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May. 14th, 2005 12:09 am"We are all so much more complicated than our names."
May. 14th, 2005
intolerance and community
May. 14th, 2005 03:00 pmThere are a lot of things that irritate me more than they should. Anyone who has known me for more than a week is probably well acquainted with my ranting about psuedo-hippies who really want to be yuppies with organic marijuana gardens.
While I frequently rant about groups or subcultures or what have you I have an unfortunate tendency to make generalizations. Which of course, offends people and causes upsets. I can't seem to ever strike a balance between specifics and generalities. If I'm too specific, it starts drama, and if it is too general I run the risk of offending people I know involved in whatever I'm ranting about.
Perhaps I don't say it enough, but I genuinely appreciate people in my life who have different views and are able to refrain from being self righteous, condescending or over eager to shove their point of view down the throats of others. There are certainly any number of areas in which I disagree with my friends. But I've never come to blows with Rachel about her vegetarianism and hippy ways, and we're even able to joke about it. It's perhaps more clear with close friends than in my online presence. AS someone pointed out to be recently, I tend to speak in absolutist terms. It's a character flaw.
The issue with poly culture has come up because not only I am a spectacular failure in that arena but a friend of mine is having difficulties related to that world. We had a discussion about it the other day, which prompted the thoughts about why I have never felt comfortable in any group setting or subculture. I don't want to provide many details and hence will speak in vague terms about her situation to protect her privacy.
I don't think it necessarily makes any sense to say that you can only love one person but neither do I think all people are capable of boundless love and multiple relationships. That's such an individual position. I am equally irritated at people who insist monogamy is the only way as well as those who insist that everyone is capable of boundless love and multiple relationships.
The reason I feel so irritable with the self righteous segment of poly culture is because of my friend's situation. She's not poly, but her partner is and she feels like there pressure for her to just come round, stop being so uptight and get over it. Which, in my opinion, is complete and utter crap. She's not less of a loving person because she doesn't want to share her partner or because she feels like there is only one person she loves. It's something to be worked out in the privacy of their lives.
I'm iritated by the attitude that if you're not super liberal, poly, whatever then you must somehow be denying yourself or reactionary. It's an attitude I see a lot of, given that I live in a damned hippie metropolis. Personally, I think it is just an unpleasant as the attitude of staunch conservatives who insist that if you are liberal, poly, whatever, then you are going to hell. More than anything else it is the intolerance. I've been more and more suprised by it in liberal communities and I find it disheartening. It reminds me of when I converted to Catholicism and a professor I didn't even know told me that I was betraying myself and my gender for signing up for such a patriarchal repressive religion.
To be fair, I'm not always the most tolerant or easy going person either.
While I frequently rant about groups or subcultures or what have you I have an unfortunate tendency to make generalizations. Which of course, offends people and causes upsets. I can't seem to ever strike a balance between specifics and generalities. If I'm too specific, it starts drama, and if it is too general I run the risk of offending people I know involved in whatever I'm ranting about.
Perhaps I don't say it enough, but I genuinely appreciate people in my life who have different views and are able to refrain from being self righteous, condescending or over eager to shove their point of view down the throats of others. There are certainly any number of areas in which I disagree with my friends. But I've never come to blows with Rachel about her vegetarianism and hippy ways, and we're even able to joke about it. It's perhaps more clear with close friends than in my online presence. AS someone pointed out to be recently, I tend to speak in absolutist terms. It's a character flaw.
The issue with poly culture has come up because not only I am a spectacular failure in that arena but a friend of mine is having difficulties related to that world. We had a discussion about it the other day, which prompted the thoughts about why I have never felt comfortable in any group setting or subculture. I don't want to provide many details and hence will speak in vague terms about her situation to protect her privacy.
I don't think it necessarily makes any sense to say that you can only love one person but neither do I think all people are capable of boundless love and multiple relationships. That's such an individual position. I am equally irritated at people who insist monogamy is the only way as well as those who insist that everyone is capable of boundless love and multiple relationships.
The reason I feel so irritable with the self righteous segment of poly culture is because of my friend's situation. She's not poly, but her partner is and she feels like there pressure for her to just come round, stop being so uptight and get over it. Which, in my opinion, is complete and utter crap. She's not less of a loving person because she doesn't want to share her partner or because she feels like there is only one person she loves. It's something to be worked out in the privacy of their lives.
I'm iritated by the attitude that if you're not super liberal, poly, whatever then you must somehow be denying yourself or reactionary. It's an attitude I see a lot of, given that I live in a damned hippie metropolis. Personally, I think it is just an unpleasant as the attitude of staunch conservatives who insist that if you are liberal, poly, whatever, then you are going to hell. More than anything else it is the intolerance. I've been more and more suprised by it in liberal communities and I find it disheartening. It reminds me of when I converted to Catholicism and a professor I didn't even know told me that I was betraying myself and my gender for signing up for such a patriarchal repressive religion.
To be fair, I'm not always the most tolerant or easy going person either.