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fight the silence
Jul. 24th, 2009 08:33 amhttp://www.diverseandresilient.org/adult/articles.asp?aid=1
Way too often I hear either “I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say” or “what do you think I should have done?” I don’t expect allies to do this stuff perfectly, but I do think it would be really wise to be aware that their opportunities to speak up will present themselves and they should plan accordingly. For example, what will an ally plan to do when her grandmother makes a homophobic slur at a family gathering where there are no apparent or disclosed gay people? How will the ally respond at a community forum where misinformation about LGBT people is said publicly by someone else, perhaps by one of his own friends? Planning ahead for these situations allows allies to be more effective and requires that they too get out of denial about how wide-spread anti-gay oppression is.
EXACTLY.
I have been in many a situation where I've been floored by some comment of tremendously racist/homophobic/classist from a person I know. But I refuse to just let that slip by any more. Even when it comes to close relationships like family and friends. I want to make a point of saying that discrimination and slurs are never acceptable. This doesn't mean I'm going to have a Tekken moment and perform a triple combo knockout. (As much as I might wish to at times.) It means saying things like "That is profoundly cruel" or "Actually, that is not true" or "Have you considered the situation from another point of view?" It means confronting the other person and asking them re-examine what they just said in a calm and clear way.
How can I do this so calmly, so quickly? Because I think about it. Because I've seen it happen and I know it happens and I have PREPARED myself for the time it happens to me. Because it will happen.
Maybe you need a quick and easy way to fall back while you gather yourself. Ask that person if they still agree with those statements if you replace the word gay with black, Jew, Catholic, disabled people, Asians, women. See if it still sounds so innocuous to them.
http://rm.livejournal.com/1674273.html
- If you see something, say something. That is, when you see people indulging in behavior that is homophobic, that uses slurs, that is dehumanizing -- whether it's telling a gay joke, using an icon that supports gay marriage only for the hotties, claiming to support gay civil rights in one breath while being racist in the next, etc. -- CALL THEM ON THEIR SHIT. You don't need to get angry, you just need to mention what you've been offended by and why.
Every time we let someone get away with this sort of thing, we only make it harder. Don't be silent.
Way too often I hear either “I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say” or “what do you think I should have done?” I don’t expect allies to do this stuff perfectly, but I do think it would be really wise to be aware that their opportunities to speak up will present themselves and they should plan accordingly. For example, what will an ally plan to do when her grandmother makes a homophobic slur at a family gathering where there are no apparent or disclosed gay people? How will the ally respond at a community forum where misinformation about LGBT people is said publicly by someone else, perhaps by one of his own friends? Planning ahead for these situations allows allies to be more effective and requires that they too get out of denial about how wide-spread anti-gay oppression is.
EXACTLY.
I have been in many a situation where I've been floored by some comment of tremendously racist/homophobic/classist from a person I know. But I refuse to just let that slip by any more. Even when it comes to close relationships like family and friends. I want to make a point of saying that discrimination and slurs are never acceptable. This doesn't mean I'm going to have a Tekken moment and perform a triple combo knockout. (As much as I might wish to at times.) It means saying things like "That is profoundly cruel" or "Actually, that is not true" or "Have you considered the situation from another point of view?" It means confronting the other person and asking them re-examine what they just said in a calm and clear way.
How can I do this so calmly, so quickly? Because I think about it. Because I've seen it happen and I know it happens and I have PREPARED myself for the time it happens to me. Because it will happen.
Maybe you need a quick and easy way to fall back while you gather yourself. Ask that person if they still agree with those statements if you replace the word gay with black, Jew, Catholic, disabled people, Asians, women. See if it still sounds so innocuous to them.
http://rm.livejournal.com/1674273.html
- If you see something, say something. That is, when you see people indulging in behavior that is homophobic, that uses slurs, that is dehumanizing -- whether it's telling a gay joke, using an icon that supports gay marriage only for the hotties, claiming to support gay civil rights in one breath while being racist in the next, etc. -- CALL THEM ON THEIR SHIT. You don't need to get angry, you just need to mention what you've been offended by and why.
Every time we let someone get away with this sort of thing, we only make it harder. Don't be silent.