the safest thing to do

I'm listening to music from this summer, things like Pearl Jam's "State of Love & Trust" and this Ice Cube song from the Blade II soundtrack, and I feel this utterly visceral, powerful longing to be standing on that fragile balcony again, smoking harsh cigarettes by the box. Even with the miserable sense of loss, all the fucked up things, all the madness, Christ I wish I was there right now. Away from this, away, just away. Some days I want to crawl out of my skin for no reason, and here it is right now.

I want to take the car and drive, scream. I want to scream, period.
Pomoc. Prosim vas, pomoc

Turn up the Oakenfold and think about being somewhere else. That's all I can do right now. Listen to things that have no connection to your life. Build another one.

Welcome to Hell, Morpheus.
Thanks Lucifer. Can I have the key, maybe stay awhile?

read your horoscope every day cause it is like a fortune cookie

Dare to step outside of the boundaries today, if only for a minute.
In typical Gemini fashion, you dread confusion or disorganization,
but a little mix-up might actually be good for you right now. Maybe
the change of your dreams is already happening, or perhaps it might
take a little while longer to make it a reality. Whatever the case
may be, try to let the contexts blur together

Sometimes, I do not want to close my eyes.

In the dark watches of the night, I listen. This is when I like to have a cigarette, pacing through the grass and watching the helicopters fly by, thinking about the end of the world and the age of man. I think too much, too much to rest.

Sometimes I am too scared to close my eyes at night.

the last of the Ringbearers sails to the Grey Havens

I shouldn't be reading The Return of the King after being up all night, because it is making me cry.

Hell, I should not even be up so damn late.
Reasons why are scarce near dawn.

everything feels unreal

When I stayed up to greet the dawn, for a friend of mine far away in Italy, I was most peeved to find it cloudy and damp. So I went to sleep for a few hours, and lo! Behold the sun in it's bright glory. So I showered and sat myself naked on the porch for a few minutes, in cat-like pleasure.

I also received the most amusing text message this morning from another friend, this also across the ocean. I laughed out loud.