wander

I have done a thing I would not have ever imagined doing before. I jogged outside, in the daylight, in August. Granted it was early morning hours and half clouded for the first twenty minutes or so. But still. August! What madness. I thought I would make one of those attempts to appreciate nature a little more.

Nature is fine so long as I don't touch anything. Trees seem okay. Everything else is suspect.

My feet are very sore now, from winding around jogging trails and through the park. I discovered a dog park, hidden from view. There are odd places where I didn't quite know where I was, and so my decision to be out for thirty minutes turned into an hour as I tried to jog my way home.

I feel like I'm halfway through the grim slog that is this period of the year. My anxiety about mortality continues to rage unabated. Half my days feel like low level terror. You know it is bad when you have to stop jerking off because a stray thought about age and death ruins everything.