tired of the season

I feel bad for the people in town for SXSW, hoping to escape the gloom of winter. I feel even worse for the food trucks and venues and all the local economy so hungry for the tourist dollars while the weather is terrible. Everyone just seems worn down. Everyone is frayed around the edges. I can feel that whatever it is that looms over my neurons is not normal, that this depression and anxiety is exacerbated by the weather and general weirdness of the world.

My dreams continue. My hip feels better. I can almost sleep on it. I avoid the leg press and hip abductor machines. It only throbs dully if I spend an hour running or walking or gliding along with a machine. Every time it is a little bit more.

Mostly I just wish this near constant anxiety would tamp down.

The creamsicle cat is a long haired orange and white cat who wanders the neighborhood. I'm unsure whether the cat is a stray. Right now creamsicle cat is sitting on the porch and Pumpkin is sitting inside. They try to paw at each other through the door. It makes me so sad.

A friend of mine just got a cancer diagnosis. It is very early and in terms of treatment/survival it is probably a really good thing. It is still scary and terrible. I would just really like a year or two where no one I know gets cancer or dies. That hasn't happened in a long time.

I felt really good for about twenty minutes after the gym. But now I feel sad again.

Deleted everything I'd written in the past few months. Maybe starting over will help.