I will write today, I say

11/27/2001 G R E E T I N G S Gemini

This is getting a lot more complicated than you ever imagined it
would be, isn't it, Gemini? As the Moon makes its way through the
Sign of Aries, a new layer of meaning covers what everyone thinks
should be obvious. Keep in mind that words are only symbols for the
actual event. This is a good time to pick up on subliminal messages
and subtle body language. It's in your best interest to notice the
behavioral nuances of people who come from a different place than you
do.
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Windy outside, the clouds patterned grey on white on blue. Only one of the trees has red leaves. The rest stay green. I've felt little flashes of seasonal joy, watching people walk into Mass the other day, seeing a sprinkling of lights, Christmas trees on the side of the road. It is reassuring, however the rest of the year goes.

My hands smell like the pale yellow soap on the edge of my sink. Spent time laying in bed this morning, thinking about fanfic I stayed up reading. I used to write a lot of that, stories about David Bowie and Trent Reznor, my favorite characters in fantasy novels from my childhood. The usual sort of thing, though I never did know it.

This song used to make me cry, thinking about Erin and how I lost her. The video did me in. "Round here, she's always on my mind..." That searing wound is now something like a scar, a dull ache when pressed too deeply. The way my hand hurts when I spend too much time tracing the outlines of the wound.

when I grow up, I'll be the Elf King

Celeborn If I were a character in The Lord of the Rings, I would be Celeborn, Elf, King of Lothlorien, husband of Galadriel and grandfather of Arwen. In the movie, I am played by Marton Csokas. Who would you be? Zovakware Lord of the Rings Character Test

never made a good Cassandra

Cold out there. Never has been more than 50 all day, just wind and clouds. It's sleeting out near San Saba. Dark already. I stood on the balcony watching the sky, my ankles chilled. Wish I could just curl up and read, watch Alan Rickman in Rasputin and write things to entertain myself. Reading too much fanfiction does that. After reading some less than satisfactory selections, I have an urge to write. Though, I did read some fabulous stories last night.

When I was about ten, in the midst of my fascination with Greek mythology, I wanted to change my name to Cassandra Daniels. Cassandra from the stories, and Daniels from the bottles my father drank. For a time, I thought it was the most beautiful name I could imagine and the name on all the novels in my imagination. I suppose if I were to pick up writing again I would need a new pen name.

My mother is changing her name. I should have expected it. I feel strange about it, as if my own name is somehow in question. I wonder sometimes if I could change my name if I married. Not that I have to worry about that, after the news of the past week.

very odd

Hearing frantic knocking on the door, I wondered if I had locked the inside deadbolt sometime during the day. When I opened the door, a short black woman rushed in, asking "Why did you lock the door?" I stared in surprise for a moment, until she realized she was in the wrong apartment. "Oh I'm sorry, " she laughed and ran back out. All I could manage to day was, "I thought you were my roommate."