Bastrop

[threeplusfire]

Bastrop, originally uploaded by colmmcsky.

Taken from the car by Mike as I drove about 65mph under cloudy skies.

I'm going to let you know right now, that if you say something to me about the circle of life or any other sappy bullshit about nature and death, that I will ban you from ever speaking to me again. I know perfectly well that fires occur in nature, that forest fires are part of the life cycle of the world, all those things. I know in theory, the country could grow back. (Though I suspect we're poisoning the planet in such ways that it might be impossible.) The point it, I know, I get it, I know you think you're sharing your depth of spiritual wisdom or acceptance or whatever - but fucking don't. Just don't. I am not in any frame of mind to hear that gracefully.

We drove through Bastrop today on the way home. The drive took so long because we drove through pouring rain, the first time I've seen something like that in more than six months. When we left town last week, we passed Bastrop in the dark. The shadows of the forest made me uneasy. But seeing it today was like a death. I cried as I drove those miles, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from just losing my grip entirely. It hurt, it hurt so much to see that devastation. All those trees, burned into black spires. The colors red and gold in some grotesque mockery of autumn were just the scars of the fire. This utterly beautiful place, just gone.

Driving through that little part of the world always felt joyous. Something about the curve of the road and those tall trees, at any slant of the light, gave me a feeling of fierce happiness. It was this point between things for me, a literal still point in the turning world. Losing it hurts, like someone I loved died.

Even if the forest grows back, it won't be in my lifetime. I won't ever get to accelerate downhill on Highway 71 with that joyous abandon, going from one moment to the next.

Comments

[alainn-sorcha.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about Bastrop. It breaks my heart to know such a major part of the state I love has been that damaged.

No, it won't regrow in our lifetimes. But I hope we live to see beginnings of something new and good.

[ladyofthelog.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[rachel2205.livejournal.com]

It's so hideous and sad. I'm sorry.

I'm really really glad you've had some proper rain!!

[halfacork.livejournal.com]

I remember driving through Julian not long after the fire there, feeling like it was some black alien landscape. It gave me a chill that lasted to San Diego and beyond, that even the SoCal sun couldn't warm.

I imagine...

[bjohnson.livejournal.com]

... it has quite a smell to it too. I'm sorry for your loss.

[degreeabsolute.livejournal.com]

There was a forest, part of the state park just down PA 390 from where I was living in high school, I'd go past it every day on the bus, not even considering what it meant for me as a part of the whole of my daily experience.

Then a freak tornado flattened it when I was a junior or senior. (correction - sophomore. Memory plays strange tricks.) The ride to school the next morning was utterly harrowing, and I've never been able to go past those acres without being utterly weirded out, walking over a grave of my own younger days.