(no subject)

Funny how things you know have absolutely nothing to do with you can hurt your feelings. Especially when it's silence.

Melynda came home and told me of a strange and terrible dream that woke her early this morning. I dragged her out to the store, to get movies and cupcake things. I think cupcakes with chocolate frosting and watching Dogma made her feel better. I know that Alan Rickman's voice always makes me feel a bit better. Especially when he's the voice of God.

Yet more resumes out today. I wonder how many I'll have to send out before this ends. I should be keeping count.

(no subject)

Mmm, .wav files. Now every time my computer does something untoward or weird, Alan Rickman starts yelling at me. Oh that Voice.

"Oh right! Of course it's always about you, isn't it?"

Derek called earlier, and discussed some weird horror movie that I've got to see now. Also, who would make a good Spider Jerusalem on the big screen and other bits of nonsense. Humorous discussion of Slavic writers and snipers and zombies followed. For the record, I still prefer the robot apocalypse.

absurdity

пройти тест "какой вы кот?"

Yep. That's me alright.

the subtle signs of affection

Thank the heavens for those brief periods of mania that are better than drugs. Because this will all be random.

After a couple hours of reading I leaped off the couch and launched myself into a cleaning frenzy in the apartment. I stopped at the bathrooms and the bedrooms, since I don't know if my roommates would kill me or not for that. But I did two loads of laundry and the living room, the dining room and the kitchen look good now. You can see tabletops, and counterspace, and carpet. I'm not sure what to do with the three kegs sitting in the corner, but I'm sure they fit somewhere. I discovered we have five remotes, and I'm not certain what all they control. (Where are the robots?)

Even after a shower, I'm still bouncing on my heels. Melynda gets off work soon, and we will get food from somewhere. Kinda hoping I get to play cards tonight before the energy wears off and I crash back down. More sugar, more caffiene and nicotine.

One day I should go home. But I'm avoiding it. Avoidance, yeah. I just can't stomach watching my sister throw her life away on Dimwit. My mother's company is pleasant enough, but I have a hard time there sometimes, caught between feeling fifteen and now. I jsut get restless there, because when my sister's not making a racket, it's so quiet. At least here someone's either killing monsters, swearing at their computer, or something.

The Rules of Attraction will be out soon. My heart has a soft spot for Bret Easton Ellis, that I just can't justify. He reminds me of the 1980s. There's something so harsh and painful about all of it. Like this song I'm listening to right now.

In this moment, I'm caught between so many parts of myself. Old and young, free and fettered, so driven and so lost, all of it. A side effect of the mania I suppose. But it's so much like I'm watching myself from the outside, on a movie screen, wearing a shirt that isn't mine and staring at my back door.

Just trust me, you said
Just trust me, you said