Jul. 23rd, 2001

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Woke up this morning sore from yesterday's exercise. After this writing and reading is done, I'll go lay on the floor and stretch while I listen to the news. Considering how much we pay for rent, we might as well use that gym as much as possible.

Yikes. I'm on a mailing list for my horoscope, leftover from the days when I craved email and knew absolutely no one to email. I still like to read it though. I have hard time believing that God would get so bored as to be coordinating our lives with the bits and pieces of galaxies, but then again maybe He thinks it is a good joke.

Sometimes, it gives me something to ponder for the day, something I usually try to relate back to what I heard in Mass on Sunday or something I've been reading or my favorite saints, etc. Today it is just something that I suppose I ought to pay attention to.

Try to give yourself a break, Gemini. Even if you aren't accomplishing what you set out to do, you're giving your full effort, and that's what's important. When the Moon is in Virgo, you're much too quick to blame yourself for whatever goes wrong. You may feel like damaged goods, but someone else sees you as top of the line. Understand that nothing is permanent, especially the bad stuff. After tomorrow, this will probably all seem like a bad dream.

It makes me think of my good friends out there, all the ones I see and the ones I only see through the screen. All the ones that have ever taken the time to talk to me, everyone right down to my best friend in elementary school. Tracy K., if I knew where to find you, I'd call and we could go hang out on the swings for awhile. Even though they paved the old playground over, the other one is still there.

The medication is helping me sleep through the night I think. It's been so long since I went from one side to the other without breaking the surface so many times during the night. Maybe I've just been extra tired lately, but I feel like I've caught up on all the sleep I've missed from staying out. It would be nice if this worked. I remain wary still, but hopeful.

Karen and I watched The Enforcer, another Jet Li classic last night. I'm in the mood for Hong Kong action movies, maybe I'll rent some more. We also discussed renting all three Prophecy movies with Christopher Walken. It's definitely time for a bad movie party.
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Damn. I am so disappointed. All full-time AmeriCorps positions have been filled. I want those recommendations back then! I don't want to think about jobs right now. Tomorrow I'll start going through the paper again.

So I'm going to try not fret too much about that.

Ate lunch with Jim and Karen. I'm just out of luck with both of them, as Karen with complain about inauthentic Mexican food and Jim will complain about Americanized Chinese. *sigh* Oh well. I enjoyed my meal. So far this week I've been eating very well, and I should try to keep that up. Need to buy some more oranges.

Karen's loaned me some clothes to wear out this evening, since I'm going to have sushi at Mushashino's tonight. It's a Seventeen moment, with painted toenails and girlish laughter. I don't think I've ever worn an outfit quite like this, and I feel like I'm pretending to be on of those adults you see on the television. Hah. It's grand.

I couldn't do this every time, but it occured to me the last time I painted my toenails was probably at Veronica's house in 1994. Dark shiny green. I walked home from her house in my new sandals and cut my feet up enough to leave scars. We stayed up all night listening to the Smashing Pumpkins and White Zombie.

So I'm going to be happy for the rest of the afternoon, and tonight, and in the morning. I will be, simply because I don't want to be anything else right now.

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
-- Janis Joplin
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"One must learn to love oneself... with a wholesome and healthy love, so that one can bear to be with oneself and need not roam."
-- Nietzsche

"It is easy to live for others; everybody does. I call on you to live for yourselves."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance."
-- Oscar Wilde

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