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All in all, a lovely evening. Went out for Indian food at my favorite restaraunt with Thomas, and to Metro for coffee, and back to the apartment for weird conversations. There's leftover chicken kabuli in the fridge, and I got to hold hands. It was grand.

reason number eight not to eat indian food in the middle of the night

The dreaming was rife with madness. Early this morning, I even managed to hallucinate some quite plausible but physically impossible conversations. It's been awhile since I did that. It feels like part of my brain has been working all night long. There were the streets of New York, and the Drag, and the homeless in packs and lines on the pavement, and Gene coming to pick me up from the airport. Melynda and Rachel were playing video games, and Sam was bleeding to death, and I was trying to walk without crawling. Very, very odd.

I still feel weird. Especially now in this quiet house alone.

Chocolate Sugar Cookie Mice.

2 sticks (1 cup) butter, softened
1/2 cup crisco shortening
2 cups granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 teaspoons good quality vanilla
1 teaspoon almond extract
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup cocoa
4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

1. In a mixing bowl, beat the butter and crisco until smooth, add the sugar and beat several minutes, until light and fluffy. This will take several minutes, you want the batter to lose it's grainy-ness and be very light in color.

2. One at a time, add the eggs, beat after each addition and scrape the bowl. Stir in the vanilla and the dry ingredients. If the mixture feels exceptionally sticky add about ½ cup more flour. You can touch the batter, if it sticks to your finger, add a little more flour. If it barely sticks, you don't need any more.

3. Preheat the oven to 350°. To create the mice, roll dough into small balls, and taper at one end. Shape little ears from small bits of dough, and mold onto the body. I use cinnamon candies for the eyes, because they bake well. Bake for 12-14 minutes depending on your oven. When the cookies come out of the oven, stick a two inch piece of thin, string licorice into them to create tails. Mice!

how you sparkle, how you smile

I have email from an Italian fellow I met in Brno. I am jealous of my European friends, simply because they get to spend so much more time traveling than I do.

I'm watching Suspicion, a fantastic Hitchcock film with Cary Grant and Joan Fontaine. The scene design of these old movies pleases me in some deep way I have yet to figure out. Cary Grant makes a creepy villian here. "Oh, what a bore."

Went to the grocery store, and picked up anchovies and pasta, both of which I've been craving madly for days now. It's been quiet today. Just me, and the house, and the sound of the dryer as I type away. It's been grey and cool. Early this morning, it hailed around town. The cold pleases me as well. I am also as cool as Gita now, with my nifty icon.

A fierce discussion on what makes a person, and whether or not there's some essential self to a human drifted by this afternoon. What a strange question. I believe one can build a sort of essence, something that shimmers through all incarnations of self. But I don't believe it comes pre-packaged, or that everyone is in possession of such a thing. People are mutable, transient creations, in my book. We shift faster than light. The only genuine difference is the degree of control we have over that process. I wouldn't trade any of my shapeshifting friends for solid constructs.

It never ceases to amaze me how joyless some people are. Certainly, I am often terribly serious and fretful. It's a habit I have yet to out grow. But, despite this, I do try to catch the small smiles and things that sparkle. They make life worthwhile.