Why is it so early?

Why am I up at 9am, when I was too tired to talk on the phone last night to you? I feel weird. Like I need some breakfast but I'm running out of those essential grocery bits. But after class I will use my free sandwich coupon my mother gave me. Right now I must practice associating perfective and imperfective verbs for Czech. I wish you were home, home here so I could crawl back into bed and feel warm. I don't want to go anywhere today.

grocery stores and rain

I like grocery shopping. Perhaps because my mother always took me along as a child. I'm not sure. Perhaps it was Patrick's constant enthusiasm for the random items found in HEB. On weekends, I do my mother's shopping for her. I feel good today cause I bought lots of good food and managed to avoid buying a lot of weird junk. Which happens. Sadly HEB is out of Jones Soda. Those are so delicious. So bought some regular Coke, and some milk. Lots of small sweet tomatos, romaine lettuce and some dressing. Bread and raspberry jam. Pasta. Frozen pizza. No candy. I forgot the sour gummi worms I like so much. I used my sandwich coupon, though the guys in the store seemed out of it. I'm not sure what was going on there. When I walked in the guy behind the counter started yelling me about the blue bandana I was using to tie my hair out my face. All I could think was "Damn do we have a gang problem in the suburbs of Austin now? Great." He refused to take my money or my order. It was strange. I dont' think about that kind of thing. I just tied my hair back cause of the wind, and that bandana happened to be the nearest to hand this morning.

This grey humid weather is making us all feel so lifeless. Tatyana and I kept slipping between Russian, Czech and English today while doing our dialogue practices. Ack. Several us of suffer from this malady. Comes from taking Russian or being a native Russian speaker. Tomorrow I need to go check in with the Study Abroad office about financial aid. Oh I need a wealthy patron I can bake bread for and regale with my witty intellect. I need a job soon. I'm watching too much Batman Beyond.

Tonight I have so much to do. Study for my astronomy exam tomorrow, read for government, read a couple chapters of my Hrabal book for Prague class, go to the Respect Life meeting and tie ribbons for the candy we're handing out this weekend. Sometime I must find you and talk to you, thank you for that card.

current incense: cherry

Damn you Ariel Sharon

It truly does frighten me that Sharon is Isreal's new Prime Minister. The sickening sinking sense of terror that must be in the hearts of so many people.

It was Sharon's visit to the Noble Sanctuary, a site sacred to Muslims, that provoked the newest violence. It was quite deliberate. Today's newest act of violence, deep in an ultra-orthodox neighborhood.

It amazes and horrifies me how many Israelites and Jews harbor a deep hatred for the Arabs. What is this? The Jewish people have been persecuted for generations, you think they would understand. Why is okay to hate the Arabs but not the Israelites? For God's sake, Israel was carved out of Arab territory. One would think someone might use some logic in this situation. Professor L. talks about the time he spent in Israel, and how it shocked him to hear his academic colleagues speak of the Palestinians as "filthy dogs" and "monsters." Educated people, speaking like this! Educated people acting on racial and religious prejudice. There is something absolutely horrible happening here.

I know, not everyone is like this. There are people in Israel and Palestine who genuinely want peace, and want to heal the divisions. But Ariel Sharon is not one of them. He is a war criminal and a man determined to fan the hatred. In case you care, I am rather pro-Palestinian. I don't condone all acts of terrorism, but I understand why it happens. I know there is hatred on both sides. It's a terrible thing. For awhile, I had great hope that the peace process was actually working. I wish I had Reagan's great sense of idealism, the idea that if I just sat down with these people one on one and talked to them, I could make them see.

God help us.

opportunity

Oh yeah. I just drove an extra couple miles coming home tonight. Why? Cause "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns N Roses came on. Since I obsessed over that band in my early teen years, and I still know all the words by heart, I decided to get on the highway, roll down my windows and sing out loud. It was grand. For once, I'm not scared about growing older. It was a moment so wrapped up in every part of who I am, my history, my life. Funny, to think that a radio and a song from a half-forgotten band could make me feel this way. people speak so often of how music changes their lives, a certain song or a certain band. Guns N Roses is an unlikely band for that sort of thing. Mock me if you will, but I think because I listened to that music at such a chaotic and formative period of my life that it has a greater meaning for me. If I didn't care at least some, if it didn't have some resonance, would I still remember all the words? I heard two Guns N Roses songs today, even though I don't spend a lot of time in the car. I want to drag out my cds now. Sometimes I miss that younger so much more naive and hurting me. She wasn't such a bad girl. I didn't give her enough credit.