you know she's dreaming

[threeplusfire]

I often wake up with my jaw clenched. Usually I don't notice it til I try to yawn, just how hard I'm holding it together. I suppose it's due to the increasingly violent and strange character of my dreams.

But this morning it was something else, much worse. Due to my odd position, my left forearm was completely numb. I picked it up with my other hand and it felt like the arm of someone else. Like a dead person's arm.

If I talk about it much, they just look at me strangely.

I stayed up late last night talking to Melynda and smoking cigarettes on the balcony. The feeling I get is one I don't know how to describe without sounding overwrought or ridiculous. So let us just say that I treasure those moments.

Is it strange to wonder if you're turning into an alcoholic when you don't even drink on a regular basis? Perhaps some of my friends who had alcoholic parents know this feeling. The hate and desire all seem to blend together. It could happen easily I think.

I need to go to school.

Comments

[zombiechu.livejournal.com]

actually, drinking frequently is not a sign of alcoholism. It's why the person chooses to drink and whether they have the ability to control how much they drink once they've started that determines it. But I'm sure you're not an alcoholic.
You've been on my mind lately. I hope things work out.

Re:

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

This is very true. It is perhaps that I want to drink that really bothers me.

But thank you.