you couldn't write my life as fiction
Oct. 28th, 2008 11:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
threeplusfireYesterday I saw my doctor, who perches on the counters and puts his feet on the stool much like some people I know. It is endearing. Today I saw a ENT specialist about my snoring, possible sleep apnea, unrelenting fatigue and weird weight gain. He examined my tonsils and explained that for normal folks the tonsils are about the size of small Key lime. By comparison, my tonsils are closer to the size of kiwi fruit. Imagine having two kiwis jammed in your throat.
Kiwis. At least that is better than one doctor, years ago, who referred to them as "the size of horse testicles."
So next week I'm having surgery to remove them. He was a little surprised it wasn't done when I was a child. I have vague memories of a book about a child getting a tonsillectomy and then eating lots of ice cream. I know the idea frightened the hell out of me at five years old. I suppose the real reason was money, and the lack of health insurance. Anyhow, the ENT doctor is pretty certain removing my tonsils will have a huge impact on my snoring and any developing sleep apnea issues.
I am alternating between terror and hilarity. The nurse gave me a booklet written for children called "Your T&A Journey." It required a lot of self control to keep a blank face. Aside from the inappropriate title, it's all cartoons and super simplified explanations of the surgery. That's quite fine by me. The aftercare information has enough gory details.
Two weeks of narcotics and smoothies. What a vacation!
The office had a table covered in pumpkins and Halloween decorations. One pumpkin had a messy brown wig, and a picture of Sarah Palin's face. There was another with John McCain. I wish I had brought the camera.
All this required getting up very early after sleeping poorly. Driving on Mopac, I was reminded of a traffic study comissioned about a decade ago. Researchers were given a million dollar grant to come up with a reason for traffic jams. People drive too slow, they said. I could have told you that for a far cheaper fee. This morning two school buses, some minivans and a truck were jamming up the fast lane and the center lane. I ended up having to pass in the slow lane on the right. I understand that isn't done in many places. At least I used my turn signal.
If you love me at all, please don't buy a Lexus. I have never seen one driven in any sane manner. Usually they are veering over lanes, not signaling and generally driving as if the person is on the far side of a three day crack binge and has a cellphone jammed in the ear. It's sort of mind boggling.
LJ Idol entry later, after food and rest.
Kiwis. At least that is better than one doctor, years ago, who referred to them as "the size of horse testicles."
So next week I'm having surgery to remove them. He was a little surprised it wasn't done when I was a child. I have vague memories of a book about a child getting a tonsillectomy and then eating lots of ice cream. I know the idea frightened the hell out of me at five years old. I suppose the real reason was money, and the lack of health insurance. Anyhow, the ENT doctor is pretty certain removing my tonsils will have a huge impact on my snoring and any developing sleep apnea issues.
I am alternating between terror and hilarity. The nurse gave me a booklet written for children called "Your T&A Journey." It required a lot of self control to keep a blank face. Aside from the inappropriate title, it's all cartoons and super simplified explanations of the surgery. That's quite fine by me. The aftercare information has enough gory details.
Two weeks of narcotics and smoothies. What a vacation!
The office had a table covered in pumpkins and Halloween decorations. One pumpkin had a messy brown wig, and a picture of Sarah Palin's face. There was another with John McCain. I wish I had brought the camera.
All this required getting up very early after sleeping poorly. Driving on Mopac, I was reminded of a traffic study comissioned about a decade ago. Researchers were given a million dollar grant to come up with a reason for traffic jams. People drive too slow, they said. I could have told you that for a far cheaper fee. This morning two school buses, some minivans and a truck were jamming up the fast lane and the center lane. I ended up having to pass in the slow lane on the right. I understand that isn't done in many places. At least I used my turn signal.
If you love me at all, please don't buy a Lexus. I have never seen one driven in any sane manner. Usually they are veering over lanes, not signaling and generally driving as if the person is on the far side of a three day crack binge and has a cellphone jammed in the ear. It's sort of mind boggling.
LJ Idol entry later, after food and rest.
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-28 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-28 10:27 pm (UTC)Any suggestions for surviving would be welcome!
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Date: 2008-10-29 03:42 am (UTC)So here are some things you won't be able to eat at all for a week or two:
- hard things, like chips or sandwich crusts
- hot things, like soup
- acidic things, like tomato sauce or orange juice
- carbonated things, like ginger ale
It is quite dull.
If you ever get "dairy cough," i.e. that thick, croup-y cough after having dairy, ice cream is not for you post-tonsillectomy. The dairy thickens your saliva and you will feel like you're choking. If you have never experienced this phenomenon, bring on the Ben and Jerry's.
I had the saliva-thickening problem with sugary drinks too - soda, popsicles, sorbet, etc. I may be a freak.
Here are some wonderful things to eat:
- freezer fruit bars
- pudding
- tepid cream of wheat
I honestly can't remember anything else I ate. I was on Percocet for days. If your painkillers run out and you are still having problems, do not be afraid to ask for a few more.
It will hurt like a sumbitch to swallow for several days. While it seems counterintuitive, keep sipping water. It is more important to sip often than to glug down a lot of it. Sipping and swallowing keep the throat muscles from clenching up while they're freaking out over the surgery. Force yourself to do it and it will help you. Having said that, mornings will suck for obvious reasons.
Watch a lot of stupid TV. Have magazines on hand. Listen to music. Keep a notepad next to you to communicate, because you will be unable to talk for a few days. You may be bored. You may be in pain. A month later, however, you may wake up and think THIS IS AWESOME.
Also, the first solid meal a week or ten days after the tonsillectomy will be very precious.
If they're lasering the damn things off, and you'll be back to normal lickety split -- disregard all this!