three (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
threeplusfire) wrote2001-06-30 01:28 pm
threeplusfire) wrote2001-06-30 01:28 pm
ten Our Fathers and ten Hail Marys
I went to listen to Father Jerome celebrate Mass today in the Infant of Prague cathedral. Also to Confession, because it has been months and I felt the need to unburden my soul to someone who might stand a better chance of understanding my personal litany of pain.
He was kind, even when I started to cry. We talked for a long time, and in the end when he absolved me I really did feel it.
Father Jerome advised me not to think so much. That's something I've been told by so many people in my life, my mother, my teachers, my friends. Only now, coming from a priest in a Prague cathedral, is it finally making sense.
Sometimes I wonder what I am doing with myself. Part of me wants this life I've dreamed of however indistinctly all my life. Finishing a PhD, becoming a professor, writing books, traveling, being someone like Hana in the end. Yet there is part of me that speaks sometimes in a quiet voice, a part of me that wants to leave and join a convent. Maybe teach in a Catholic school. I don't know.
He was kind, even when I started to cry. We talked for a long time, and in the end when he absolved me I really did feel it.
Father Jerome advised me not to think so much. That's something I've been told by so many people in my life, my mother, my teachers, my friends. Only now, coming from a priest in a Prague cathedral, is it finally making sense.
Sometimes I wonder what I am doing with myself. Part of me wants this life I've dreamed of however indistinctly all my life. Finishing a PhD, becoming a professor, writing books, traveling, being someone like Hana in the end. Yet there is part of me that speaks sometimes in a quiet voice, a part of me that wants to leave and join a convent. Maybe teach in a Catholic school. I don't know.
Oppression
Are you mad?
Re: Oppression
no subject
The confession sounds wonderful. And about the nun thing, well, you have to listen very carefully and pray about that. it's such a personal decision. i used to get these weird heart palpatations when i was kneeling at church. and i would feel so exalted and at peace. i thougth pretty seriously about the way life would go if i were a bride of heaven...
it's a hard road to beauty, methinks.
Re:
no subject
People who have a tendency to beat up on themselves probably ought not to spend much time introspecting, I suppose, nor should folks who tend to believe that they have no control over what they think.
In my experience, though, between what I think and what I feel, I generally have found it easier to control the former. What you think about - what you focus on - affects how you feel.
(DISCLAIMER! I am not talking about you, or trying to psychoanalyze you... I'm just musing on the priest's advice.)
Cheers...
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