unexpected anxiety

[threeplusfire]

DAY SIX: list what you ate today
Really this should be an easy thing, but it isn't. Contemplating this journal entry made every food choice difficult and I put it off until I was anxious and twitchy from hunger. I have food issues perhaps. I do a lot better when it is planned out in advance. Sudden changes, waiting too long to eat, they provoke this weird anxiety where I'm unable to make choices. I'm afraid I will choose wrong somehow. To a lesser extent I have this feeling of anxious dread when confronted with menus, especially large menus.

So let's write down yesterday when I wasn't thinking about this.
- chocolate protein shake
- coffee
- iced tea
- blueberries
- almonds
- Graze snack of tiny pretzels, cashews and pumpkin seeds
- Freebird burrito - spinach tortilla, steak, black beans, pico de gallo, garlic, corn, onions and guacamole
- Reese's peanut butter cups

Today I've managed a coconut yogurt, a bag of potato chips, coffee and a diet Pepsi. Hopefully now that I've written this I can calm down and eat something better later.


DAY ONE: introduce yourself / list your likes and dislikes
DAY TWO: make a bullet list of everything that happened in your day
DAY THREE: your favorite movie
DAY FOUR: a photo of you taken over ten years ago
DAY FIVE: a letter to your crush
DAY SEVEN: a youtube video that you find funny
DAY EIGHT: a photo of you taken recently
DAY NINE: list some of your favorite websites
DAY TEN: a letter to the person you hate the most or caused you a lot of pain
DAY ELEVEN: share your favorite recipe
DAY TWELVE: we want to see your teeth today
DAY THIRTEEN: whatever tickles your fancy
DAY FOURTEEN: a song from your childhood
DAY FIFTEEN: a letter to someone you wish you could meet
DAY SIXTEEN: provide pictures of 5 celebrity crushes
DAY SEVENTEEN: a photo that makes you sad
DAY EIGHTEEN: set or share a goal
DAY NINETEEN: whatever tickles your fancy
DAY TWENTY: a letter to someone that changed your life
DAY TWENTY-ONE: your favorite television program
DAY TWENTY-TWO: a photo that makes you happy
DAY TWENTY-THREE: share one of your current favorite tunes
DAY TWENTY-FOUR: a letter to yourself a year ago
DAY TWENTY-FIVE: a letter to someone you judged by their first impression
DAY TWENTY-SIX: favorite books
DAY TWENTY-SEVEN: a talent of yours
DAY TWENTY-EIGHT: favorite places to shop
DAY TWENTY-NINE: provide the hex code of your favorite color
DAY THIRTY: a letter to the friendliest person you knew for only one day
DAY THIRTY-ONE: whatever tickles your fancy
DAY THIRTY-TWO: a photo you took
DAY THIRTY-THREE: what you're craving right now
DAY THIRTY-FOUR: your favorite quote
DAY THIRTY-FIVE: a letter to an ex
DAY THIRTY-SIX: some hobbies of yours
DAY THIRTY-SEVEN: a song that you like to dance to
DAY THIRTY-EIGHT: a photo of your parent(s)
DAY THIRTY-NINE: zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality
DAY FORTY: a letter to a deceased person you wish you could talk to
DAY FORTY-ONE: whatever tickles your fancy
DAY FORTY-TWO: bad habit(s) you have
DAY FORTY-THREE: a picture of your favorite place in the world
DAY FORTY-FOUR: something that fascinates you and why
DAY FORTY-FIVE: whatever tickles your fancy
DAY FORTY-SIX: photos of personal things in your life (pets, family, house, etc.)
DAY FORTY-SEVEN: birthday wish list
DAY FORTY-EIGHT: a photo of you right now
DAY FORTY-NINE: hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
DAY FIFTY: a letter to your reflection in the mirror

Comments

[brienze.livejournal.com]

I think it's interesting that your "choosing wrong" worry doesn't seem to be related to "what will people think of me because I'm writing it down", but more "is this what I feel like rather than any other possibility in front of me right now?". (Please correct me if I'm wrong.)

I started using Day One to write down what I eat, because fuck counting calories, but I needed to know what sparks the low blood sugar events I've been having. I'm finding that writing it down makes food profoundly uninteresting... "four hours later, must eat something, ok, this will do". Instead of saying what sounds good, I let Rick suggest restaurant ideas and then veto most of them for actively sounding bad.

I also have a problem with a too-cluttered kitchen, though, that I've been working to fix the past few days. Oldest pantry item thrown out: 2006. So maybe part of my apathy is not having enough workspace to cook or bake.

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

I'm less worried about the external judgement than this weird hamster wheel of "am I getting the best possible meal right now/if I die tonight this could be the last thing I eat/I don't want my last meal to be a shitty one." Which uh says some uncomfortable things about my brain.

I'm also really anxious I'll order something and not enjoy it and feel like I've wasted my eating opportunity.