the pain of waking up

[threeplusfire]

Nightmares, nightmares. A horrible empty world, someone who pierced my lip and tugged on it til it bled. Woken up by the phone.

After getting rid of an unwelcome early caller, I called my mom. I've been excited for the whole week about seeing my grandparents on Monday. I miss them, I wish they still lived in Texas.

Last night I read this beautiful card about how my grandmother was looking forward to visiting. Today I learn they won't be coming. Seems my grandmother is sicker still, losing sensation in her feet and legs, and the doctor doesn't want her to travel. Lst she year was diagnosed with adult onset diabetes.

This morbid fear of mine- that since Grandpa died right when I started college, Granny won't live to see me start grad school. That no one will live to see me get married or grow up.

I'm crushed, and I'm scared. I have all these presents waiting for them. My two days off work are empty now. I just... I don't know.

God.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Oh gosh honey. where do they live? i'm so sad for you. i just found out my grandfather (who used to call me his little girlfriend :)) has alzheimer's :( it's so so upsetting.

could you perhaps visit them on your next vacation? what about thanksgiving?

Re:

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Oh no, how difficult for your family. You have my sympathies, and my prayers.

My grandparents live in Alabama. I'm hoping they can make it here for Thanskgiving or Christmas. If I can accrue some vacation time at work, I'm going to talk my mom into going out to see them with me.

Grandparents

[xiuzan.livejournal.com]

Where in Alabama? I know you've told me, but I can't remember. I keep thinking I want to visit my grandmother because she's starting to have health problems, too. I guess you probably read the dream I had about her a few weeks ago. She's the only grandparent I have left, so I should definitely try to see her sometime. It's been almost 2 years since the last time I saw her. She's in Birmingham now. Maybe we should take a roadtrip to go visit grandparents sometime.

Re: Grandparents

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Down south Alabama, near Daphne. Probably not too far from Birmingham. The road trip is a good idea.