(no subject)

How sad is it that I read through that darn Valentine LJ community? Oh the things we do. Sad, sad, sad. All I want for Valentines is candy. Bring on the candy.

Ok but I still have it bad for Detective Munch. He was on Arrested Development tonight and I just about died. Hah.

anybody seen my baby

I'm tired, that's a fact. But I'm reluctant to just give in and go to bed. I have the urge to get in the car and drive somewhere, despite the frigid weather and my less than entirely awake status. I just want to stay up all night smoking and drinking coffee. Or maybe drinking bourbon. Instead I'm watching reruns of House and Law & Order while I blow my weekly allowance on iTunes for the most random songs. It must be the cold front, making me crazy. Really I could get up right and drive all night. Especially if I had all the music I wanted.

I could probably calm down and go to sleep if I turned the damn headphones down. Right. And it's not like Fischerspooner is soothing bedtime music! Nor is Marilyn Manson and the Sneaker Pimps. (Shut up, shut up, I love that cover of "Down in the Park" that Marilyn Manson did. I don't want to hear it.)

Seriously, I listen to that Blue October song, "Hate Me" and all I think about is Alan. There's never going to be any resolution to that, is there? I'm always going to have to wonder about it, and never have that answer. He's never going to thank me for saving his damned life, and I'll live the rest of my life knowing that the one time I was really sure that it was fucked. It makes me scared to ever touch another human being again at times, even when I'm so goddamned lonely.

I'm not sure I meant to vocalize that sentiment.

So to get away from that we'll put on Afghan Whigs, and just be angry instead. It's so much easier to be a bastard.

I keep thinking it would be nice to go out to eat and read my book. I'm paralyzed by indecision though. Should I go to Zen, for a healthy bowl of something? Should I go for Chinese? Should I go to Luby's? Should I just get a hamburger and eat at home? Why is this such a difficult decision? I never leave the house in the end because I can't make up my mind.

Every now and then I listen to the Rolling Stones and fall in love with them all over again. Has anyone ever really listened to Bridges to Babylon? It's a good album. You see Mick Jagger in magazines and it is easy to dismiss him. But it's that voice that gets me, and the insidious slinking sound of genuine rock and roll. It makes me happy.

When I was younger, the only reason I wanted to get my license was so I could go buy gummi bears in the middle of the night. I don't think I've ever actually done that.