books and more books

Yesterday Deb and I went on a quest for Pekarkova's Truckstop Rainbows. It's nominally out of print, and the Co-op hasn't gotten it for our Czech class. So we went from one Half-Price to another, stopping for donughts on the way.

At the store on Guadalupe, we found it! Hidden behind another book. We think a classmate must have found it and hidden it so they could return with the $3.50. Now it's ours. Hah. Deb is going to read it first.

I bought two other books, I just couldn't resist. The Road to Darkness by Paul Leppin, and Monsieur Venus by Rachilde. They had a big stack of Decadent stuff from Dedalus and erotica from Velvet. I wanted to buy many more. *sigh* I wish money for books would magically fall out of the sky. I need a patron to fund my book collection. If you buy me books, I'll talk intelligently about them, write papers, be witty and literate at cocktail parties, something like that.

I played with Napster for the first time yesterday. It was quite amusing. I found lots of DJ Adolf, Ivanushki International, random Russian rap music, all kinds of weirdness. When Geoff gets his machine working, he's going to make me a fun mix cd to put in my car. Lively driving music.

The sun is finally out. I think I will take a shower and go out somewhere. Maybe to St Austin's or to Metro. I think I want to walk around campus while it is empty. Maybe go to the library and get some books for free.

black grapes and John

I turned on the television and there is some special on the Ellebracht Ranch case. A professor at UT was involved in the investigation of that I believe, figuring out if the charred bone fragments were human. Gruesome case of torture and murder out in Kerrville County. Creepy.

Dyed my hair black again. I got tired of watching it grow out and be half brown. Since the wedding's been put off I don't have a lot of incentive to find my natural hair color anymore.

-earlier this evening
Bought black grapes and grapefruit juice for breakfast. I watched a guy walk hurriedly up and down the ice cream aisle in HEB, talking on his cell phone to a girl. His friend trailed smiling, carrying a bottle of wine. I asked what they were searching for, and led them to the stack of Pop-Ice. They looked so grateful.

Saw John Bryant's father in the parking lot. I was tempted to walk up and ask him how John is doing. But I balked, afraid to reopen a connection to those years. I was so in love with John during high school. He was tall and scary when I first met him. Blond hair, blue eyes, like a viking I always thought. So smart and so sarcastic and so fast. He was very private in some ways and would never let anyone touch him. Woe to anyone who tried. I looked up to him and the other guys in the newspaper. They put up with this younger girl hanging around, helped me learn so many things. They were like brothers to me. Let me hang out with them, took me to see the Cure that wonderful summer when I was sixteen. John drove me to school when I couldn't ride the bus anymore and I cherished those moments every day in the car with him. We listened to Tool and KMFDM at 8am, and talked. They tried to protect me when things began to go horribly wrong in high school.

When I was in the hospital they all came to see me. Sat in my room and watched the Simpsons and Seinfeld, the whole newspaper editorial board. One by one they hugged me goodnight. Then John hugged me. I was stunned. He never touched anyone, but here he was hugging me. When they left I started to cry. He made me realize how terribly I'd scared everyone.

I wonder what he does these days. Went off on a National Merit scholarship to college. I saw him once during the first year when he came home to visit. His hair was bright blue and so cool. College was making him happy. I haven't spoken to him in years. Sometimes I get secondhand information from a mutual friend, but it is never much. I don't think he ever knew how much I liked him. He'd been hurt by a girl he had a crush on, and he liked Beth but never said a word. I only ever touched him three times. Once I hit him with a newspaper, after some smart-ass remark he made. Next thing I knew, I was flat on my back and John was holding my forearms. Never did get him to show me how he did that. I squeezed his hand in a very impulsive gesture at the Cure concert. I miss him. He was one of the smartest most incredible people. The kind of person who thinks so fast and so completely.