse sense of pride so long as they didn't interfere with his vanity.
My other news is more grim. I am sorry to break this to you, though I know you are not especially close to Bellatrix. Your sister and her husband have received life sentences. Bellatrix has never been able to keep her countenance as you know, and I'm afraid she made quite a scene at the Ministry's hearing. Rodolphus was hardly better, but he does lack your sister's flair for inventive and creative insults. The only saving grace of that was that the hearing was closed to reporters, so it should not be in the papers at all aside from the announcement of her sentence. Hopefully that too will pass quickly.
Lucius made another indistinct sound. Severus frowned, and pulled out another bit of parchement to write a quick note. No doubt he would need more supplies to mix the sleeping potions as well as anything that would blunt Lucius' anxiety and recklessness for a short time. He summoned a house elf and dispatched that note before he returned to the more important letter in his lap.
I know this is in no way easy for you to bear. You know that my friendship is not for your husband alone. While I intend to try and settle Lucius as much as possible before he visits you, it will be difficult for the both of you. He cares very deeply for you and his son, and your silence has distressed him. You may write to me here in Spain if there is anything I can do to effect some reconcilliation.
-Severus
Carefully Severus folded and addressed the letter to Mrs. Malfoy. Once it too was dispatched to the owls, he turned his attention back to Lucius who was turning restlessly. A hand on his head seemed to settle him again, and Severus found himself wondering if Narcissa did this for her husband. They had seperate bedroom suites as was traditional in old wizarding families, bue he knew Lucius rarely slept alone. He was just as likely to ensconce himself on the bed of someone else in the dormitory at Hogwarts, and it rarely mattered if the someone was a sexual conquest or not. Lucius was just a physical creature. Very much unlike himself, Severus thought. It made him slightly nervous but he was determined not to think about it. Severus moved to sit on the other side of the bed, propped up against the headboard where he could read and keep one hand on Lucius' shoulder. If he had to spend the afternoon watching over Lucius, he might as well attempt to catch up on the academic journals for the past year. Perhaps he could soothe his ambitions in that direction, if nothing else. So for hours, Severus flipped slowly through papers on potions and spellcraft while Lucius slept untroubled.
-----
For the next two days, Severus existed in an almost perpetual state of tension. He had to keep Lucius drugged because the man showed a disturbing habit of avoiding sleep if he wasn't and that presented more challenges than Severus actually wanted to deal with at the moment. Lucius was not normally a quiet or restful man, and seeing him so was unsettling. Severus gave him as much as he thought was safe. However, the silence couldn't last. Outside, it appeared perpetually overcast. The mornings were sunny, almost. The situation wore on Severus' patience.
He found Lucius awake early in the morning, drinking tea. Papers were scattered all over the table, and a trio of owls dropped off packages to crowd the table. One of them was an overgrown eagle owl from the Malfoy manor. It was a cantankerous bird, perched on the back of a chair.
"I can't understand why you keep those things."
"Because they are very useful," Lucius answered. He offered the bird a chunk of bacon.
"It would be better if you ate breakfast, instead of feeding your montrous bird." Severus pulled out a chair far away from the owl, looking askance at it. The dark bird shook its wings and croaked. Lucius offered it another piece of bacon.
"Bellatrix made the front page." Lucius tossed a copy of the Daily Prophet at Severus.
"Charming," Severus said slowly as he scanned through the article. "I see Azkaban only increases her harping. I'm surprised they printed most of this." A half page picture of Bella sneered from the paper, looking more fanatical than ever. He sighed.
"It's not a place to encourage care," Lucius said softly. The owl butted its head against Lucius' shoulder and he fed it the last of his bacon. Severus didn't ask the obvious question and started eating his breakfast. Lucius stroked the bird's bronze colored feathers and stirred his tea.
-----
Lucius spent most of his time outside if he was awake. In Azkaban, he wouldn't have ever thought he was near the ocean. There was no wind, no smell of water and salt. Azkaban smelled like mold, and stagnation. The walls were thick, blocking out all light and sound. It hardly mattered to the dementors that it was almost always dark and chill. It was their natural environment after all. The rough heavy stone was no different from Italian marble to them.
If he wasn't outside, he ran scalding baths. Being clean was such a visceral pleasure and one sorely missed. The first night it took him a steady hour to trim up his hair and put it back into some semblence of order, only a few inches shorter than before. The urge to scrub away all his exposed his skin still hadn't quite settled. Two months was a long time to go without a proper bath.
At odd intervals, the human keepers of Azkaban would bring him a bucket of cold, gritty water. At first it incensed him, but there was no point in raging about it. Nothing would change, and they would only derive satisfaction from seeing him angry and helpless. He only let that happen twice. The second time was the most foolish but he hadn't been able to restrain himself once it started. Lucius punched the offical Ministry representative who informed him that it was necessary for the safety of all involved that Lucius remain in Azkaban for the duration of the trial. When the others boiled into the room to pull him off, the beating was laughable. He wanted to tell them nothing was worse than the hissed Crucio but he couldn't catch his breath between laughing and the blows. Nothing was worse than the Dementor they left in his room for an hour, in the end.
The stray thought of it still made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. It kept him from sleeping, becausethe darkness behind his eyelids was no safer and sometimes worse. Something in his chest felt cold, and no amount of hot baths or sleep or alcohol seemed to take that feeling away.
-----
The fire made the room overly warm, but Lucius prodded it anyway. A hiss at the house elf made it burn higher. The weather had turned for the worse outside, bringing stinging rain. He leaned back into the chair, rubbing absently at his arm and wondering if the chill would just stop one day. Across the room, Severus flipped irritably through some letters and papers.
"You have that look on your face," Lucius said without turning around. "I can hear you."
"Unless you've suddenly discovered a talent, Lucius, that's an absurd statement."
"What is bothering you Severus?" he asked.
"Nothing," Severus answered shortly.
"Liar." Lucius smiled. "I don't need any skill at legilimency to know that."
"A skill you've thankfully never possessed," Severus answered. He folded all the letters up and stuck them into a book.
"Are you going to say anything to me? Or will we circle around this for days yet?"
Severus gritted his teeth and abandoned his chair. Lucius watched him from the corner of his eye, expectant. The younger wizard paced from the windows to the fire and back with his brows drawn down to the bridge of his nose in concentration.
"Say something or stop pacing. It's distracting." Lucius picked up his glass, studying the reflection of the fire.
"Fine," Severus snapped. He strode back to the fireplace and plucked the glass of whiskey out of Lucius' hand. "Pay attention then."
"As you wish," Lucius replied with mocking calm.
"Don't be flippant. Not right now." There was a raw edge to Severus' voice. "Everything is so damned easy for you that you don't stop to think about the costs." Lucius raised his eyebrows, a quick retort on the edge of speech. Severus' furious expression held him silent.
"Don't interrupt me," Severus continued. "You've asked me into your confidences, you've asked me to follow you down this path, without ever stopping to think what it would force me to give up. Now that the whole damned mess has collapsed, and what have we got Lucius? You have the same fortune and easy life that you had before. I've lost..." He paused, catching his breath. "I've lost too much. I'm teaching children now, because the only protection I have from prison is Albus Dumbledore who believes..."
"Who believes you turned to his side because of Lily and James Potter," Lucius finished.
"Damn you yes! Because of them." Severus pressed a hand to his face, as if he regretted shouting.
"Severus, I know you think-"
"You don't know what I think, and you know even less about how I felt." Severus glared at his friend.
"I know you think you were in love," Lucius said carefully. "But when you are so young, it's hard to tell what's real."
"Because you are so old, and wise," Severus said. "I suppose next you'll say you 'think' you were in love with Bella for a time, or that you 'think' you might love your wife now."
"That is not the point." Something flickered in Lucius' face, but disappeared a heart beat later.
"No, what we really should discuss is what you are going to do about this now."
"What I'm going to do?" Lucius repeated slowly. "I wasn't aware that there was anything to do."
"Lucius!" Severus exploded. "Nothing is right. Voldemort has vanished, the Lestranges in Azkaban, the dead... This is not what was supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to happen this way." As Severus spoke, Lucius rose slowly from his chair. Severus looked torn between misery and anger, his hands shaking. "I don't know what we're doing anymore."
"We do what we agreed to do. That's what we continue to do."
"And if everything we agreed to has come to naught? This is becoming madness Lucius and you have to know that."
"I know. This is not the future we had in mind." Lucius tried to soothe him, putting an arm around his shoulders. "I know, I know."
He rested his chin on Severus' head. Continuing to murmur words that sounded comforting, he stared into the fire. Severus was right, mostly. Things were dreadfully wrong. The problem was that he didn't know how to fix any of it, and there didn't appear to be anyone else around to take up the task. The thought made Lucius intensely weary. He felt too young and already old at twenty eight facing the future they had failed to construct. When Severus started to speak again, Lucius hushed him. He didn't know what to say, and hardly wanted to admit that. It scared him, actually.
"What happens to us now?" Severus asked, an hour later. The fire had burned down to a dull roar, and Lucius had poured them both generous glasses of firewhiskey that were mostly empty now. They were sitting on the sofa as companionably as they had when they were teenagers. Lucius had his feet up on the arm of the sofa, and his head propped against Severus' shoulder.
"We go on," Lucius said with a shrug. Severus shifted, not pleased with the answer but unwilling to push the argument further. Lucius was secretly glad for that.
Long after Lucius had failed to provide any real reassurances to his friend, he hauled the both of them off the sofa and into bed. Over Severus' protests, Lucius dragged the younger wizard to his own bedroom. It was just Lucius after all, lonely and bored and probably mentally damaged somewhere along the way. The dim light picked up the blue and gold sheen on the bedsheets, and the dark wood of the heavy furniture. Still perturbed but resigned, Severus borrowed some of the man's night clothes and crawled under the heavy silk comforter to claim space on the bed before the other wizard managed to sprawl across everything. Lucius dropped onto the bed, and doused the lights with a wordless gesture. He ruffled Severus' hair affectionately, ignoring the snort of disapproval. Sleep proved elusive for Severus even as it quickly claimed Lucius. At length he resigned himself to staring into the darkness and sometimes patting the arm draped across his side. He hadn't slept in Lucius' bed for years, not since shortly after the Malfoy wedding. Narcissa was happy to put up with Lucius' fondness for physical comfort and his violation of tradition by frequently sleeping in his wife's bed. Severus privately thought that Narcissa assumed it was a sign of love. It was an easy mistake to make with Lucius.
When Severus was in his early years at Hogwarts, Lucius was still there. He was infamous for sleeping in the beds of others, too lazy or too comfortable to go creeping back to his own in the middle of the night after mischief or study. More than once Lucius had invaded the privacy of Severus' bed, claiming his year mates were entertaining or he was cold. Severus had never been able to ask Lucius exactly why he wandered all the way down to the other dormitory instead of finding a nearer bed. Lucius was just like that, too assured for any question. His easy physicality was a subject of gossip from time to time, and Lucius did nothing to dissuade it. He was always serenely unruffled by that sort of thing. In his 7th year, Lucius played Chaser on the Slytherin Quidditch team and during a match with Gryffindor he took a nasty crack from the tail end of a broom. Any other Slytherin on the team probably would have engaged in some dueling that evening, or perhaps a covert hex during the game. Lucius just swung up next to the other boy and punched him in the head. They managed to crash land in the stands where they continued brawling until their heads of House managed to pull them apart. For the next few days, Lucius wore a spectular bruise under his eye and just smiled at the politely horrifed conversation in his wake. Half the House was pretending it didn't happen, and the other half were outraged. It was one of the few times Lucius did something that was so universally condemned by his peers and Severus was amazed by his composure in the face of such censure.
In his sleep Lucius made muffled interrogative sounds. Severus patted his arm again, and Lucius put his forehead against Severus' shoulder blade. He could feel Lucius' breath on his back, steady and slow. It wasn't precisely uncomfortable, but Severus was too used to sleeping alone. This other wizard's presence kept him just on the wrong side of dreams. Sometimes Lucius would crawl into his bed, waking him up in the middle of the night. Severus never did figure out if he just got tired of sleeping alone, or if someone else had kicked him out but supposed it was probably both. During the end of term his second year, Lucius woke him up not long after Severus had fallen asleep studying his potions text. Irritably he peppered Lucius with questions even after the older boy told him to shut up and go back to sleep. Severus kept at it despite Lucius covering his mouth with a hand, determined to cause some aggravation of his own to the older boy. Only when Lucius clamped his mouth over Severus' did he stop, more out of surprise than anything else. Lucius' deft hands made quick work of Severus' adolescent desire and afterwards it didn't even occur to him to ask the obvious questions. Morning made it seem like a fever dream. However Severus experimented from time to time to see if he could provoke the same sequence of events again and he enjoyed varying degrees of success.
They never actually spoke about it, and Severus tried not to draw uncomfortable conclusions. It made him feel closer to Lucius, increasing his fascination with the boy who was everything he was not. But everything was complicated and Severus was never easy or settled about it the way Lucius was. Later he was glad to conclude it was better that nothing had been said, especially when the Malfoy Black wedding was announced and when he started to notice the Gryffindor girl in his potions class. Severus dreaded the thought of seeing the same exasperated forbearance in Lucius' face as he saw in hers. He took out his frustration on his year mates, as much as he could and at least until the dreadful events at the Shrieking Shack. By then it was clear to him that the girl would never be a possibility but Severus continued to nuture a secret hope that something would change. Even as he grew older, more cynical, and more used to an unfair world he kept that absurd dream locked tight in his mind, concealed from even the most skilled legilimens. That hope lasted all the way up until October when everything suddenly turned into chaos.
Severus shifted restlessly, kneading his pillow into a more comfortable shape. Behind him, Lucius slept seemingly untroubled. While that would have comforted him at any other time, it merely made him want to kick Lucius. Instead Severus loosely held Lucius' hand against his chest, and tried to review arithmancy tables in his head to force himself away from the obvious questions too painful to ask. Perhaps in the morning, he thought. Severus woke up alone, torn between relief and disappointment.
-----
It was a subject Lucius would have rather avoided entirely. There was no escaping it after breakfast however, so they both sat on the terrace. It was almost sunny, and not as appallingly cold as before. The stone was slick but not frozen over in the weak daylight.
"I have to return to Hogwarts tomorrow," Severus said too casually. "Students."
"I shouldn't want to deprive you of the chance to mold young minds." Lucius released his owl, and watched the heavy bird flap up into the clouds. Since his release Lucius had already sent Narcissa two letters, neither of which generated any response. It appeared he would just have to find her.
"Is it necessary for you to be a bastard about this?" Severus glared and Lucius just shrugged.
"I don't have an answer for you. Teaching at Hogwarts is your safety net, and you knew what you were getting into by taking up that position. It's not an entirely bad life, is it?"
"Not entirely bad." Severus shook his head. "I think you would cut your own throat before you stooped to having a profession."
"Not entirely bad for someone who has certainly lived in worse places," Lucius countered.
"It's the constant scrutiny that concerns me."
"That will fade, sooner or later. This current hysteria will die down. The Ministry is certainly pushing the idea that the Dark Lord is dead and gone, so it won't be long before the subject is something that decent people avoid even acknowledging." Lucius folded his arms against his chest.
"What are you going to do, about the others?" Severus asked cautiously.
"Pay a few visits I suppose, write a few letters. Drive home the importance of being discreet for the time being until we have a better idea of what's actually happened to Him."
Severus nodded. It was a sore subject with so many of the Death Eaters. The fanatics like Bellatrix refused to even consider the possibility that Voldemort was vanquished. Severus didn't believe he was quite dead and gone, but he was surprised that there had not been any sign in the months since the events at Godric's Hollow. It was hard to believe that one of the most skillful wizards of their time had been undone by an infant. No one truly understood it, and speculation was thick both within the Ministry and outside it. A devoted group of scholars was sincerely perturbed that there was no feasible way to replicate the scenario short of murder, thus rendering the question unanswerable by experiment. His thoughts on the subject were interrupted by Lucius' voice.
"Are you going to visit again?" he asked.
"I can." Severus raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to see your wife, or will I be stuck as the envoy between the two of you? You should at least make the effort Lucius, if only to visit your son."
"Yes," replied Lucius. He gestured out at the ocean in the vague direction of Italy. "After I've assured myself that those of us not in prison will do well not to cause any more disturbances, I'll go to her."
"It would be better to take care of that first," Severus agreed.
The remainder of the day passed simply, without much serious discussion. Lucius paid his tailor a visit, to order some new clothes and convinced Severus to go out for a late meal where they ordered too many things to eat and spent most of their time behaving as if they had no obligations other than to themselves. Lucius scandalized their waiter by making a number of indelicate suggestions within the man's earshot, and Severus hoped feverently that he wasn't the sort to poison their food in retribution. Satiated and warm from two bottles of ridiculously expensive wine, they apparated back to the Spanish house. When Lucius pulled him by the arm, Severus didn't protest and they climbed into the bed to talk in low voices about the things that they would do now. In a fit of boldness, Severus kissed him on the forehead. Lucius laughed very quietly and put his hands in Severus' hair. They fell asleep comfortably entangled in the bed clothes and each other's limbs. When Severus prepared to leave for Hogwarts in the morning, Lucius kissed him back, once on the forehead and once on the mouth. It made the younger wizard embarassingly weak at the knees, and for a moment he worried that he would splinch himself into a wall somewhere.
"Do come visit when you have a free weekend," Lucius said, an enigmatic smile on his face.
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The splinch concern was adorable.
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Beautifully written and well put together is the best way to describe my first thoughts after finishing it. All too often, the flow of some stories are hazardous, jumping from one thing to another, revealing the authors experience. But I really enjoyed reading this, so thank you for sharing it with us!
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