three (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
threeplusfire) wrote2006-08-30 07:37 pm
threeplusfire) wrote2006-08-30 07:37 pm
rules of the grocery store
These are the rules I just made up, and I'm backing them up with this gun from the National Rifle Association!
- Who the hell writes a check at the grocery store these days? The twentieth century is calling and they have this thing called a check card...
- Who the hell writes a check at the grocery store these days that is going to bounce? I suppose people don't realize that the checks get scanned, and the computers talk to your bank. Standing there arguing with the checker and then a manager only makes you look like an idiot.
- Pushing your cart in front of a moving person and stopping makes you look like an idiot. Especially if there is no reason for this action.
- Having a screaming argument with your eight year old in the checkout line about whether she can look like whatever ninny singer is on the cover of Seventeen generally makes you look like an idiot.
- Standing in the frozen food aisle shouting Fuck in your deepest, manliest voice will not attract women and in fact makes you look like an idiot.
- Driving on the wrong side of the lanes in the parking lot makes you look like an idiot.
In other news, Wednesday is apparently a really bad day to go grocery shopping.
- Who the hell writes a check at the grocery store these days? The twentieth century is calling and they have this thing called a check card...
- Who the hell writes a check at the grocery store these days that is going to bounce? I suppose people don't realize that the checks get scanned, and the computers talk to your bank. Standing there arguing with the checker and then a manager only makes you look like an idiot.
- Pushing your cart in front of a moving person and stopping makes you look like an idiot. Especially if there is no reason for this action.
- Having a screaming argument with your eight year old in the checkout line about whether she can look like whatever ninny singer is on the cover of Seventeen generally makes you look like an idiot.
- Standing in the frozen food aisle shouting Fuck in your deepest, manliest voice will not attract women and in fact makes you look like an idiot.
- Driving on the wrong side of the lanes in the parking lot makes you look like an idiot.
In other news, Wednesday is apparently a really bad day to go grocery shopping.
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....er, I write checks....
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how do you know he was trying to attract women? maybe he was trying to attract some frozen food--i've heard they like idiots screaming FUCK. (especially the Frozen Peas, for some unknown reason!)
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Grocery stores fucking scare the shit out of me, mostly for the state of the gene pool. Judging by informal surveillance of grocery stores, idiots reproduce at alarmingly high rates in comparison with civil people. On the other hand, most of the non-breeders scare me, too.
Those grocery store outings also make me want to call my mother and thank her profusely for those spankings handed out in the HEB parking lot.
Hey, being someone who'd know, is spanking children (not viciously) still acceptable? I'm not exactly all about corporal punishment, but I plan on reproducing someday, and I'm curious if that's something that will lead to me making tea and crumpets for the nice CPS lady while convincing her I'm not a monster.
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