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the world is wide
Jun. 27th, 2015 11:15 amYesterday I slept through my alarm, and ended up late to work for the first time ever. It was stressful and awful, and I felt so down on myself. My boss was very forgiving. But I still just wanted to scream a little. I worked too hard because it was only us, and my back ached like fire by the end of the shift. (Which started in the predawn darkness.)
I walked out of work, and there were messages from Orjan on my phone as well as the twitter notification "friends are tweeting about #Lovewins." So that's how I found out. Standing on the sidewalk outside work, shaking, hoping I wouldn't drop my phone.
When I found out about my grandmother (and how my family was a bunch of assholes who didn't even tell me), I didn't cry. But I spent most of yesterday crying off and on. Like full on sobbing, like I haven't done since my father died.
I can legally transition without losing the rights and privileges of my marriage, like my health care. I can legally transition without making my husband's life any more difficult than it already is, being married to me.
So much of what's happened in the past twenty years of my life has felt like a steady disillusionment with the idea that goodness wins, or that we could be on the right side of history, or that change was really possible. The first presidential election I voted in saw Bush come into office, and I voted against the ban on gay marriage in Texas. I have voted against Rick Perry and Greg Abbott every election of my life, and still here we are.
But this. This feels like the sort of thing I used to believe was possible and haven't for a very long time.
And yes nothing's perfect and yes this is only one thing and yes I can still be fired from my job for being queer and yes this country is still a hotbed of racism and homophobia and terrible things and yes I'm a white person of significant socioeconomic privilege in my current life-
But gods above, I watched a woman climb a flag pole this morning and rip down a Confederate flag. I saw the police arrest someone last night and a dozen people immediately pulled out cell phones to record the scene just in case. Friends of mine got married yesterday. I'm so scared to believe it, but I think the world might be changing.
I walked out of work, and there were messages from Orjan on my phone as well as the twitter notification "friends are tweeting about #Lovewins." So that's how I found out. Standing on the sidewalk outside work, shaking, hoping I wouldn't drop my phone.
When I found out about my grandmother (and how my family was a bunch of assholes who didn't even tell me), I didn't cry. But I spent most of yesterday crying off and on. Like full on sobbing, like I haven't done since my father died.
I can legally transition without losing the rights and privileges of my marriage, like my health care. I can legally transition without making my husband's life any more difficult than it already is, being married to me.
So much of what's happened in the past twenty years of my life has felt like a steady disillusionment with the idea that goodness wins, or that we could be on the right side of history, or that change was really possible. The first presidential election I voted in saw Bush come into office, and I voted against the ban on gay marriage in Texas. I have voted against Rick Perry and Greg Abbott every election of my life, and still here we are.
But this. This feels like the sort of thing I used to believe was possible and haven't for a very long time.
And yes nothing's perfect and yes this is only one thing and yes I can still be fired from my job for being queer and yes this country is still a hotbed of racism and homophobia and terrible things and yes I'm a white person of significant socioeconomic privilege in my current life-
But gods above, I watched a woman climb a flag pole this morning and rip down a Confederate flag. I saw the police arrest someone last night and a dozen people immediately pulled out cell phones to record the scene just in case. Friends of mine got married yesterday. I'm so scared to believe it, but I think the world might be changing.