finally may

[threeplusfire]

I filled up my Amazon wishlist with all the bath bombs from Lush I want to buy. It seemed the easiest way to keep track of them. Plus if some random millionaire divesting a fortune finds my list, then they know what to send me. I can hope anyway. Given how those Nigerian princes are still trying to off load their fortunes via email, they should really consider just spending their money that way. Come on rich foreign princes! Send me bath bombs and books!

My birthday is coming at the end of the month. This one actually feels worse, tipping me firmly over into another decade of life. It's a ridiculous feeling and one I hope will pass. That's one of the only things I really miss about childhood - other people arrange the parties and get you cupcakes. Mike is getting the epic birthday this year, with the Grand Canyon.

I wish I felt like the news about Osama bin Laden made me feel like anything would change. I sincerely do hope for someone out there it brings some sort of closure or peace. I just wish it meant we could stop living this insane half life, the post 9/11 purgatory. But I know this doesn't mean they will get rid of the scanners and the groping by TSA agents or any of the other things. I think we're stuck here.

It's 50 degrees according to the thermometer on the porch. Weird. Now if it would only rain.

Comments

[xiuzan.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to give you some perspective on your birthday. I remember you saying you felt old when you were like 20 or 21. Granted, you'd been through a hell of a lot for someone that age, so I don't want to discount your feelings, but looking back... or looking at others who are 20 or 21 now, they're young, right?

I still feel like it's all part of a bigger picture and has a lot to do with our own mindsets, but a lot of it is perspective. I'm 35 this year, but half the time, I still feel like a kid and don't know when I'll ever grow up. Then I remember I have all of the responsibilities of an adult already, so I must be one. I think.

Somehow, I don't feel old, though. I definitely feel younger what I thought 35 represented 5 or 10 years ago. I'd like to think even close to halfway yet, so that must mean I'm young if I still have 60% of my life left. I mean, I don't start worrying about my gas tank until it's below 25% and even then, I know I've got a while. ;)

Oh... and I really didn't mean to type this much. I just started back on adderall this morning and seem to be putting a lot of very focused energy into everything except work! Ha. Sorry you got the other end of that, but hopefully something I said resonates.

I know it's still a few weeks away, but I hope you can enjoy your birthday, despite the number associated with it. :)

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

I think I'm just fated to always feel old. Hah! I think some of it comes from waiting so long before coming out of the closet about the gender thing, at least this year. Sometimes I'm really shocked to be this age because it hardly feels that way. Even though I've been married and divorced and married and bought a house.

I would imagine that having a flying trapeze habit definitely helps one feel young. :D

[xiuzan.livejournal.com]

I almost commented on the coming out/gender thing, but I'd already typed so much.

I was just thinking you could think of it from the perspective of starting over. You could think of yourself as being X years from the time you came out.

Of course you can't really claim that on anything official and I'd imagine most people would not believe you're still a toddler, but you could still use it sort of as a spiritual rebirthday. :)

My uncle came out at 40 and I think he's experienced more happiness and real living since then than he ever did before. He continues to seem happier and healthier and he's 58 now.

P.S. I love my flying trapeze habit very much. It does make me feel younger...and stronger... and I've improved/learned so many other things along the way. I know it's not for everyone, but let me know if you ever want to give it a try!