under the voracious blue sky

[threeplusfire]

Better today, maybe because there is some sun. Yesterday I was anxious about the rain and how it would impact the driving all around, but thankfully the worst was gone before I set out to adventure.

Last night we had a quarterly work meeting. It was informative, though I wish they spent less time talking about the company organization and more about their major, major deal with Google. (Guys I work for the Goliath of my industry now and while that is kind of weird, it is also kind of awesome.) I got a fancy pen, for my paperless job, in honor of having moderated over 75 million characters. To put some perspective on that, a typical English translation of War & Peace by Tolstoy contains 3.1 million characters or so. So that's like going through War & Peace 24 times in less than two years.

After that long meeting, we missed dinner but went to the Drafthouse for the Ladies of the 80's singalong. Now that was fun. They had fire for "Venus" by Bananarama, crepe streamers thrown everywhere during Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors," a mini trampoline on stage and a guy fromt he audience who did jumping splits and then a flip, The Weather Girls singing "It's Raining Men" and blow up male sex dolls being thrown off the balcony into the crowd, a confetti cannon during "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and glow sticks and general insanity. You might imagine a theater full of drunk women might pose suggestively with inflatable naked men, but no. Instead they were making the dolls have sex with each other. Ahahahah. Drafthouse singalongs are awesome.

I am trying hard not to be neurotic about the business of turning thirty. Everyone tells me thirty is better than twenty and I believe them. But it does remind me I am getting older and there are things in my life I should set to rights physically and mentally. I don't want to spend all of my life living with ghosts that never shut up. This year too has made me remember just how long it has been since the divorce and everything that happened before. I've felt this sort of grief well up that surprised me, given that it has been five years now.

When it happened, sometimes people told me time would make the difference. Ultimately, time has. It feels unbearable and unbelievable at first - but the slow, steady march of time has worn down the razor edge. My grief has changed. I have changed. I feel like I should have some more profound observation, but so it goes.

I've finally hit upon what I'm going to do though. I'm going to shave my head. Happy birthday to me.

Comments

[daysprings.livejournal.com]

I hope you have a good birthday, m'dear. Several of my friends have turned 30 this past year, and they all said it was better than they expected? I saw a magnet the other day -- an Anne Taintor one, you know the type -- that said, "You couldn't pay me to be twenty," and I found myself thinking, yeah.

Ladies of the 80s singalong sounds fantastic. Am jealous.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

For serious - there's no way I'd want to be twenty again. I was crazy.

It was so neat - they play the videos on the screen and have everything subtitled if for some reason you don't already know all the words ever. The Drafthouse is one of my favorite things.

[schmidtybooger.livejournal.com]

Shaving my head was one of the best things I ever did, even though I have a funny shaped head and even though it was because my hair was falling out. It was so empowering and awesome.

By the way, I'm heading down to Tejas in early June for a wedding and would love to meet up for lunch/dinner if you can swing it.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Thank you - that gives me some confidence about it.

I would love to see you! Just let me know when and I'll make sure I am not working. Nom nom nom queso.

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

I wish I could have seen that!

[fiatincantatum.livejournal.com]

Instead they were making the dolls have sex with each other

The scary thing is, I've been in various fandoms for so long that this does not even START to surprise me...

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

It was so hilarious, I wish I had taken a picture.

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

It really is better than your twenties, though it feels harder at first because of all the old-ghosts stuff. Happy head-shaving!

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

And yay, shaved head! :D

[splix.livejournal.com]

My thirties have largely been pretty excellent, with some bumps. Way better than my twenties. Hope your birthday's a good one, as well as your shorn skull. :)

[psylent1.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday!

The 30's are better - wish I could take what I know now and go back.

[raayat.livejournal.com]

But before you shave it all off, try as many outrageous styles along the way as you can!

Mohawks come to mind.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

I would, but my hair is utterly resistant to anything like that. I can curl my hair and within three minutes it is gone. I put it up with the stickiest, firmest wax known to man and it falls down. My hair, very reluctant to do anything but just hang around.