(no subject)

Most of my day has been quiet.

I spoke with Tracy on the phone for an hour this afternoon, and I should see her tomorrow. It's been years, years. She was my best friend for a long time. We rode our bikes around, got in trouble, stayed up late at night, made up stories and ghosts. She sounded much the same, I had forgotten her way of speaking. It was good to hear her voice.

Had a lovely dinner at NXNW with Melynda and her mother. A nice black German ale, and a tasty burger with garlic french fries. Delightful. We came back to the apartment, and mostly passed the evening with the three of us wrapped up in the Jordan books. Gene started and finished the third today, much to Melynda's annoyance. Sam teased up about our reading circle race. I would be further along myself, but I kept stopping this week to read magazines. I adore magazines in and of themselves. The form pleases me, both in the design and the articles themselves.

I crave bagels. Or doughnuts. Something round.

confessions, absolutions

The dark of the confessional booth has some lure to us, even now, even to those who aren't Catholic. I suppose the idea that darkness would take your sins away, for a little while, is tempting. All of my confessions have been made face to face with priests, even the one in Prague where I opened the doors of my soul and told the priest things that should have had me on my knees for the rest of that month.

I've been watching this here and here. Though I still do not know what to make of it. Did I read any of that out of voyeurism, or compassion, or curiousity, or fear? I don't know. Should I encourage this? I don't know. The opportunity is there. I admit, I turned off the IP logging. Temptation waits, always.

From a letter, unfinished and unsent:
These parts of us, that we guard from each other... I know you're guarded with me, and I understand. Even though I open my mouth when I shouldn't sometimes, but that's because you make me feel safe in a way I never had before. Because something about you makes me want to trust you, regardless. I wish I could say why, I wish I could honor you with some word, but I don't know. You just are, as suddenly as lightning in the summer sky.

You could say anything to me, and I would not judge you by it. I hope you know that.