starry night girl dancing in the kitchen
Mar. 22nd, 2003 06:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threeplusfireRight now I've got an entire bottle of hair dye on my head, and it seems like a strange waster because I'm probably going to cut a third of that hair off in the next few days. But this is something that never fails to lift my mood and my mind, so I'll do it anyway, listening to the new Evanesence cd and drinking cherry coke. I'm going out tonight, and I might as well act like I own everything. Lucius' arrogance and my own mixed together becomes something terrifying.
I feel like I've been falling forever and I'm just now learning to dive. And there are moments when I never ever want to crash, just hang onto the beauty of these moments forever or as long as I can. I hit the curve of the highway the other day just as Brian Molko started screaming about gravity and I started to laugh because it was perfect. Just the right words for a moment I couldn't even describe.
It's hard to quantify the change I feel in myself. It's here. I couldn't express it without the car, without these gestures and the way I move, the way I speak. Because I never used to be anything half so bright on the outside.
Gene's in California by now, and Melynda's on the road downtown, and I need to shower all this starry down down my skin and the porcelain. I feel like myself. I feel happy. And I realize I've never wanted anything more than this moment. It's so damned amazing to spend years hating yourself and then come to the end where you either have to die or move on and find something new to do with yourself. I really did believe I would die of it. And yet here I am, with a life so rich in friends and moments. How did it come to this?
I feel like I've been falling forever and I'm just now learning to dive. And there are moments when I never ever want to crash, just hang onto the beauty of these moments forever or as long as I can. I hit the curve of the highway the other day just as Brian Molko started screaming about gravity and I started to laugh because it was perfect. Just the right words for a moment I couldn't even describe.
It's hard to quantify the change I feel in myself. It's here. I couldn't express it without the car, without these gestures and the way I move, the way I speak. Because I never used to be anything half so bright on the outside.
Gene's in California by now, and Melynda's on the road downtown, and I need to shower all this starry down down my skin and the porcelain. I feel like myself. I feel happy. And I realize I've never wanted anything more than this moment. It's so damned amazing to spend years hating yourself and then come to the end where you either have to die or move on and find something new to do with yourself. I really did believe I would die of it. And yet here I am, with a life so rich in friends and moments. How did it come to this?
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Date: 2003-03-22 05:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-03-22 11:53 pm (UTC)~Melynda
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Date: 2003-03-23 07:30 am (UTC)Oh, and tax money is here. I've got to get some things in order, but it looks like we're good to go in the next couple of weeks. I'll call you after Tuesday.
Re:
Date: 2003-03-23 02:01 pm (UTC)Woo! I need two more paychecks, one of which comes tonight, and then I think I'll be good.