meme time

[threeplusfire]

Stolen verbatim from imaginarycircus because I am often a sucker for LJ question meme time.

The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

I think about how strange it is to make new friends at this point in my life, because there's so much history. I've written in this livejournal for almost eleven years now! Thousands of pages of writing all told, an almost unbearable excess of memory and lives.

Comments

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

How are you feeling about who you are these days? I'm asking because I've been navel gazing a lot lately!

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I like this question.

I keep meaning to write a sort of transition update post, but I get sidetracked. It's been on my mind a lot.

These days, I feel a lot more sane and together. Dealing with this complicated pickle of gender and identity has been so hard at times. But it is such a relief to just talk about it and to stop trying to make it go away. I struggle sometimes, with my ideas of what being a man means in terms of the culture I grew up with and how the world sees men like me and how I fit into the lives of my loved ones. I still have a lot of self doubt and anxiety. But it no longer feels like this bubble that separates me out from everyone.

Cutting myself off from my toxic family relationships was such a pivotal moment in my life a few years ago. I don't think I would be able to be as sane and with it as I am now if I hadn't done that. I worry that people judge that choice (because of course you're going to worry about it) and how it influences my approach to things. But finally giving myself permission to walk away from that was so important and good for me. Dealing with my father earlier this year reinforced that decision and showed me how screwed up my thinking was when it came to dealing with my family.

This is not the future I imagined. I have no Pulitzer, I live in a suburb and own a home and drive an SUV. But if that is the price of having some sanity and a partner who is above and beyond supportive and loving - then it is totally worth it.

[imaginarycircus.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you cut the toxic family out of your life. And I really have no idea what it's like to struggle with my gender, but I strive to be a good ally to people who do and to check my privilege.

I think being able to talk about it is a very positive thing. It makes me so sad that it's often something people have to hide to be safe.

I never thought I'd be married and in this weird place that I am now, yeah.