you know she's dreaming

[threeplusfire]

I often wake up with my jaw clenched. Usually I don't notice it til I try to yawn, just how hard I'm holding it together. I suppose it's due to the increasingly violent and strange character of my dreams.

But this morning it was something else, much worse. Due to my odd position, my left forearm was completely numb. I picked it up with my other hand and it felt like the arm of someone else. Like a dead person's arm.

If I talk about it much, they just look at me strangely.

I stayed up late last night talking to Melynda and smoking cigarettes on the balcony. The feeling I get is one I don't know how to describe without sounding overwrought or ridiculous. So let us just say that I treasure those moments.

Is it strange to wonder if you're turning into an alcoholic when you don't even drink on a regular basis? Perhaps some of my friends who had alcoholic parents know this feeling. The hate and desire all seem to blend together. It could happen easily I think.

I need to go to school.

Comments

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Maybe that's it. I find that I want to drink. I wonder if I'm just sick of always being so tightly in control. I find myself doing a lot of reckless stuff these days.

Though maybe it's because I read that gin was an aphrodisiac for Geminis. ;)

Re:

[water-damage.livejournal.com]

:-D For me it's wine