downtown

I hate my job. Yes I do. I'm staying out of some sense of loyalty. I don't know why.

Aside from that... I spent hours in Metro drinking coffee and playing cards, talking. sort of studying. All these things that students do.

So much thinking on many topics again. I like to drive now. Which would surprise some. But it's the power, the control. It's why I wanted to be a fighter pilot like my grandfather I suppose.

G R E E T I N G S Gemini
Make yourself someone else's Rock of Gibraltar. Let them know, in no
uncertain terms, that you are willing to take a stand, keep that
stand and wrestle with any wolves that might come to the door. Let
them know that not only do you have it all under control, whatever
they wish you can command. You need to make this person -- or these
people -- feel as good as possible. That is not only what they need
right now, but it is exactly what you need as well.

Who needs a rock? Hmm. I wonder. It's true enough.

more than words

Another equally grueling day. I've decided that I can not hold misguided loyalty to this job. To expect people to bust their ass while making a less than living wage requires a company with some vision, some ideals that people will want to work for. I don't see that here. Especially with this renovation. I vacillitate between fury and sadness most of the day.

It's rough on everyone, and I know everyone is feeling it. Yet, when I'm in the middle of an enormous buy, one coworker is on break, and the other is at the register, and my manager won't take the damn phone... that's fucking ridiculous.

They've taken my cooking display table away. I'm so saddened. It was the very best thing about the job, being able to arrange the books in graceful formation. This situation is needlessly complicated and wretched. I don't even want to write about it. I almost cried when I realized tonight that all the work I put into the other day had been pointless and unwelcome.

It sickens me thoroughly to know what a pleasant day I had until I arrived at work this afternoon. Classes were merry affairs, I had coffee and Double-Chocolate-Espresso-Zoom! cheesecake at Metro, talked with my friends and breathed freely.