LJ Idol, Week 6: Ghosts

[threeplusfire]

If you ask me whether I believe in ghosts, I'll tell you it is complicated. Growing up, without any clear religious reference point left me without a vocabulary or firm grasp on certain things others take for granted. Things like faith, belief, and being able to answer a question like that. I grew up an atheist, converted to Catholicism in my early twenties and still don't quite know.

Ghosts are different from gods, but still difficult terrain to articulate.

Last year we adopted a rescue cat, an elderly kitty with a scar on one eye. Most people don't adopt older cats because of concerns about their health, but I knew the moment I saw his picture. Koshka came from a bad situation and any cat that was fourteen years old deserves to spend his time in comfort. Last week I fell hard for a big orange tabby at an adoption fair that was easily one of the biggest cats I've ever seen. He's only four and grew up feral but is the sweetest tempered fellow. Pumpkin likes to sit on the arm of my chair, preferably half on me and my laptop.

There is a third cat living with us, who has been with us even before Koshka and Pumpkin.

At times, I will be stretched out in bed to read or sleep. I'll feel the soft thump, the pressure on the mattress and hear the sounds of cat paws. Usually it is at the foot of the bed. One day this past August, it was at the head of the bed on the blanket and pillow behind me. It was more distinct than usual. When I look, there is never anything there. Mike has also felt it at times but never seen it. Neither of us have any strong opinions about the supernatural or the unusual. We didn't even mention it to each other until a couple months ago after it started happening in our new house. Before, it was easier to pass off as the strangeness of our terrible apartment with all its faulty pieces. But now, here, things are different and I can't help but feel those paws followed us. I know it was a cat.

I wonder who you are Ghost Kitty, and how you came to be with us.

Koshka is dying. He sits more and more, and eats less. I watch him and pet him, his fur still soft and fluffy over a thin body, listening to his rumbling purr. I wonder if he will join the Ghost Kitty. I would like to believe it will be two sets of paws on the blanket by my feet, a comfort to my sorrows.

Edit: 11/01/08 morning - Koshka passed away during the night. Thank you for all your kindness and support.

Comments

[onyxlynxx.livejournal.com]

Ok...that made me cry.

It would be nice if he could be your second ghost kitty.

I think it is wonderful that you have made his old age so comfortable. That is what I am trying to do with my grumpy old man. These days he mostly eats cheese. He seems happy but I can see that his light is fading too.

*hugs* for all of you

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

It is such a hard thing to watch and bear gracefully.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

I didn't take it gracefully. I went mad. I can't expect anyone to take it well.

I'm still a mess.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

It is agony. I have thought of you a lot.

[halfacork.livejournal.com]

{pets all three kitties]

And for that matter--

[pets you]

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I will miss the super loud purring. You can hear him across the room.

[lilmissmagic71.livejournal.com]

you know, I would think having a ghost pet around would be comforting... as long as they didn't make ghost pet messes... *grin*

This is a great story... I am sorry you will lose your lovey Koshka... I hope he has cosmic time to stay around and comfort you...

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Oh man - ghost poo!

Thank you for reading, and your kind words. I hope the ghost kitty and Koshka get along. Fighting ghost kitties could make it hard to sleep. ;)

[brightflashes.livejournal.com]

Very good entry.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[caersidi.livejournal.com]

I got tearful reading this. We given homes to a few cats to allow them to live out their last years in comfort. Losing them is still hard to bear.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Aww I feel bad for making folks so sad with this one.

It is such a great thing, to be able to provide a home.

[dine.livejournal.com]

I'm glad Koschka had you to love him, and give him a chance at a good home. it's hard to love and lose family - and cats totally count.

my grumpy old man died a year ago, and I still miss him - and occasionally, I'd swear his ghost hops up on the end of the bed and settles down against my leg, just like he used to.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

I am so glad I'm not the only one with a ghost kitty.

[delchi.livejournal.com]

I ]ve been meaning to tell you about the one that seems to appear now and then. Not so much lately, but I thought of you when I first noticed it.

[shadowwolf13]

Aw, how sweet!

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[solstice-singer.livejournal.com]

Poor Koshka! I hope that, when he does pass, his spirit will remain with you.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

He's such a sweet cat - I feel so glad that we got to take care of him.

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

I liked this, especially the ending.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Thank you, so much.

[plastrickland23.livejournal.com]

My old kitty, Honemoon, hung around till her partner / soul mate kitty bud passed for 18 months. I had "2" kitties in bed with me....not just one! Kinda nice actually. It all stopped when the best friend kitty passed, and they could finally go off together. P.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Oh, what a sweet story. Thank you for sharing. I hope ghost kitty and Koshka will be friends.

[abbismom.livejournal.com]

This is extremely powerful. It weighs on my heart in a way I can't explain. It makes my soul ache.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading, and the compliments.

[http://users.livejournal.com/____hejira/]

Aww...Yay cats. Cute sory.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

It's hard to go wrong with cute kitties.

[darkprism.livejournal.com]

This was very sweet - thank you for sharing.

~*~

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading.

Thank you.

[azhchay.livejournal.com]

Koshka will forever be known to me as "Stray Boy", as it was our driveway and our backyard that he wandered in to after his previous owner passed away, but the neighborhood didn't know he had a cat. We couldn't have another cat in the house, and our one outdoor cat was not accepting him, so we looked for a shelter, any shelter that would take him.

I admit, I cried when I heard you'd adopted him, because I knew he was an old cat, and with the scar on his eye, and the fur missing from his tail, I had pretty much assumed he would never get adopted. To know that someone looked past his imperfections and his age to see the wonderful cat he really was... I was so happy I cried.

So.. thank you. Thank you for doing what my family could not in giving him a home for the end of his days. He's a sweet and wonderful cat and certainly deserved a much better early life than he got. But thank you for giving him the love, comfort, and happiness he deserved at the end.

I am very sorry to hear that he is going, and I hope you will have two ghost kitties in your place, now. And if not, I'm sure he'll be waiting at the Bridge for you.

Re: Thank you.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Thank you, for helping him come to our home. I am so grateful for that. I fell in love with him the moment I saw his picture and I just knew with complete certainty that he should come home with Mike and myself.

He has been well loved. He would sit for hours on Mike's lap, purring and napping. He would steal bites of chicken or ground beef, poke his nose into our dinner plates. He had a pink mouse toy that rattled, and cushioned cat beds everywhere. At the new house we gave him the Kitteh Cave, so he could have a comfortable nook and still be nearby. He was spoiled and petted even when he pooped on the vacuum cleaner that one time. (Hah! He had a love/hate relationship with it.) I want you to know he has been such a joy in our life. Thank you.

[dabhug.livejournal.com]

Hugs to you.

[jenandbronze.livejournal.com]

Awww... at least he is purring, that is a good sign he is still happy and healthy. hugs! Kitties are always a fav of mine (even though i am dog user now... Cats will always be my number one love). I enjoyed reading this entry!

[elderwoodpixie.livejournal.com]

Maybe 'ghost kitty' helped Koshka to cross over. It would be nice to think that he had a friend waiting for him on the other side.

[bodlon.livejournal.com]

Condolences on Koshka's passing. May he be well in his life after life.

As for ghosts and gods, I'd probably say the same as you. It's complicated, and no one really has the answers.

Thanks for sharing this.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about Koshka. I'm sure that between the Ghost Kitty and Bast, he'll be well looked after.

[baxaphobia.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about your kitty. I hope he is with his friend and he is happy. Hugs to you.

[imafarmgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh hugs, I am so sorry about koshka. May he have a safe journey.

Great entry.