but if you lift your eyes I am your brother - this is all we need

DAY TWENTY-FIVE: a letter to someone you judged by their first impression

Dear James,

Do you remember when we met, in band class in middle school? Do you remember the time I chased you outside, threatening to punch you? Why were we so fucking weird and dumb when we were thirteen? I thought you were so annoying that first time.

Gods above, you were the best friend. I miss you often. I regret so much losing touch. I'm sorry I was a shitty friend who disappeared. I wish you were here now. I hate that you're dead. I hate the person who killed you. I know I probably shouldn't carry that around in my heart but I do. I think you'd understand. We used to talk, when things were fucked up with me and when things were fucked up with your dad. I felt safe with you, because you were my brother. I'd give anything to have a day where we were fifteen, sixteen again - the heat of summer, the freedom, the reckless stupid goofy joy we had doing dumb kid stuff and listening to music too loud in Liberty Lunch, jumping up and down in our Docs all sweaty and awkward, eating breakfast tacos and drinking so much soda, riding in the back of the truck and singing.

You were the best. I miss you so much friend. Sometimes I sing to you when I visit the cemetery and I hope you can hear me.

all my love,
Anton

( For all the other days )