the body aches

Melynda's got a fancy new laptop, a sleek machine. I'm loving it, and it's tempting me to go out and spend every penny I have on one for myself. Nice.

Work was long. The day earlier was good. Yet I forget that I'm not really supposed to feel too good or the world will come back to kick me down again. It makes me sad that I don't ever hear if I'm doing things well at work. I just hear about it when I screw something up. So damn depressing, because I want to be happy about my work and do well at it. I just feel unwise in many ways. Spent hours straightening shelves to keep to myself and stay calm.

I've been seeing airplanes, and I wonder if they always looked so low in the air.

Keeping a paper journal with my most private thoughts, mostly dealing with September 11th and my own madness. It's too raw for the public probably.

If I hurt so much from this what is it like for those right in the middle?
Close to six thousand people dead.

Walking across the main mall, stained with candle wax like tears.