(no subject)

Dreamed about dying, something that does not happen very often. Usually only at times when I'm broken by everyday living. I wasn't ready for it. Woke up clawing at the sheets, terrified.

I dreamed of a strange place, a place built of many places superimposed on each other. Typical of my dreams, I think. Some of the kids from the Prague trip were around, and I saw Hana. Driving down a street like Speedway, very slowly. There was an accident, though not a serious one. But I felt something wrong inside me, and the panic started. I have these dreams where I can feel myself dying, slowly, and nothing can stop it. Mike and Hana were trying to help me into a house to sit down, and I remember crying out that I couldn't close my eyes or I would die. These dreams are so vivid that I wake up with my heart pounding and my body shaking.

The sky is a weird overcast gold color, and just off enough to match my mood.

different dreams this time

Someone posted asking about dreams, and I started writing a long response about mine. So it goes here to keep track of it.
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Dreams. Dreams. Hmm. Where to start?

I'm about to take off into a dream actually. In 16 days, I'll board a plane that goes to Minneapolis, and then switch to another plane that will carry me over the Atlantic, touch down in Amsterdam and then on to Prague. I'm going to spend six weeks in Prague studying at Charles University, one of the oldest universities in the world. Signed up for an intensive second year course in Czech and a fun course on Czech theater and film. I'll also be taking side trips to Moravia and Southern Bohemia with some of my classmates. This will be the first time I'll actually live somewhere other than Texas, and my first time in the Czech Republic. I've dreamed about moving to Europe for so many years, and wanted to take this specific trip for the last two. To realize it is finally happening is completely overwhelming.

Another dream... Next May, I will finish my BA in Czech, with minors in Russian and English. To finish this seems so fantastic, especially for a person who never imagined she would make it this far. I will be the first of the grandchildren to graduate from college, a third generation college graduate for my mother's side of the family. Education has always been so important to my family. There was never a question about me going to college. Knowing that I have put myself through college, and that I'm going on to grad school soon... Words can not say it all.

One more dream... Perhaps the grandest dream of all. In my time at the university, I've been blessed with some of the most incredible professors in America. People who are so inspiring, so caring, so helpful and so much fun. People who have never talked down to me, people who have taken this foolish young girl very seriously. People who quite literally may have saved my life. I owe them something that can never be repaid. They are like family to me now. So to honor all they have given me, I will do what they have done. I will go to grad school, slave over articles and dissertations and papers and books. I will become a teacher, and I will teach my students the way they taught me. I will try to give some of this back, to share it.

(no subject)

Now that the first loaf of bread is done, I think I will go outside to the pool. The clouds have broken open on a pale azure sky. I need to be out in the air and water and sun.