(no subject)

I'm damn tired, and I'm trembling, and I just hurt. Someone made a comment to me that he probably won't even remember tomorrow, but I don't think I've felt this bad about it all since I was in Brno. Gods above, I just want to shower and sleep.

Other than that, the fried cheese party was grand, and the cheese was good. Tim is a really good guy, and I met a wild and wonderful French girl named Geraldine. Much good conversation to be had. I like nights like that.

cryptic journal entry number three

All I want is for my damn mp3s to play, and then I want to fall asleep.
Stop, just stop.
This should not be so hard.

(no subject)

Spent an hour talking on the phone with Shelly, who has been a friend of the family and myself since I was in fourth grade or so. I hadn't realized how long it had been til now. She's smart, and one of my favorite people because she has both the PhD and the experience to know what she's talking about.

She told me a story, and it made my eyes well up with tears because it was so good to know. About how when I was a kid, she and I would be reading the same books, because she often borrowed them from my mother. A lot of series fantasies and such things. Shelly told me how I would sit down with her, this unusual ten year old, and talk on and on about the plots, the characters. Once I had drawn a picture, of the druid wizard in the Shannara series, and she remembered it vividly. I don't know exactly why it should mean so much to me, to hear this today, but it does. Perhaps knowing that someone else, an adult recognized what I was and what I was learning back then.

We talked of many things. When it ended I felt much better, about the fiascos of the past six months. I wish that if I were to have a therapist, it would be someone like her.

I think I will go out and have another cigarette, and cry a little from the relief of talking about all these things, and clean the car.