(no subject)

So my sister's seen the magistrate, and now she's trying to get someone to bail her ass out of jail. She's facing charges of trafficking in meth. I can not begin to describe how disgusted I am right now.

Car's taken away, and I had lunch with my father. My sister had the nerve to call him and say that I called the cops on her for no reason and she doesn't know why, I was just being a bitch. Fuck you. Lying, manipulative little brat.

So now I'm just hoping that no one will post bail for her, and none of her scumbag drug dealer friends will.

I wonder if I should worry about my own safety, or my mother's safety.

My throat aches, and I'm tired and worn. But I keep going.

count to ten

Start again start again start again start again start again

My head is in such a weird place right now. I just can't figure it out. I want to call people on all kinds of petty stuff, just because I feel militant and painfully awake.

I feel exceedingly cranky about really minor things, because I suppose I feel like I need to keep a tight lid on everything else. I called Melynda, and Nick was laughing hysterically in the background while I tried to let her know what was going on in regards to my sister. I'm glad I wasn't there, because I probably would have upended a whole glass of coffee on him and walked out. It's not really that funny, you know, that my sister is involved with drugs. Fuck you.

I mean, I did laugh a bit because it's so wrong and so horrible. But then, I was on the phone with Reive and skirting a hysterical reaction to my younger sister waving a knife around and getting in a chase with the police. That's different. Fucking Nick. He's so immature sometimes.

And I can't stop saying fuck you.

But I really do appreciate my livejournal right now, and it made my mom cry when I told her how many people had stopped to say a kind word. So that's a good thing.

Off to work I go. Let's hope I can function normally. I just want to get through it, and come home so I can deal with the (relatively now) madness of wizards. Because I can fix that, even if I can't fix the waking world.

hold your breath and count to ten
fall apart then start again
hold your breath and count to ten
start again start again
start again start again