I am tired. Don't let me go.
Mar. 3rd, 2001 11:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threeplusfireMy mother and my fiance have a habit of telling me not to worry. What they don't realize is that the entire world might fall apart if I didn't worry. My world anyways.
This day is like swinging between the edges of the feelings. So angry and hurt, so carefree and happy. Which one am I going to be? Sure ambiguity can be nice, but I want definition and I want answers and I want some stability....
Bought fancy chocolates and rice candy in the store with Geoff and Deb. We celebrated how everyone we know is unemployed, thanks to the collapsing tech companies. Stupid fools. I wonder if all management is this bad, how anything gets done in a place where you only fire the good people. Half the time I laugh, saying I want my next job to be at a 24 hour donught place where I keep an eye out for the malformed ones. The rest of the time it is just depressing to know you're all fighting for the same small space in the job market.
Stop stop stop. I want the panic to stop, I want the headaches to stop, I want the inane gestures to stop. There is some idiot on the Bloodlove board causing trouble, and I just want to shake her. You stupid little girl, what do you think you are doing here? Damn it.
Driving home was fun. Cresting the rise of 183 past 360, I saw a river of fog rolling slowly. Down into at 65mph, coasting and shifting gears. Thick water vapor, so that I cold not see one street light past the next. Slightly creepy, as if driving in a void, through a wall. Then, dropping out on the other side three miles down the highway, into damp clear air. Strange.
My apartment smells like warm wheat bread. I just want to fall into bed. Sleep. Radio voice says to me: when I grow up I'll be stable...when I grow up I'll turn the tables...when I grow up I'll be stable...when I grow up I'll turn the tables... I miss you. I do. God just help me stop this.
This day is like swinging between the edges of the feelings. So angry and hurt, so carefree and happy. Which one am I going to be? Sure ambiguity can be nice, but I want definition and I want answers and I want some stability....
Bought fancy chocolates and rice candy in the store with Geoff and Deb. We celebrated how everyone we know is unemployed, thanks to the collapsing tech companies. Stupid fools. I wonder if all management is this bad, how anything gets done in a place where you only fire the good people. Half the time I laugh, saying I want my next job to be at a 24 hour donught place where I keep an eye out for the malformed ones. The rest of the time it is just depressing to know you're all fighting for the same small space in the job market.
Stop stop stop. I want the panic to stop, I want the headaches to stop, I want the inane gestures to stop. There is some idiot on the Bloodlove board causing trouble, and I just want to shake her. You stupid little girl, what do you think you are doing here? Damn it.
Driving home was fun. Cresting the rise of 183 past 360, I saw a river of fog rolling slowly. Down into at 65mph, coasting and shifting gears. Thick water vapor, so that I cold not see one street light past the next. Slightly creepy, as if driving in a void, through a wall. Then, dropping out on the other side three miles down the highway, into damp clear air. Strange.
My apartment smells like warm wheat bread. I just want to fall into bed. Sleep. Radio voice says to me: when I grow up I'll be stable...when I grow up I'll turn the tables...when I grow up I'll be stable...when I grow up I'll turn the tables... I miss you. I do. God just help me stop this.