(no subject)

Let me write first of the happy things.

Went out after work to Metro, and literally spent hours jumping from topic to topic with Brett. It's beautiful to be in Metro at that hour, as it is one of the perfect hours. He's fascinating, well read, and if I could have done so I would never have left the coffee shop. It really was nice, to talk to someone about so many things. Especially when you can relate to certain critical life experiences. I haven't had such a pleasant time with someone new in awhile.

Driving home was beautiful, smooth and quick with the sky lightening over my shoulder and the perfect round moon beside me. Gloriously, gloriously happy for so many reasons.

It's amazing how fast that can change.

My heart sank when I saw my sister's car in the driveway. My stomach knotted when I found the front door unlocked. I ran to check and make sure my mother was alive and alright, because I had horrible, horrible visions of Very Bad Things. But no, the inevitable has happened and she's falling for my sister's pity routine. She let her stay the night and I'm sure it won't be the only one. So I stayed awake and had her drop me back at the apartment. Under no circumstances am I staying anywhere near my sister. Absolutely not.

It's so depressing. I really thought this time she would stop. But I should have realized after the shit with the car, that it was a false hope. It has been made clear to me this morning, and there is no going back. I have to pull away as soon as possible.

(no subject)

And I forgot to mention at 7am this morning, that there is nothing cooler than knowing someone who will call you randomly and tell you there are elephants walking down the road, when there really are huge pachaderms trundling down the road. That was the greatest phone call ever. How often do you get to do something like that?

Be happy for the small things that make life worth living every day.

be not afraid

"I have seen war. I have seen war on land and sea. I have seen blood running from the wounded. I have seen the dead in the mud. I have seen cities destroyed. I have seen children starving. I have seen the agony of mothers and wives. I hate war." -Franklin Delano Roosevelt-

The reasons don't matter so much any more. Regardless of who is right and who is wrong, there will be a war soon. I can't stop thinking about people. Like the brothers we knew in high school, or the people I know who have sent loved ones out the door, and the demographic numbers published that show a large chunk of the Iraqi population is under 14 and there will be casualties there. And I just keep thinking, why is it that we live in a world where such a thing is necessary? What the hell is so wrong with people that they would willingly create situations that lead to so much pain and destruction? It's something I can't really fathom, and maybe that's just the little part of me that is even now so hopelessly idealistic.

I still remember being in fifth grade, and standing in the hall way that ran past the open living room, leaning against the back of that old arm chair and watching CNN as the first Gulf War started. I can remember thinking that no one would explain to me why we were doing this, why the bombs were flashing green and white on my television. I sort of feel like that today, just older and more cynical and sad.