recovering the satellites

[threeplusfire]

DAY THIRTEEN: whatever tickles your fancy

Alright then. Whatever it is.

I got up and ran five and a half miles today. Almost seventeen miles in the past three days. My thighs hurt a little.

I am listening to the Counting Crows. There's this album, Recovering the Satellites that came out in 1996. During one of the worst years of my life it was in my stereo constantly. Later, after I got out of the hospital, it would play sometimes in my boyfriend's Honda when we drove places. I listened to it over and over and over in that year after my suicide attempt. I think I didn't really have emotions then. I was faking it to keep moving, trying to figure out what to tell people that they wanted to hear. Because no one wanted to hear that I thought I was still dead inside, that I was so numb and crazy. Because I had learned that you just couldn't trust people that year.

I would turn it up and scream along to "Catapult" when I could. Won't somebody save me please

But oh this album. It is good. I haven't listened to it in over a decade probably. But I know every word. I remember them because I would sing to myself in my bedroom, standing in front of the wall I covered with magazine collages and posters. I would turn it up on the stereo and lose myself for a little while. (That same stereo I argued with an EMT about - they kept trying to turn it down. I have never, ever listened to Kraftwerk's Computer World album since that day.)

These words have stuck with me, for whatever reason. For most of my adult life "Angels of the Silences" was the song I knew all the words to and would sing to myself when I needed a rhythm for something. I remember sweeping, setting up the carts of books outside Half Price in 2001, and singing it under my breath in the bright autumn sunlight.

I would give a lot to have a decent singing voice. I am painfully bad at it. If I had one of those magic wishes for a talent, I'd choose to be able to sing.

Anyway. I am listening to this album and feeling an ache for that fucked up sixteen year old and telling myself that I am not that person any more. That I can do this.


DAY ONE: introduce yourself / list your likes and dislikes
DAY TWO: make a bullet list of everything that happened in your day
DAY THREE: your favorite movie
DAY FOUR: a photo of you taken over ten years ago
DAY FIVE: a letter to your crush
DAY SIX: list what you ate today
DAY SEVEN: a youtube video that you find funny
DAY EIGHT: a photo of you taken recently
DAY NINE: list some of your favorite websites
DAY TEN: a letter to the person you hate the most or caused you a lot of pain
DAY ELEVEN: share your favorite recipe
DAY TWELVE: we want to see your teeth today

DAY FOURTEEN: a song from your childhood
DAY FIFTEEN: a letter to someone you wish you could meet
DAY SIXTEEN: provide pictures of 5 celebrity crushes
DAY SEVENTEEN: a photo that makes you sad
DAY EIGHTEEN: set or share a goal
DAY NINETEEN: whatever tickles your fancy
DAY TWENTY: a letter to someone that changed your life
DAY TWENTY-ONE: your favorite television program
DAY TWENTY-TWO: a photo that makes you happy
DAY TWENTY-THREE: share one of your current favorite tunes
DAY TWENTY-FOUR: a letter to yourself a year ago
DAY TWENTY-FIVE: a letter to someone you judged by their first impression
DAY TWENTY-SIX: favorite books
DAY TWENTY-SEVEN: a talent of yours
DAY TWENTY-EIGHT: favorite places to shop
DAY TWENTY-NINE: provide the hex code of your favorite color
DAY THIRTY: a letter to the friendliest person you knew for only one day
DAY THIRTY-ONE: whatever tickles your fancy
DAY THIRTY-TWO: a photo you took
DAY THIRTY-THREE: what you're craving right now
DAY THIRTY-FOUR: your favorite quote
DAY THIRTY-FIVE: a letter to an ex
DAY THIRTY-SIX: some hobbies of yours
DAY THIRTY-SEVEN: a song that you like to dance to
DAY THIRTY-EIGHT: a photo of your parent(s)
DAY THIRTY-NINE: zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality
DAY FORTY: a letter to a deceased person you wish you could talk to
DAY FORTY-ONE: whatever tickles your fancy
DAY FORTY-TWO: bad habit(s) you have
DAY FORTY-THREE: a picture of your favorite place in the world
DAY FORTY-FOUR: something that fascinates you and why
DAY FORTY-FIVE: whatever tickles your fancy
DAY FORTY-SIX: photos of personal things in your life (pets, family, house, etc.)
DAY FORTY-SEVEN: birthday wish list
DAY FORTY-EIGHT: a photo of you right now
DAY FORTY-NINE: hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
DAY FIFTY: a letter to your reflection in the mirror

Comments

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

Five and a half miles! That's awesome, dude. How long have you been running?

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Uh, about four months give or take a month. I run only in the gym though, with air conditioning. None of this outside business for me.