I don't know where

What I love about my bathroom is the window, inbetween the closet door and the bath. I can hang out my window and smoke, as I so rarely did when I was a kid. The day my mom wanted to kick me out of the house, I remember smoking in the bath tub and getting so sick that I threw up when my father came by the house.

But anyways. I can smoke in my bathroom on the sly, because we really ought not to be smoking in the apartment and all. It occured to me this morning, takiong a frozen packet of cigarettes and tapping them on the inside of my wrist while I read the news.

I have so much to do. This is the last day I can give myself to be restless and undone. Storm's coming, like the green skies and the wind I know so well.

to many ghosts, all of you I loved

I'm singing,
while I'm watching you walk backwards.

My voice breaks, when I cry out
All this yearning, gotten old
How do we keep going on like this?

He used to tell me what a fool I was
For burning all the old words
But when I look over my shoulder and see myself
I can't take it

You were always much better than me, at these sorts of things

I saw a ghost yesterday, that I didn't recognize until much too late
And I keep thinking, John, did you ever forgive me for being so young?
I can still hear the music in the car, the poem I wrote on the dashboard

It was always this way
All the years I lived for moments in cars,
The silence I struggled to break
And the mystery I fought to keep.

-----------------

I really did see one of them yesterday, not the one, but one of the ones I loved.