walking past the security checkpoint in the Tower

[threeplusfire]

Yesterday I approached the Muslim Student organization's table on the West Mall, and I apologized for the wretched behaviour of many people in my state. It may not change much, but at least I told someone. I feel a little better.

Keep hallucinating flags everywhere, in the waving of the trees and signs and buildings. The symptoms of waning shock in my system, I suppose. I keep forgetting things, even in the midst of working.

I forgot Patrick's package today. Thursday I suppose I shall mail it. Long overdue. I will not mail his present from Prague, because if I lose anything else, however small, I will lose my sanity too. Taking extra special care of my hibiscus plant right now, checking my pockets compulsively.

Think I failed a test in astronomy yesterday.

Dr. Nethercut, who teaches my course on ancient Egypt, was in rare form yesterday. His passion and humor for his field is a joy to watch, and for fifty minutes yesterday I left behind the pain and anguish of the past week. While discussing forms of deities, he cut to the animated Longhorn that plays on the Jumbotron during the Texas Fight chant at football games here. "Look at our fine Texas minotaur!" I thanked him after class, and the kind man remembered me from our first meeting. Reminds me a tiny bit of my grandpa.

I'm lost. There is so much death and pain and destruction. I am so far away and still so near to it. I look at the places around me as if I may never see tham again. Told Greg yesterday that I felt safe in Metro because it is exactly the same as it was when I was twelve years old.

Comments

[day.livejournal.com]

I haven't been around to say much. But *hugs* as always. You are in my thoughts. I know how gentle and sensitive you are and how this must completely throw you off balance.

Re:

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Thank you dear one. I think about you too.

It's like the world has gone mad.

Thwarting despair

[raindog.livejournal.com]

Dear Tsarina,

Most of this is uncomprehendable. If you were not depressed, there would be a great deal amiss.

I offer my own way out of the abyss -- I turned off the T.V. and radio, excepting PBS documentaries on pertinent issues, and went to the library. To combat my profound ignorance of Islam and the Middle East, I am reading. Reading, and allowing hope to spring from the many circulating pleas for a non-violent solution to this terrible situation. For those of us who share these positions, if we are to be effective members of our democracy we must be well-informed and prepared to take an unpopular stand with articulate grace and conviction.

Re: Thwarting despair

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Now armed with my roommate's laptop, I can turn off the tv. In the early days, my only source at home was the tv. For someone with journalism down in my bones, someone with a constant need for information, it's hard. It felt more surreal for me not to know, scary as that sounds.

My store is rapidly selling out of any books pertaining to the regions involved. Good to know people are reading.