aloe vera plant

This morning after Mass, I ran into Debra and found out that I'm getting a nice chunk of scholarship money in a few weeks. She had given me an application for a scholarship given out by a business association she works for in the spring. I'd almost forgotten that I had applied for it. The awards were decided Friday, and Debra was bursting with excitement when she told me. I couldn't thank her enough.

Perhaps the greatest thing about our church is the community. In happiness and sadness, it's amazing to see how the people pull together. There are so many people, and yet everyone is connected to someone.

Usually I'm so frustrated with people, that finding myself being so in love and so happy around so many of them is still an odd experience. I need to try harder to bring that out into my life. To be more forgiving and more loving to everyone.

My mom sent me home with half a cantaloupe, some mushrooms for salad, and a piece of an aloe vera plant. I spend a few hours a week with my mother. It makes me sad sometimes, to know that I won't ever see her on a daily basis again. It scares me too, because I'm starting to realize that my mother is mortal and older. She was three years older than I am now when she gave birth to me.

The divorce is taking so long. My mother hasn't pressed for anything, except provisions for insurance for my sister and I. I hope that my father will just let it all go, and not fight anymore.

Tired. Up too late last night hanging out with Bob, and up too early this morning. Karen and I cooked last night. Stir fry with beef, portabello mushroom, sugar snap peas, green bellpepper, red onion, cilantro and jalapeno. She concocted this incredible sauce that had us shouting and wanting to just drink the sauce from the pan. Delicious dinner.

(no subject)

Slept all afternoon and woke up to an empty house. Eerie in a way.

Dreamt of Jami and her boyfriend/Master from long ago. They lived in the building across the parking lot from my window, and the apartment was full of staircases and surprising spaces. Wooden floors in the hallway, the chocolate brown cat wandering, Jami's hair the same as the last time I saw her. I felt this intense longing to stay with them, so strong that I cried in their arms. Conscious of being in love with Jami, I wanted to stay as hers more than anything.

Not sure what it was all trying to say. Perhaps that I'm lonely or missing something I thought I once had.

talking on the phone

Drining Havana cola and eating strawberries. Sweet, yet not the flavor of Prague.

I miss Prague.

Talked for more than an hour with Kevin, the random sort of things. America, Texas history, Japanese history, school, plastic explosives, work, children. How Candace is becoming a chef at LSU. Ellen's parents and my roommates, living alone, Nathan and his education class full of girls. Forgot to tell him how much he would like the pool at my new place.

I miss Kevin.

Quiet here, still only me.

yearning

G R E E T I N G S Gemini

Too much of a good thing can be bad, Gemini. Your love for a person, thing or habit has its dark side, and it's about to show its ugly face. If you don't think that you're addicted, try doing without this thing for a small period of time. Absence from one place reminds you of your presence and participation in a very different world. It isn't too late to do something about it, but you might need help getting started. Call on a friend you trust.
_____________________________

Strange words.
Am I addicted?
Good question.
I'm glad I called Kevin earlier.
I still miss Prague.

I want to see the world I know again
I want to take a chance on life again
so let me go... -Dido "Hunter"