(no subject)

It is a queer thing to be so restless.

I've had a headache all through Monday. Was woken up by the dryer slamming shut at roughly 8am, and existed in a half sleep state for some hours. Long day, stressful work, the discovery that perhaps I haven't accomplished as much as I should or that I would like. But hell, a 50% increase in production in the course of a shift ought to be worth something. But I should not write about work, it is boring if you don't know flood maps and quotas.

I need a new novel to read, or perhaps an old one. I don't know where my mind has gone. I need something to make it all a little more sane or something like that.

It's amazing to have no money. Thank heavens I get paid on Thursday.

snow

One of those nightmares. Walking in the gritty, sandy snow along the sidewalk, early morning sunlight, and there are white roses still blooming on the bushes and it seems so out of place. There's a war between heaven and hell, and so much death, but there I am, sitting on the edge of the stone wall trying to console him because he's just had a heart attack and it seems so stupid and mortal. Because I'm sure he thinks of himself as one of those fallen angels, beautiful and terrible, but here he is crying with his hands over his face, and the pair of cufflinks with tiny diamonds reflecting the light.

So we are sad and strange and lost this morning, because it is chilly and sunny. I feel like I should do something, anything, but the one thing I want to do more than anything else is put my arms around him.

All I've got is orange juice, and time.