so now you tell me

10/25/2003 GREETINGS Gemini
When someone asks you how you feel, take a minute before you respond.
Although the normal response from most people is usually 'fine,'
don't feel obligated to say it if you aren't feeling up to par.
Headaches, backaches or heartaches could be in the realm of physical
and mental ailments plaguing you today and there's nothing wrong with
letting someone else know that you're in pain. There might not be
anything that they can do to comfort you, but knowing you have a
shoulder to rest your head or cry on should help somewhat.

This has been the longest fucking day. I've spent it in varying stages of physical and mental pain, had a meltdown about the wedding, cried three times, done something awful to my shoulder so that I can't open doors in the office with my right hand, researched thirty seven certs, smoked six cigarettes and had three cups of coffee. All that on an empty stomach.

So no, I'm not really fine.

The wretched part is that there just isn't much to be done about any of it, unless someone is going to rewire my brain in the next hour or two. My mother has always gotten on my case about worrying too much, taking things too seriously, and that sort of thing. To be fair, I am frequently humorless, and a bit too much into controlling situations. But if I didn't worry, I'm not sure who would and I don't know that things would ever get done. So it can be said that I do it all to myself I suppose.

When I say right now, I mean right fucking now.

I'm tired. D&D tonight, and I don't really feel up to it, but I'm going anyway because I'm the reason we're playing Friday night this week. Guilt guilt guilt. All I really want to do is go somewhere and eat Mexican food and not do anything.

dreams, azkaban and wizards

"I get the feeling that if these books had been written about the previous generation it would have been NC-17," said Alan. I just looked up at him from the couch.

"For the violence of course," he added. "And Snape is a git."

That comment was hilarious enough on it's own but factor in a dream where I was summoned to a panel to discuss my abrupt departure from the fandom... aah. The things drinking will do to you.

I am in all honesty much better this morning. My shoulder hurts less, D&D was humorous and silly last night, and I slept a long time. Now I want to eat Mexican food.

vampires and armadillos

"Real armadillos aren't cuddly," I said as we approached Airport Road.

"How do you know, have you ever given one a chance?"

"Alan, they carry leprosy."

"In their handbags," he grinned. I just stared for the second time today.

I have armadillos to mail. Not real ones, because I'm sure that would violate some law. But cute plushy ones. I have packing tape as well, so with any luck on Monday I'll be mailing things to the north. In the meantime, we're drinking Moscow Mules, watching Sleeping Beauty and cleaning.

Our favorite liquor store sent us home with a nice dry white and a bottle of Tito's vodka. I stared for a long time at the new Castlevania game. I was good however and didn't buy it. I'm trying to get a cheap copy of Symphony of the Night off ebay now. Oh how I want to play Castlevania again.

reason number 2 why access television is strange

They are showing handheld street shots of Manhattan in the winter right now, dubbed over with a New York radio station playing Moby and Bjork. There's snow, neon signs, and people walking. Now it's cut to footage of people protesting the war, in face paint and carrying signs. Police and larger crowds every moment, city buses in the background.

A film by Anthony Rene, it seems.