run sugar

Running, I can clear my mind. Thoughts quieted and calm, concentrating on breathing, on fluid motion, on pushing my body forward into space. Lifting my knees, shifting my arms in the wind, high over the concrete ribbon road. My heart hammering, the music pounding in my ears, sparkling in the sunlight overhead. The sharp rasp of air in my lungs, hair held back from my face, my eyes up and searching for something...

Today was good for it, bright cold light all around. It's catharsis, and a bit of punishment as well. I need to do more of it, each day.

clouds

Still working on Hana's gift, stitching in the last of the background before I assemble it. I hope I can find her on campus before Christmas to give it to her. I have all these shiny ribbon bows for my gift wrapping, which I still need to do. The only gift I have actually wrapped I already gave away. He's saving it to open on Christmas. I hope he likes the book.

A package from P. came in the mail today, and I haven't opened it yet. I don't know how I will wait. We're going to open our presents together on the phone.

The wire in my bra snapped about an hour ago. It made the oddest cracking sound, and for a moment I was worried that something inside me was breaking. Then I realized I had a half inch of wire poking through the fabric and into my skin. How utterly vexing.

I'm listening to this song that I remember listening to a lot my freshman year of high school. I used to spin fantasies around certain songs, and I remember the one connected with "cloud on my tongue" involved a room high up on the shore of an ocean, a night sky, open windows and sliding doors. Like a little music video inside my head. I wanted to be in that room, thinking about someone I liked. Which at the time was a boy in my art class who I skipped class with, the one and only time I ever skipped a class. Somehow no one ever noticed.

I tend to visualize things along to whatever music I'm listening to. For awhile I wanted to be a video director. The combination of sound and visual images fascinates me. Every time I hear "Peace & Love Inc" from Information Society, I can visualize this whole incredible sequence. Ahh, if I had the money and the time to develop dreams sequences onto film.

Still working a little on my piece of fiction, though not as much since classes are over and my inspiration is no longer in front of me every single day. Well. It's okay. I will finish it or I won't. I got so wrapped up in it I almost forgot to write my last paper for my literature class.

Pale blue polish flaking off my fingertips. The burn on my arm is scarring I think, though it wasn't so bad. I accidentally brushed a hot pan. The scar itself is kind of lovely though. I've always had a certain attraction to them. Scars record survival. Sunday night we talked about scars while we drank wine and watched X-Files. It felt good to sit there, he makes me feel comfortable. We hugged goodbye, since he is going out of town for the holidays. I had forgotten what a pleasant thing it is to be hugged by someone.

We forgot to learn how to wish everyone a Merry Christmas in my Czech class! How did that happen?