three (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
threeplusfire) wrote2006-01-13 11:10 pm
threeplusfire) wrote2006-01-13 11:10 pm
like a memory in motion you were only passing through
I've spent the night with the stereo turned up loud on Concrete Blonde & Garbage, cleaning my bedroom. It was time to finally put away all those blankets and old clothes I don't wear anymore. In the process I found several cds, including the one I'm listening to now and my Lubos Malina cd I thought lost. I hung up my print of Madame X by Sargent, and it makes my room feel more like my own. finally hung up my calendars too. I took the one from my mother and put it at my desk at work, and the one from Melynda is at home.
Nine years since that other January 13th. That's a wild thought to have, nine whole years since that moment. I think about it less than I used to, and it's easier to talk about. Sometimes I still get worked up describing what happened that year, and I choke. For the most part though, I can talk about without breaking down. It seems less painful too, and that's interesting. Maybe I'm just getting old and jaded. It's alright though. Certainly I'm glad that I can look back on those years and feel the distance between who I am now and who I was then. Gods above, I was a horrid teenage girl in a lot of ways. It's okay though. I keep telling myself it's probably okay to be somewhat mortified by your sixteen year old self, and the crazy stupid scary things you did once upon a time.
Nine years since that other January 13th. That's a wild thought to have, nine whole years since that moment. I think about it less than I used to, and it's easier to talk about. Sometimes I still get worked up describing what happened that year, and I choke. For the most part though, I can talk about without breaking down. It seems less painful too, and that's interesting. Maybe I'm just getting old and jaded. It's alright though. Certainly I'm glad that I can look back on those years and feel the distance between who I am now and who I was then. Gods above, I was a horrid teenage girl in a lot of ways. It's okay though. I keep telling myself it's probably okay to be somewhat mortified by your sixteen year old self, and the crazy stupid scary things you did once upon a time.
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No, you weren't. You were a good kid who had to deal with a lot of bad situations no kid your age should have to. Please don't be so hard on yourself. And just keep looking to your future.
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I'm a lot less focused on the misery these days, and it is a good thing.
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Good times, good times. :-p
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