my best impression

Bette Davis, all full of feverish grace, helped me clean the kitchen last night. Clean, sparkling pristine clean. Almost afraid to use those counters now, to swirl the white surfaces. Scrubbed them last night, and the walls, the stove, the spaces under the burners. Wiped out the toaster, the blender, the coffee pot, the bread machine, the vases lined up on the bar. Emptied my cabinets and fridge, took out the sacks of trash, filled my pepper and sugar. Washed my dishes and stacked them away. Put all my kitchen towels and pot holders to wash. It doesn't look like the same place to me.

I don't want to leave the house, all the rain and thunder makes me nervous. Though it would be bad for me to sit here in the dark listening to music and typing away. This is the third time I've tried to post an entry. They go nowhere somewhere. I have my black turtleneck on and my stomach is empty, all the things I haven't done. Out I go.

peanuts

National Peanut Research Laboratory. Wow, how cool. Well, that makes me want to eat some peanuts. I should get a random degree and a job like this, in a totally obscure field... oh wait, I am going to do something like that. In the meantime I think I will make a peanut butter sandwich.

Have one plane ticket to Prague in my possesion now. From Austin to Minneapolis to Amsterdam to Prague in May, and from Prague to Amsterdam to Boston to Memphis to Austin in July. Hurrah.

It's been raining all day. The water was almost ankle deep in certain places on campus. Shoal Creek is overflowing. I asked Professor L. if he was worried about his basement office flooding, and he laughed as I skidded across the slick tiles outside of the elevator. The rain just took up with a vengence outside. So loud I thought the building must be crumbling.

haikus make me happy

Dr. Gogol wrote me a haiku when I complained that the newest installment of his fantastic story wasn't up yet. I wish more of my complaints resulted in haikus. Life would be so grand.

Dear Your Imperial Majesty:

Our profound apologies. We know being Empress of All Russia is a taxing and thankless job. Here is one of Dr. Gogol's raincheck haikus to tide you over:

Raskolnikov--ack!
Patronyms make it hard to
Write Russian haikus.

do you know that song

scary monsters super creeps keeps me running running scared

I'm listening to David Bowie and Trent Reznor perform an especially fantastic rendition of one of my all time favorite songs. I've been rediscovering the music in my cd collection lately. The wail of strings behind Nick Cave's repetitions, the disparate coordinated elements of Pretty Hate Machine, the velvety pleasure of Bowie's voice, and on and on. I had forgotten where this music took me, and when I listened to it, why I cried and when I danced.

without you everything just falls apart without you it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces

Sometimes I worry when I can't quite hear. Losing my hearing would drive me mad, no doubt. I'm not sure I could stand the loss. Silly girl who stood in front of the speakers at Liberty Lunch too many times when she was sixteen.

Earth below us drifting falling floating weightless calling calling home

Because there is something in music, something that spans genres, times, quality, everything that could possibly matter. I don't know how to define it except as a feeling. Something that raises the hair on your arms or puts a wild feeling in your heart. Music was the closest thing I had to God growing up. It was where I took all the emotion of my growing up, when I just couldn't hold my hands steady enough for anything else. In the mornings I was always home alone, and I could turn the music up as loud as I wanted.

you will believe in me and I will never be ignored

Some of my greatest friends are the ones I listened to music with. James and I would turn his stereo up and sing along while we cleaned his room or scrambled eggs. We went to so many concerts together, constantly winning tickets off the radio and convincing his dad to drop us off unsupervised at various clubs.

you'd better hope and pray that you'll make it safe back to your own world

The only time I enjoy driving is when I have the radio on, or a cd. There have been moments in my life, at night and during the day, these moments when I'm in the car turning or coasting down 183, where I seriously consider driving away until I run out of places to go. A couple of times in my life I thought it might just be better to leave it all behind and drive away.

with your bright yellow gun you own the sun and I think I need a little poison

It helps and I don't know why. I grew up with music, with my father's record collection. Listening to the Rolling Stones, the Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty. My first tape was Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA and I listened to it on a tape player in my driveway while I learned to ride my Strawberry Shortcake bike. It's always been there. My babysitter had pink & purple hair, and brought her Bauhaus tapes over. My best friend in elementary school had two older sisters who let us listen to their They Might Be Giants cds. Every time we drove to Houston, my mom played Don Henley albums. One sunny afternoon I crashed my bike right listening to an Alice in Chains tape on my walkman. I taped U2 and Guns N Roses off the radio. I had a bootleg copy of a Green Day album years before anyone else on my block. It was always there. Gina in middle school loaned me the Cure's Wish. I rushed to the record store straight from school to buy Bowie's Outside. My first Tori Amos album was Under the Pink. I hung out at Luke's house to listen to my friends' band cover "lovesong" all afternoon. John introduced me to Kraftwerk, KMFDM, the Revolting Cocks and Tool. Casey introduced me to the Crystal Method before I went to Paris. It was always there.

you can say it one more time what you don't like let me hear it one more time then have a seat while I take to the sky