So much to say

The past few months have gone so fast. Tomorrow I will be thirty two and that seems as good of an age to start of as I can think. The other day I said to Mike that if I was prickly, it was because I'm learning to wear my rage instead of burying it and pretending that part of me doesn't exist. They are my feelings and I shouldn't lie about them. But rage is just a small, old part - a thing I don't think I'll ever actually lose entirely. It's just a part of what I am.

Also, I am a person with a number of scars. Yesterday the surgeon said mine were healing perfectly. I am clear to go back to light cardio and in a month more I can take up fight club or whatever I want. Exciting. I can feel my range of motion increasing every day and now the only odd twinges are my skin trying to settle the scars in place. It's a really big scar, from under my arms and all the way across my chest. It makes me happy. I feel like I've earned that big physical reminder of how far I've come.

So on Thursday, I stopped by the courthouse on the way out of town. I needed a copy of my divorce decree for the paperwork to get a new passport. By some stroke of luck, I found a parking spot that didn't even require parallel parking right out front. Then inside there was no line in the clerk's office. I chatted a little with the state worker, who pulled the document up and printed it out. Flipping through, he laughed and pointed out there was a random docket paper in my record that they should have given me instead of sticking in my file. Then he just handed it to me. When I tried to pay, he waved me off with a smile. I don't know why, if it was the paperwork mistake or just a random act of kindness. Thanks you, anonymous worker.

After that amazing fifteen minute errand, we drove off to San Antonio. Traffic was light the whole way and we found our hotel with ease. I would say the east side of San Antonio seems a little dodgy, but the the Holiday Inn Express was nice as always. We walked down the street past an abandoned factory and lots of urban decay next to brand new sidewalks for super tasty burgers on big sturdy buns. Mine was full of mushrooms and onions. Between dinner and the show, I dozed on the sofa. Mike gave me a summer cold, damn it. So I drugged myself up on a double dose of medicine so I could breathe at the show.

Then there was Rammstein. Oh Rammstein. You glorious, mad Germans. They entered carrying their flag and the Texas flag, which immediately endears them to the crowd. I love the ritual, the way they make their precise choreography look so easy when they are positioning themselves to deal with the massive amounts of fire coming off the stage. Even at a distance, you could feel the heat searing your face. Watching Till stand in that showering halo of sparks was something else. I don't know how they don't catch on fire doing this.

I heard all my favorites, like Ich Will and Links and Haifisch. The crowd roared along, German words many of them probably don't even understand. We screamed and raised our fists and danced with abandon. I have bruises from pounding my fist against my thigh and my neck still hurts. I actually danced so much I rubbed off some new healing skin as I discovered in the shower later. Still. Utterly, gloriously worth every bit of pain. The sound in the stadium was so loud, I could feel it in the back of my throat, vibrating through my chest and filling up the air. It was everything I love about live music - loud and powerful and emotional and all encompassing. Everything else disappears for those hours.

Yesterday we had such a future perfect lunch at this tiny cafe near the surgeon's office. I ate my omelette with spinach and bacon while texting my friend in England and Mike followed the coverage of Dragon hooking up with the International Space Station. At the appointment, they took new pictures, admired my hair and told me everything looked good. Then it was off for the drive home, the highway thick with holiday weekend traffic. It felt sooo damn good to be home after that drive. My voice was cracking and felt shot to hell. I faffed about on the internet for a couple hours until we ate a late dinner with friends at Kerby Lane. (Oh their spinach and strawberry salad is super good.) Then I came home and passed right out.

Many strange dreams later, I woke up. I didn't sleep too well at the hotel, so I think I got about two days worth of sleep at once. Now its time for laundry and whatever adventures Saturday brings. I want my netflix!

Sometime soon, I want to get my ears pierced again. I'm also going to book a day at a fancy spa and get my legs waxed. I know that sounds random and nuts, but I'm really looking forward to it.