my head needs clearing

I think I should take a walk.

(no subject)

There is beauty to be found even in this suburban sprawl. Take the couple of acres next door to our apartment complex. The house and the barn probably rank among the older structures in this town. I like the barn, where parts are overgrown with green vines. Along the fence line there are purple morning glories, primroses, live oak trees, a few scattered cacti, and a handful of blue flowers that might have been irises. A mockingbird swung on the power line overhead. I like mockingbirds, with thier pale breasts and clever voices. Inside the fence, they keep two donkeys and a pair of ponies, the tiny kind. They roam through the tall grass, a sea of yellow and green mixed with purple and red. The barn is white, and the color of weathered wood. You can smell the sweat of the animals, the grass, the sunlight beating down from a blue sky.

I still do not belong

There's something passing low in the darkness outside.

It seems I am the only one not driving up to Dallas tomorrow. I suppose I will watch a lot of movies in the apartment, perhaps spend most of tomorrow in Metro. Time alone, for a change. I can even sleep in my own bed.

Sometime, I want to see 24 Hour Party People. If only to complain about being born too late, yet again.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about belief. About how most of my life, I've wanted to belong to something. I wonder if my inability to feel close to ideals or people is the result of some flaw in them, or in myself. Do I have a capacity for this? Because I want, I'd like to believe completely. I don't. I don't know why.

deep sea

I am watching Iron Chef. It's Anglerfish Battle, and an uglier fish I have not seen in my life. An extra long battle, because slicing up the fish seems to be a formidable task.

Hmm. I want to eat the anglerfish pies, or the potato fried fish.
The Iron Chef wins again!
I need an Iron Chef tshirt.